Because I just saw Kenket's painting about a dream.



9/10ths of my dreams revolve about my constant companion,
trauma/anxiety. Especially the nights, and 4 out of seven
happen this way, where I sleep 2-4 hours and then are stuck
awake for 2-4 hours before finally napping another 1 1/2 hours
for that last sleep cycle... I have outright nightmares most
times when that happens. I'm told I talk in my sleep during
those times, flail, etc. I've woken myself up throwing punches...
once unfortunately actually punching J., never because it
was him in the dream, but because he was in the way in the
waking world.

I know most of my dreams are about me changing/destroying
my world, accepting how my world was changed around me,
building a new world. Usually I experience this in the form of
cataclysm that results in everything being destroyed, traveling
(not usually comfortably or controlled), being the order creator
in a post-apocalypse world.

The other curious thing about my dreams is that when they
aren't the above (I've been unable to get answers regarding
this) often I am not -me- in my dreams, but some other person
entirely. Sometimes, I'm not even my own gender. It's like
taking part in a book... except I'm authoring this other person.
It's curious, but at least sleep isn't boring?

Sometimes, I actually get to have really really wonderful dreams.
I recall a few. One, when I was little was my grandfather leading
me to the garden to see a giant garter snake. In the dream this
thing was massive. Another dream from just a few years ago had
myself and one of my best friends snuggled up on a rock face on
a mountain watching a sunset and chatting. Then there are the
nice dreams about J. Once I actually had a dream about flying.
For the first time in ages... i woke up pretty ecstatic about that.

I guess I'm done rambling. Time for bed, and to stop fretting
about DDD and life changes for a night...