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10 years ago
General
Hey everyone! I know you're expecting an MFF recap from me, but I honestly want to do something even bigger. I seriously want to recap much of what the last five to ten years has been like for me.
So... here goes -
Back when I was in high school, I learned that I was suffering from a condition on the autism-spectrum. At first I had no idea what it meant or anything - though after reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" in Grade Nine a lot of things made sense and a formal diagnosis was made. What are some things about my disability you may ask? Well, it means I'm more inclined to be socially inept or awkward, as such I'm mostly introverted and keep to myself. My interests also differ from the standard individual. I have had an affinity for almost every form of transport ever since I was a little boy. I also enjoy studying about natural wonders such as wildlife, disasters and other related subjects. Going through two programs in Victoria I took the Myers Briggs personality test, revealing that I'm INTJ (a bookworm in simple terms). Facts, figures, if I'm interested in it I can memorize most of it.
I also suffer from occasional anxiety and excessive self-control which stops me from participating in a lot of activities that others find fun or exhilariting because I'm more worried about making a fool of myself in front of everyone. At cons I often try to limit myself to a couple of people at once, avoiding big crowds. Around the same time I learned I was autistic I rediscovered a childrens' TV show I watched as a kid, and watched every single episode, even joining a forum on the show and discussing lots and lots of subjects in the show - even bringing out my creative side with writing stories about the characters. This was my first step into the 'Furry Fandom'. In later years I also joined DA and FA and founds lots of adorable artwork and pictures that brought some precious little happiness into my otherwise seemingly simple, boring life.
In 2012 I discovered furry conventions with the very first VancouFUR. I initially went to find out what it was all about and helped out where I could, but seeing the fursuiters performing as their characters in games, roleplay and just general silliness brought a certain magic into my life that had never existed before. (I was sceptical of all mascots beforehand). At VancouFUR I met quite a few people, but one fursuiter in particular I had seen before in a convention video. The way he interacted with everyone, the way he played silly games with his companion and with others around him just intrigued me, he even acted the ham for my camera! It made me think "I wish I could be so energetic and happy as this guy is."
Again at Rainfurrest the same year I saw many fursuiters all having fun and being happy. The fursuiter I mentioned previously at VancouFUR was present too and really kept the magic alive with the way he expressed his characters happiness, energy and silliness. I uttered the understatement of the century about it to him in suit and he simply chuckled to me in a friendly way with an "Arf!"
Meeting this fursuiter out of suit for the first time at the end of RF was far from disappointing, he was happy, energetic and seemingly a friend to everyone. I can seriously say I never felt more safe nor more happy that night. Unfortunately coming down from con-crud I never saw him suit up again that night.
At FC 2013, again this fursuiter never failed to disappoint me, inside of suit or out. In fact out of suit on the Friday night dance he made me dance for the first time (badly, but I didn't care! I was really enjoying myself). However when one is so happy there is the possibility of simply going too far, and I did. I became so enthralled with this particular fursuiter that every time I saw him, I had something to say - no matter how trivial. On Sunday night I saw him again in suit and he saw me, but he ran away. Not realizing what was going on I pursued him until he sat down next to a couple of other fursuiters. I sat with them all for a little while as we talked. The fursuiter I had become so enthralled by said: "Have you met my stalker? He's from Canada too." which again I interpreted as playful-banter. However as I said goodnight to him that night I pledged to let him be for the next day, as I sensed I was getting on his nerves. I didn't realize how hard that could be, until the next day I was feeling the onset of PCD and couldn't keep my mind off of my favorite fursuiter. I did talk to him in suit and out a couple of times and the con ended, we all went home. I knew I had slightly overdone it but I felt we left on good terms.
Other cons came and went, VancouFUR, BLFC, Furlandia - the latter two is where it all went wrong. At BLFC I had not seen my favorite fursuiter anywhere, and it made me feel really anxious. I had no idea I could become so attached to someone's fursuit (It's now known as a fursuit crush, guys!). I tweeted a whole lot of garbage which I wont reiterate, but when I got to Seattle after BLFC I found I had been blocked. I knew once this happened I had seriously gone too far. I intended to try and explain myself at Furlandia, but I just felt too anxious and after "He just keeps following us around!" I ran. I shouldn't have, but I did.
Rainfurrest came around, and when the fursuiter saw me he turned away, giving me the cold shoulder. I couldn't believe it. I knew I had to try and explain, but I just felt too anxious. Finally after consulting a friend about the situation he prodded me to go talk, but this just earned me the cold shoulder again. At MFF2014 I tried one last time, this time the cold shoulder would have been preferred, what I got was much worse. I gave up after that point, I had lost the respect of the fursuiter and would probably never again be able to experience the happiness and energy from them that exhilarated me. I had no choice but to move on and forget them.
If any of you do know the fursuiter involved in this, PLEASE don't give out their identity here. Any comments with the identity will be hidden. Deep down I still respect them for the positive energy that they gave me three years ago that inspired me to become a fursuiter as well. I'm not overly good at it right now, but I'm learning as I go along! Honestly though it's thanks to every fursuiter I've met who feeds the overwhelming sense of happiness into everyone that I am the person I am today. If any of you know of Star Trek Voyager and Seven-of-Nine's journey to individuality I can seriously relate to that with my journey to becoming someone to give out positive energy to absolutely everyone in an environment that makes me feel so happy.
Anyways I really appreciate all of you for reading this journal. I just need someway of being able to explain the few things that have gone wrong so they can hopefully be put right. I also want to explain what the furry fandom means to me and that I can honestly say - I'm so glad I found you all!
Thank you everyone!
FriendlyFox
So... here goes -
Back when I was in high school, I learned that I was suffering from a condition on the autism-spectrum. At first I had no idea what it meant or anything - though after reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" in Grade Nine a lot of things made sense and a formal diagnosis was made. What are some things about my disability you may ask? Well, it means I'm more inclined to be socially inept or awkward, as such I'm mostly introverted and keep to myself. My interests also differ from the standard individual. I have had an affinity for almost every form of transport ever since I was a little boy. I also enjoy studying about natural wonders such as wildlife, disasters and other related subjects. Going through two programs in Victoria I took the Myers Briggs personality test, revealing that I'm INTJ (a bookworm in simple terms). Facts, figures, if I'm interested in it I can memorize most of it.
I also suffer from occasional anxiety and excessive self-control which stops me from participating in a lot of activities that others find fun or exhilariting because I'm more worried about making a fool of myself in front of everyone. At cons I often try to limit myself to a couple of people at once, avoiding big crowds. Around the same time I learned I was autistic I rediscovered a childrens' TV show I watched as a kid, and watched every single episode, even joining a forum on the show and discussing lots and lots of subjects in the show - even bringing out my creative side with writing stories about the characters. This was my first step into the 'Furry Fandom'. In later years I also joined DA and FA and founds lots of adorable artwork and pictures that brought some precious little happiness into my otherwise seemingly simple, boring life.
In 2012 I discovered furry conventions with the very first VancouFUR. I initially went to find out what it was all about and helped out where I could, but seeing the fursuiters performing as their characters in games, roleplay and just general silliness brought a certain magic into my life that had never existed before. (I was sceptical of all mascots beforehand). At VancouFUR I met quite a few people, but one fursuiter in particular I had seen before in a convention video. The way he interacted with everyone, the way he played silly games with his companion and with others around him just intrigued me, he even acted the ham for my camera! It made me think "I wish I could be so energetic and happy as this guy is."
Again at Rainfurrest the same year I saw many fursuiters all having fun and being happy. The fursuiter I mentioned previously at VancouFUR was present too and really kept the magic alive with the way he expressed his characters happiness, energy and silliness. I uttered the understatement of the century about it to him in suit and he simply chuckled to me in a friendly way with an "Arf!"
Meeting this fursuiter out of suit for the first time at the end of RF was far from disappointing, he was happy, energetic and seemingly a friend to everyone. I can seriously say I never felt more safe nor more happy that night. Unfortunately coming down from con-crud I never saw him suit up again that night.
At FC 2013, again this fursuiter never failed to disappoint me, inside of suit or out. In fact out of suit on the Friday night dance he made me dance for the first time (badly, but I didn't care! I was really enjoying myself). However when one is so happy there is the possibility of simply going too far, and I did. I became so enthralled with this particular fursuiter that every time I saw him, I had something to say - no matter how trivial. On Sunday night I saw him again in suit and he saw me, but he ran away. Not realizing what was going on I pursued him until he sat down next to a couple of other fursuiters. I sat with them all for a little while as we talked. The fursuiter I had become so enthralled by said: "Have you met my stalker? He's from Canada too." which again I interpreted as playful-banter. However as I said goodnight to him that night I pledged to let him be for the next day, as I sensed I was getting on his nerves. I didn't realize how hard that could be, until the next day I was feeling the onset of PCD and couldn't keep my mind off of my favorite fursuiter. I did talk to him in suit and out a couple of times and the con ended, we all went home. I knew I had slightly overdone it but I felt we left on good terms.
Other cons came and went, VancouFUR, BLFC, Furlandia - the latter two is where it all went wrong. At BLFC I had not seen my favorite fursuiter anywhere, and it made me feel really anxious. I had no idea I could become so attached to someone's fursuit (It's now known as a fursuit crush, guys!). I tweeted a whole lot of garbage which I wont reiterate, but when I got to Seattle after BLFC I found I had been blocked. I knew once this happened I had seriously gone too far. I intended to try and explain myself at Furlandia, but I just felt too anxious and after "He just keeps following us around!" I ran. I shouldn't have, but I did.
Rainfurrest came around, and when the fursuiter saw me he turned away, giving me the cold shoulder. I couldn't believe it. I knew I had to try and explain, but I just felt too anxious. Finally after consulting a friend about the situation he prodded me to go talk, but this just earned me the cold shoulder again. At MFF2014 I tried one last time, this time the cold shoulder would have been preferred, what I got was much worse. I gave up after that point, I had lost the respect of the fursuiter and would probably never again be able to experience the happiness and energy from them that exhilarated me. I had no choice but to move on and forget them.
If any of you do know the fursuiter involved in this, PLEASE don't give out their identity here. Any comments with the identity will be hidden. Deep down I still respect them for the positive energy that they gave me three years ago that inspired me to become a fursuiter as well. I'm not overly good at it right now, but I'm learning as I go along! Honestly though it's thanks to every fursuiter I've met who feeds the overwhelming sense of happiness into everyone that I am the person I am today. If any of you know of Star Trek Voyager and Seven-of-Nine's journey to individuality I can seriously relate to that with my journey to becoming someone to give out positive energy to absolutely everyone in an environment that makes me feel so happy.
Anyways I really appreciate all of you for reading this journal. I just need someway of being able to explain the few things that have gone wrong so they can hopefully be put right. I also want to explain what the furry fandom means to me and that I can honestly say - I'm so glad I found you all!
Thank you everyone!
FriendlyFox
I was into the furry thing for years before I finally got the courage to attend a con, and now I go to about five a year. Because of cons and fursuiting, I've recently met some great people and gained some close friends. It's nice to know that there are other people out there like me.