I cannot my explain my feelings any more than that...
My sister was driving Kitty to the vet... she had problems we were tending to...
However she died on the drive there... and she apparently was left to be cremated...

My sister woke me up the moment she got home...
When she told me... it felt like a nightmare... especially with how sick I've been...
I stayed in bed a short bit, because I thought it'd be a nightmare I'd wake up from...
I came to accept it was real though, and burst out crying on my pillow...

This is probably the most painful because Kitty was so close to her 20th birthday,
and of all things we were expecting her to reach it.
My beloved cat that mothered so many kittens is gone... she outlived some of her children...
But I never expected her to die now... when she was recovering from illness...
She is succeeded by her last child... and the kitten one of her sons adopted...

I'll take care of them as best I can so they can live happy.