I've been a member here since 2010. MY fursona, Nate Bowler has been around a little less than that, as I had originally been here as a hormonal teenager looking for free porn. Many of you know Nate as the gentleman mechanic that is quite the ladies man. Nate was essentially supposed to be me, and I never intended him to be used in any mature or adult pictures. But after tonight, I've had a revelation about my fursona.

I was talking about Nate with my friend on Skype, and he asked for his personality and flaws. After I gave him what he was asking for, he pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to who I am as a person. He said ""Sounds like he gets his heart broken a lot. And he's a bit clingy. He might also have a self-esteem issue. He may feel alone and feel that a relationship would define him or fulfill him as a person."

Describes me to a T. Time to reveal something to you all. Nate may have some of the best luck in the world when it comes to his friends and his partners, but when it comes to real life? I'm nothing like Nate.

Growing up, I was given glasses at age four. I had to go through braces twice, although the second time wasn't nearly as bad psychologically since lots of kids in high school had braces too. Before I was diagnosed in high school with Tourette's Syndrome, I started around second grade making noises or motions often and uncontrollably with no understanding of why. Didn't help that my parents told me I WAS able to control it for so many years. All of this was ammunition in my classmates/schoolmates' arsenals against me. They made fun of my appearance. They made fun of my motions. They made fun of my name. They made fun of what I said. And when the internet had gotten into full swing in the late 90s to early 2000'a, I wasn't safe there, either. When I'd go to school, I'd get word of my AIM screen name being posted in the girl's bathroom for them to message me and bully me there, either through one-on-one messaging or a gang attack in a chat room. My personal page would be memorized by those who terrorized me and repeated aloud to everyone, as if this was some form of entertainment for them.

And then there's the horrible luck I have with women. Every time I had an interest in a girl, my reputation through these school bullies shattered any chance I had with anyone. I'd get turned down by them saying they're not looking for anything right now, and then a week later they've hooked up with someone else. Basically they lied to me to spare my feelings, only for them to be hurt more by not being honest with me.

So in reality, Nate being intimate with all these female characters in pictures I either receive as gifts or commission myself, it's really me trying to have the popularity I craved but never had while growing up. It makes me feel like I'm accepted. Like I have merit as a person. Like people can actually stand me.

I'm sorry if I got a little emotional in this journal, but I just wanted to put this out there. I hope no one thinks any less of me for going a bit into my IRL history and my basis for what you see in my gallery.