I've just finished cleaning up my gallery. There were some old pieces of art that don't really reflect my ideal self any more that I had to remove. I've also reorganized somethings into folders and stuffed a bunch of things in my scraps too.

I confess that my old Catboy art gives me a lot of anxiety. You see the catboy was an outlet I used to explore my fantasies of a very real person, a person that I hurt with those fantasies. While I never would have actually forced sex on him, I did on several occasions cross the line when it came to physical contact and inappropriate comments. While I should have known better, most of this occurring when I was in my early 20's, I still believed that this obsessive type of love and pursuit was the way to make someone love you back. It took a lot of soul searching to realize it was not and that I was wrong. At that time I sought to make amends through apology and the immediate cessation of both my RL harassment and my constant intrusive obsessive fantasies.

My friendship with this person survived, as well as with our shared friend group, although the bond I share with them isn't nearly as strong anymore because of my self imposed isolation over this. It's also why I've isolated myself from the furry community and some of my longest, best friends in it. Many of my online friends encouraged my obsessive behavior as well as humored and fed my fantasies. people who I fear would no longer be my friend if they knew I've changed. People that I've just distanced myself from and probably lost as friends already.

I don't want to be that person any more.

And I don't want to be this person whose controlled by their shame and guilt either. This is a hard but good step in the right direction.