So it is 3 am has been my birthday for a grand total of 3 hours. I like my birthday is the one day of the year I don't worry about how I should act and just be, selfish I know but I work retail a job that basically revolves around lying about your mood or what you really think.

Well this is what I think right now. If you can't bring up enough time, energy, or care to do more than once a year put happy birthday on someone's Facebook wall then I suggest skipping the birthday wishes. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the idea that these people that said we would be friends forever (actual statements) think of me from time to time, but tell me I should wait for them then remove any form of contact other then Facebook, steam Skype phone email, that can post page after page after page about getting ready for a 3 hour drive just put a grand total of "happy birthday" thought into this does nothing but make me want to curl up in a dark corner and disappear. Yeah I know I did the unforgivable to these people I remember things and I analyze constantly Honestly this is why I moved to the other side of the state, and why I work so hard to not have to move back, everything I like doing reminded me of these people. From eating at my favorite place to taking my nightly walk. I was this person before I will continue to be this person you didn't grow up nor did we grow apart. These people know how I think that I correlate everything so their name showing up does nothing but bring back the pain.

sorry for the post I had to do something other then just feel bad, and I couldn't think of anything else