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College Troubles
10 years ago
Well, more than just troubles. I have out-and-out failed my classes. I now see why this class has such a nasty reputation as one of the hardest curriculum in this school, and it is one I hadn't calculated and planned for. My failure can be attributed to two factors.
1. You cannot take these classes part time: They are all interlinked (concept art to modeling, modeling to animation, and finer steps within those tasks), so if you are failing one, you are failing all of them.
Solution? Jeffery Dewitt, one of the instructors, is fighting to make the classes individualized, not to mention creating a part-time schedule for working students (yeah, I meant all or nothing, you can't take fewer classes over a longer period like you can with most.) He is going to be on the board of directors within a year (they apparently cycle people to prevent bias and political strife), and this is one of the topics he will bring up.
2. My god-forsaken memory: So why did I fail a class in the first place? I was unable to retain information for immediate use, such as the keyboard shortcuts for the functions within the program. So yeah, I bombed on tests due to poor retention.
It gets worse, however; despite being in class for several weeks, work I would turn in wound up in the wrong folders, or the wrong classes... stupid mistakes such as getting drawing for concept art, and Photoshop for concept art, mixed. Add to the fact that the three instructors had slightly different ways they wanted work turned in ( one wants it in the "student" file, one in "shared", and one in the directory where those two folders are located. My glitch was forgetting which teacher wanted which method.
So why don't I make notes, and refer to them? Actually, that's exactly how I tried to adapt: Lots of note-taking... hell, the teachers thought I was being excessive. The problem is, despite these notes, I am not permitted to use them in tests. Not only that... despite trying to remember which folder went where... I still made stupid memory errors. It was at this point, that I began to notice a worrisome pattern...
I have been having a harder time concentrating, remembering even simple or immediate things (like where I put my keys 5 seconds ago), etc.
So I went to talk to my psychiatrist... He has me on buspirone, an anti anxiety medicine, and venlafaxine, used to stop depression.
Apparently they have some interesting side effects... namely, loss of concentration, and memory problems.
As an experiment the doctor altered my dosage, giving me a standard dose of busiprone, rather than a small dose... And the effects were immediately noticeable. I found that, if I was talking to someone, I would blank out sometimes trying to recall what I was going to say, or even forget what I was talking about when a brief distraction in the conversation occurred. Mentally, it almost feels as though my brain is still trying to go a mile a minute (like it always has), but now there are holes and gaps in the road.
So we are going to be talking to a neurologist, because this is most definitely not normal for me. It hasn't been a month since I failed, so I haven't relayed this side effect to the psychiatrist, but you can bet I will be letting him know as well.
....One the positive side, all my teachers had glowing praise for me. they all mentioned that I asked excellent questions, and that the quality of my work is well above what most of the other students where putting through... then there's the note taking thing... heh. Once the work was actually located in the computers, the time stamp let them know that none of my work was ever late (had to pull an all-nighter more than once, since I work slow... slower because I keep forgetting things and having to consult my notes.) The work was absolutely fascinating for me, learning tricks, cheats, and methods for perspective, line-work, geometry, and technical terms and aspects in a CG artists professional environment, and that is just a small bit of what I learned in the brief time there.
... So yeah, there's the latest big event in my life. I am not giving up yet. If it turns out it was a physical impairment, by brain damage, psychiatric medicine, or otherwise measurable issues... then I will be reinstated next year, assuming the problem is taken cared of. If it turns out nothing can be discovered of my mental issues.... Well... Have you ever seen or heard something you could swore happen, but everyone around you thinks you are mistaken? Like, everyone thinks you are crazy, and you think they are the crazy (or at least incorrect) ones? It will kind of feel like that for me.
Even if my condition is immeasurable, however, I will pick up the pieces, determine this profession is not for me, and look for something else.
1. You cannot take these classes part time: They are all interlinked (concept art to modeling, modeling to animation, and finer steps within those tasks), so if you are failing one, you are failing all of them.
Solution? Jeffery Dewitt, one of the instructors, is fighting to make the classes individualized, not to mention creating a part-time schedule for working students (yeah, I meant all or nothing, you can't take fewer classes over a longer period like you can with most.) He is going to be on the board of directors within a year (they apparently cycle people to prevent bias and political strife), and this is one of the topics he will bring up.
2. My god-forsaken memory: So why did I fail a class in the first place? I was unable to retain information for immediate use, such as the keyboard shortcuts for the functions within the program. So yeah, I bombed on tests due to poor retention.
It gets worse, however; despite being in class for several weeks, work I would turn in wound up in the wrong folders, or the wrong classes... stupid mistakes such as getting drawing for concept art, and Photoshop for concept art, mixed. Add to the fact that the three instructors had slightly different ways they wanted work turned in ( one wants it in the "student" file, one in "shared", and one in the directory where those two folders are located. My glitch was forgetting which teacher wanted which method.
So why don't I make notes, and refer to them? Actually, that's exactly how I tried to adapt: Lots of note-taking... hell, the teachers thought I was being excessive. The problem is, despite these notes, I am not permitted to use them in tests. Not only that... despite trying to remember which folder went where... I still made stupid memory errors. It was at this point, that I began to notice a worrisome pattern...
I have been having a harder time concentrating, remembering even simple or immediate things (like where I put my keys 5 seconds ago), etc.
So I went to talk to my psychiatrist... He has me on buspirone, an anti anxiety medicine, and venlafaxine, used to stop depression.
Apparently they have some interesting side effects... namely, loss of concentration, and memory problems.
As an experiment the doctor altered my dosage, giving me a standard dose of busiprone, rather than a small dose... And the effects were immediately noticeable. I found that, if I was talking to someone, I would blank out sometimes trying to recall what I was going to say, or even forget what I was talking about when a brief distraction in the conversation occurred. Mentally, it almost feels as though my brain is still trying to go a mile a minute (like it always has), but now there are holes and gaps in the road.
So we are going to be talking to a neurologist, because this is most definitely not normal for me. It hasn't been a month since I failed, so I haven't relayed this side effect to the psychiatrist, but you can bet I will be letting him know as well.
....One the positive side, all my teachers had glowing praise for me. they all mentioned that I asked excellent questions, and that the quality of my work is well above what most of the other students where putting through... then there's the note taking thing... heh. Once the work was actually located in the computers, the time stamp let them know that none of my work was ever late (had to pull an all-nighter more than once, since I work slow... slower because I keep forgetting things and having to consult my notes.) The work was absolutely fascinating for me, learning tricks, cheats, and methods for perspective, line-work, geometry, and technical terms and aspects in a CG artists professional environment, and that is just a small bit of what I learned in the brief time there.
... So yeah, there's the latest big event in my life. I am not giving up yet. If it turns out it was a physical impairment, by brain damage, psychiatric medicine, or otherwise measurable issues... then I will be reinstated next year, assuming the problem is taken cared of. If it turns out nothing can be discovered of my mental issues.... Well... Have you ever seen or heard something you could swore happen, but everyone around you thinks you are mistaken? Like, everyone thinks you are crazy, and you think they are the crazy (or at least incorrect) ones? It will kind of feel like that for me.
Even if my condition is immeasurable, however, I will pick up the pieces, determine this profession is not for me, and look for something else.
I appreciate the concern, and will do what I can. Likewise, I hope things are well for you; I know everyone's got their problems, many much worse than mine, so I won't be putting much more drama into this situation than I already did in the journal. One thing I am working on, is being less... hermit-like, and resuming regular communication with folks online and off, so I figure I should at least tell people I am not kidnapped or dead or anything. That was the reason for this journal, not for trying to gather sympathy.
Some authors who create art books are alot more hungry than teachers.
I know you can do it, though...support in whatever you choose.
Intelligent, caring friends, reasonably stable finances, a good computer and internet for research, work, and play, and family that has loved me despite my difficulties.
For example... I am capable of graphic design and animation, one of my room mates is a professional level programmer, one enjoys level design, gimmicks, mechanic building, etc. and one has a vivid and creative imagination that can pop up new worlds and stories within an hour of asking him. Slap all that together, and you have the potential for an indie game company: No idea if we are going to be successful or profitable, but we each have fun with our given portions of work, so success is a secondary concern.
I imagine one day, the trouble will be too much, and I'll be done for... that is called death, and everyone experiences it sooner or later. But I suspect that I will have more pleasure than suffering until then, and that it's a long ways away.
Anyway, the tldr version is: Thanks for the concern Arrow :) I hope things are going well for you, and things should be just fine here.
Oh, heh... one last thing for your information. We got a bird feeder set up outside, attracting loooots of sparrows, some chickadees, a woodpecker, and even a curious raven who sat at our window and demanded we feed him and his family too (The feeder was too small for ravens). Then we had one beautiful visitor who thought this would be a good opportunity to be fed as well: A peregrine falcon noticed all the sparrows, and ended up hanging out right outside the window as well. And here I was just trying to attract cardnials... so far, I've had everything but! ;)
I'm doing pretty well. I'm working at a small startup doing computer repair. It's not necessarily a place I'll stick with for life, but for now I'm getting experience and improving my skills.
Other than that, I write, RP, and do video games. Last week was a rough week for me, but I'm better now.
And cool about the falcon. They do figure that out sometimes...and ravens are nice and clever like that.
...if I was talking to someone, I would blank out sometimes trying to recall what I was going to say, or even forget what I was talking about when a brief distraction in the conversation occurred.
Damn, I do this all the time, and I have no explanation for myself other than incompetence. :P
I hope you don't give up art entirely over this. You're good at it, and you love it.