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The one about the regrets that comes with a Trigger Warning.
10 years ago
It is a dark day indeed that I find myself writing a journal like this, and that's not even due to the time of year, though it probably does not help the mood.
I am informed that one I once loved and foolishly made a mistake about in the middle of the night whilst half asleep that ended our long relationship, is now in a state such that she deems ending her life to be an option. She has blocked me from direct communication with her, and to be honest I don't think she will read this journal. What I wanted when we sadly had to break up was for her to get on the mend, to feel better about herself again and to get on with life happily with someone else. That would have been enough, just to know that. Just to hear that all is not lost just because of some stupid thing my stupid subconscious did.
Now, upon also hearing of this, her friends are, one by one, no longer my friends. Ostracision spreads as the depression deepens, right when people need to work together to help her. Do you really think that falling out with me will help her? Or do you think it will confirm her worst interpretation of me, as being no better than the monster she was with before me (who has now been to jail and may still be there). Never mind the magnitudinal difference of the actual things done, a depressed and confused mind under the weight of so much stress can easily conflate. She told me so herself. She said she was scared that this would happen. Now, all she has is that fear coming true.
I never stopped loving her and never will, and although I can't be with her any more for quite understandable reasons, she does not deserve social disintegration around her. She needs people to be strong. Please, see past the drama and get a grip to save the ones who really need to be saved, before it is too late. You can have your arguments, shout, swear and be ashamed of me all you want later. Let her get better first.
Otherwise, it won't just be me regretting this, it will be all of us involved or who ever knew her. The same goes for anyone who knows anyone suicidal. Don't run away from them when they need you most.
EDIT 6.1.2016:
I now have had chance to think about how this will be interpreted some more.
I realise that there are ways in which what I say could be taken that do not convey the true intent with which it was written, that is, I think that some who read this journal might think I am trying to manipulate the facts or feelings around my break-up with my ex. I am sorry if it comes across to you that way. This appears to be yet another of those cases where the text does the inflections and emotions no justice. I want to clarify now, for those who have any doubt:
IF YOU WANT TO HATE ME BECAUSE OF ANYTHING RELATED TO MY BREAK-UP FROM MY EX (Or her reasons for it or mine), GO AHEAD AND HATE ME. I AM NOT TRYING TO STOP YOU HAVING YOUR OPINIONS OR EMOTIONS.
What I am trying to do is to request that prioritisation is made of doing what we can to help people who need help before slapping the people who need a slap.
I am informed that one I once loved and foolishly made a mistake about in the middle of the night whilst half asleep that ended our long relationship, is now in a state such that she deems ending her life to be an option. She has blocked me from direct communication with her, and to be honest I don't think she will read this journal. What I wanted when we sadly had to break up was for her to get on the mend, to feel better about herself again and to get on with life happily with someone else. That would have been enough, just to know that. Just to hear that all is not lost just because of some stupid thing my stupid subconscious did.
Now, upon also hearing of this, her friends are, one by one, no longer my friends. Ostracision spreads as the depression deepens, right when people need to work together to help her. Do you really think that falling out with me will help her? Or do you think it will confirm her worst interpretation of me, as being no better than the monster she was with before me (who has now been to jail and may still be there). Never mind the magnitudinal difference of the actual things done, a depressed and confused mind under the weight of so much stress can easily conflate. She told me so herself. She said she was scared that this would happen. Now, all she has is that fear coming true.
I never stopped loving her and never will, and although I can't be with her any more for quite understandable reasons, she does not deserve social disintegration around her. She needs people to be strong. Please, see past the drama and get a grip to save the ones who really need to be saved, before it is too late. You can have your arguments, shout, swear and be ashamed of me all you want later. Let her get better first.
Otherwise, it won't just be me regretting this, it will be all of us involved or who ever knew her. The same goes for anyone who knows anyone suicidal. Don't run away from them when they need you most.
EDIT 6.1.2016:
I now have had chance to think about how this will be interpreted some more.
I realise that there are ways in which what I say could be taken that do not convey the true intent with which it was written, that is, I think that some who read this journal might think I am trying to manipulate the facts or feelings around my break-up with my ex. I am sorry if it comes across to you that way. This appears to be yet another of those cases where the text does the inflections and emotions no justice. I want to clarify now, for those who have any doubt:
IF YOU WANT TO HATE ME BECAUSE OF ANYTHING RELATED TO MY BREAK-UP FROM MY EX (Or her reasons for it or mine), GO AHEAD AND HATE ME. I AM NOT TRYING TO STOP YOU HAVING YOUR OPINIONS OR EMOTIONS.
What I am trying to do is to request that prioritisation is made of doing what we can to help people who need help before slapping the people who need a slap.
