I have no clue what her problem is, as I cannot accurately judge the situation but I honestly see a lot of my mother in her. Our relationship is very disjointed and filled with lots of fighting with small patches of getting along. I don't know how old you are, but obviously if you don't live with your parents and she's giving you that shit seriously buckle down and give her your mean face, like my mom used to slap me and shit and verbally abuse me and it literally took me telling her that I'm an adult and if she wants to stay in my life she needs to treat me like one or step out of my life.

I really feel for you. If you ever need to talk I am here.

I swear I think she is bipolar or something because the smallest thing will set her off. This whole thing started because dad told her we got my husband's cat a few days earlier than expected. I have been adding photos to the folder until a few minutes ago when she finally stopped. 23 in all

I don't live with my mom, but my dad helps us with rent and bills because we don't make much money even though we both work. I am 24 and will be 25 in January.

She will be ok for a while and then randomly explode over the smallest thing and I usually have to walk on eggshells no matter what. Admittedly sometimes I do say things intentionally to parrot her behavior back at her like " Maybe i should just die so you don't have to be bothered with me", some part of me just wants her to recognize how stupid she is but that will never happen. She gaslights and guilt trips and threatens and does whatever she can just to get her way.

I don't know how to make her realize how shitty she is being, I really wish she did. She expects me to be a carbon copy of her and that just isn't going to happen. Sorry if I sound rants or mad, but she has been at this for a few hours and I was beginning to wonder if she would ever stop.

If you have to deal with anything like this I am so, so sorry, no one deserves this kind of bs.

Your mom is definitely picking at you, almost trying to start some form of argument (Talking about the vodka bottles). She definitely wants you to be more like her, and gets offensive/defensive if you don't like something she does.
I've found the best way to deal with this type of behavior is to not enable it.
For example, when she starts on about the country/gospel music, simply tell her you don't like that kind of music. When she expounds upon that, simply tell her you're happy she likes it, but you choose not to listen to it. When she forces the issue and ask why, again, just tell her you don't like it. Don't say it's "too twangy" as that just fires up the argument with her getting defensive to say "no it's not", and everything escalates from there.

Thanks, I really need to work on doing that and shutting it down before it escalates. The irritating thing is that if I don't respond fast enough she will also explode which does not help me x.x

I noticed that, too. I see the "Answer me NOW!" attitude.
People forget that we cannot be on our phone every second of the day.

Yup

I see wrongs on both sides to be honest. She does do nice stuff for you, like paying the rent. Something I envy, but also something that can be held over your head and seems she does do that :/ but since she is paying your rent, you probably should keep the house clean like she wants until you two are able to pay rent and be independent. That may help alleviate this whole mess at least a little This whole argument over a second cat is ridiculous, though. Very.

I pay all of my own bills and it's rough to make it by. My mom doesn't help me there, but she does help me in other ways. I made my mom out to be the villain before when she really wasn't, just from a different time and showing her concerns in not the best way, but we did work toward something better. And I realized I was being selfish and not really seeing things how they really were but how I kinda...warped them to be in my head. Not saying this is your situation, just, I've been in a similar one to this and managed to make it better through work. So things can get better!

BUT the guilt tripping is not cool. I mean yeah you did it there with the suicide threat, but so did she back (abou ten fold) and it's obvious she's just holding onto all this anger prob not even related to you and taking it out on you in a very direct manner. She's trying to make you feel bad. I see a lot of work needing to be done on both sides. I wouldn't really call it abuse. It seems more like frustration that's festering that she's not expressing properly and then taking it on you. I'd say a nice dose of just someone to listen and vent to like a therapist may do good. So maybe psychological disorder?

I hope you don't take this wrong. I just thought maybe this may offer some insight or give you some help. I really don't mean to offend, just offering an outside view.

I've been trying to get better about throwing it back at her, honestly I just was desperate to change the subject and that attempt failed horribly. She was really really nice today so that helped the whole thing be a little better. I think she has something similar to bi-polar disorder because she can switch from being really happy to angry at the drop of a hat. I would love for her to see a counselor and just try to work through some of the internal anger. The problem with that is that her and dad have this mentality that seeing a counselor or psychologist = you are batshit insane :(
My aunt went to one to seek help for depression and my dad gave her shit about it and so did my uncle. It really sucks because a counselor or psychologist could help sooo much.

I know she is still mad that I ran away fron home a few years ago, but it was that or continue to get more and more suicidal, so I did the best thing I could at the time to keep on keeping on. This might not exactly be an example of abuse but this is mild in comparison to how her and dad get when they are both mad. When I lived with them it was just an incredibly toxic environment, I hope that makes sense.

oh god, I know this feel. My parents think the same about seeing a counselor. Must be something with that generation. And I can see bipolar here. I don't know if that's what it is or just built up anger, but BPD is possible and that would def need help :/

I...uh...ran away from home as well. It was a bad decision, but it seemed like the right one at the time because of rising tensions and everything. I was unhappy, but also selfish. I just needed her to let me explore who I was without the yelling and screaming and everything.

I always think of abuse in terms of the extreme abuse I suffered with my ex, so my view is kinda warped there, totally admit that. I just hope things do get better :/

Also the whole trying to pick a fight with you on opposing interests is trying to justify that anger she has. I think she does need to see some sort of therapist to get all of this off of her so maybe she can be in a more healthy relationship with you or something :/

I have begged her and dad both to seek counseling but they always refuse. Dad calls them quacks and mom thinks that they will only take dad's side :/

My mom also does the whole "WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME" thing. They always hink we're ignoring them :/

It's so irritating x.x like no I wasn't ignoring you, sometimes I have to pee or do other things for 5 seconds ugghhhhh