I know these feelings so well, I've been falling into the same hole recently. I think therapy/counseling is the best course to go with, but medication helped me in the past when I got to the point I was physically wasting away because I wasn't even eating at all. I hope things get better for you and you find a path out of this! I'm sorry for commenting on something personal like this when we don't know each other at all, but I hate to see someone hurting. If I can help at all, I'm happy to. :(

Afraid of any sunshine because of the possible journey back into darkness. Yeah, that's kind of my own personal existence.

Guilty is a dangerous thing. It's hard to carry on that state of mind so you should take a time to think about the positive things and analyze what is making you feel bad. Therapy is a plus so keep going. Hugs!

I'm sure a lot of us can relate to these feelings. Sometimes it's just about looking at your to-do list like they're challenges instead of requirements. At each part of what you have to do. The pieces instead of the whole. The whole is... overwhelming. So try not to let your "scope" get too big to make you feel like you're drowning.

I hope your therapy will help. Sometimes it can feel like relief for just that hour or day and then wear off. Maybe work on developing a coping mechanism or exercise than can help you long term. (Speaking of, physical exercise can be a great way to kickstart your body.)

Don't forget to take care of yourself. It's hard, sometimes the hardest thing to do. Eat, sleep, take a shower.

If you need to talk, let me know. Can be good to unload on a stranger sometimes. No judgments, and no advice if you don't want it. Just an ear to listen.

Good luck, chin up!

Keep your chin up, Vani! Keep going to therapy and try to find something distracting like games or tv shows. Things will get better, trust me <3

a therapist can say the things you need to hear to help you feel better..i highly recommend it. meds can and will help...after my anxiety attack i get some meds that made me feel more calm and relaxed than i had ever been.

Holy shit, do you sound overwhelmed. < :U

I hope you can at the very least open up to your therapist, cause you have to open up to someone.

I'm...not too sure how I feel about you re-homing your pets? When I hit the deep dark lonely place that I felt this year, I forced myself to adopt a dog. It was the best thing I ever did. She was a rescue w/ health conditions and I got her nursed her back to health. I felt accomplished doing so and I felt good knowing that she appreciated me helping her. There are still many MANY days where i'd rather just sleep for days straight, but knowing that she needs me is what gets my ass out of bed eventually every morning. But that's just me.

-SHRUG- I mean, you barely know me. I've probably talked directly to you about 5 times in the last 7ish years of knowing you. But eh. I'll toss my hat in the ring. Can't hurt right? I'm used to hearing every depressing sad broken story in the book. I'm...used to dealing w/ broken spirited people to say the least. If you ever feel like talking to someone knew you could always message me. Even if it's just to sob all over the place. People need that every now and then. You're no different, even if you've had a shit ton of bad luck and fucked up a lot-- I'm certainly not one to judge; let me tell ya.

I....really don't know what else to say here honestly. I hope you manage to get yourself back together, either keep taking care of your pets or find new loving homes and I really REALLY hope you can make your dream of becoming a self-sustaining artist come true. <:

Oh man I can really feel myself there. *hugs*
I know this won't help much but there are still people who care about you. I do, even if I don't know you! And if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here and I am always up to listen and offer my comfort to those who need it. If nothing I'll try to make you laugh!
Please take care and don't give up!!

And feel free to vent to me if you want to!

Aw friend. Gives hugs.

Maybe take a break from drawing for a while if you think it'll make you feel less overwhelmed, suggesting that from experience. I took a big break from art when my depression hit super hard and found other things (if I did anything) to do in that time. Coming back when I felt better was really good for me, art had stressed me out to a point I didn't realize. Wishing you well and hoping you start to feel better soon :< <3

PLease don't hesitate to message me if you need to. I am here for you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you feel so overwhelmed and broken. ;; I hope things turn around for you soon. Just try to keep your head up. Its hard sometimes, but I definitely think things will get better in time. Just remember to breathe. If you ever need someone to talk to, I see many have offered but I'll extend the offer as well. I'm always around and I'll gladly give you my skype or telegram ;; seeing a therapist seems like a great idea though, I really hope that it helps you!

you're not broken, Vani, you're just unwell at the moment
if you have a history of mental health that's a little bit wonky sometimes, it's probably a relapse and it's part of dealing with a long term condition. please go to your therapy appointment because they can help you figure out ways to cope and work around your low mood, relapses don't have to be this bad every time, and they can definitely get better and less frequent. it's totally possible! and you're so right to go to a therapist, it'll help!!

I know things are awful right now, but there are treatments and coping mechanisms
it sounds like my stuff is similar to yours and it probably feels to you like you don't want to keep living if you keep going through cycles of building something good for yourself and then 'sabotaging it' every time. I know that it sorta feels even worse when you actually manage to achieve something only to have it taken away, but it's not you that's sabotaging things. it's not your fault and you're not broken. but at the same time it is possible to take back some sort of control, it just takes treatment

I'm not saying it's easy or anything, I know firsthand that it's really hard, but you are worth that, right?
your pets love you, your watchers love you, and you can totally learn to love yourself enough to feel worth that fight
because you are, you are so so so so worth it. you are so worth going to therapy. you are so worth pushing through recovery. you are so worth it.

if you're struggling with where to start, it's actually my volunteer job right now to help people plan their first few steps to recovery. my inbox is super open.

you art is wonderful and expressive and has so much capability to make you feel happy and make other people feel happy over many years (including me!!)
but drawing or not drawing is not a reliable marker of your worth as a person. if you need to take time out, you need to take time out.

I'll be thinking of you and cheering for you!
good luck!

Vani baby take some time off. If you need someone to watch over them I can maybe help if needed?
Also if you need someone to just sit next to you I'm willing to do that as well. I want to help in any way I can. Don't get too far in the dark. There are people that truly care about you. I do hope you can see that. Please try and stay well.

I know how you feel, and I understand. Recently I went through a similar patch in my life... and it was hard. I had my days of doubt and hopelessness, and of course you will too, but...

You'll get through this. I don't know you well enough to truly give you good advice, but what I can say is that it will surely get better. You wake up from the scariest dreams, and the horror movies all have an ending, and surely you stop crying when you get a cut. Of course this sadness you feel will have an ending as well.

Remember in these times to lean on your friends. Your brain might be telling you otherwise, but... Your true friends will be there for you.

While we don't know one another at all, I will be sending positive vibes your way. Take care, and keep fighting.

If something stresses you out, or over whelms you you're not over reacting. Please go to to your therapy seasons, tell them all of this because you need some help figuring out a path, which is hard to find.
Especially before you make any rash decisions, also remember if you're medication isn't working that could be one of the main factors which your therapist should be able to help with.
Most of all don't stress yourself out any further, artwork owned is something you can get too when you're in the right state of mind to work.

it may be dark now but their will always be light at the end of a tunnel

I'm not under any illusion that I can help you, but I know a dark place much like the one you're in now. And it is a peculiar and profound hell.

I know my voice won't drown out the sick little voice in your mind that tells you otherwise, especially after you've made some mistakes you probably find it difficult not to dwell on, but the fact is that you're not probably not markedly better or worse than any of the rest of us poor messed-up individuals. I very much hope you can find a way to keep that awareness within you.

-hugs as I'm not sure what I can do-

Being overwhelmed and stressed out in such a way isn't overreacting in the slightest, no matter how hard it is to convince yourself sometimes and it's something that I (and by the looks of it a lot of others) totally relate to. Sometimes taking time for yourself helps, sometimes it doesn't, but it's certainly something to try. It's difficult when you reach that low point in how you're feeling, but sometimes therapy does help a lot more than you expect it to, so I truly hope that goes well for you.
I feel a little embarrassed popping in only after having just followed you but if you ever need to vent about this sort of thing I'm more than happy to lend an ear if you ever need someone to talk to. Sometimes chatting helps a ton too, even if it's only temporary. Just try to take it easy and try not to burn yourself out on art you owe. I'm certain people will understand.

*huuuuugsssss* I hope you find the resources that will help you, Vani :) You take the time you need to heal. Take the time for yourself so you can power up again. Just because you don't have outwardly obvious symptoms like if you had a cold or the flu or had something that required emergency surgery, doesn't mean that what you're feeling isn't just as valid. You aren't over-reacting. You are allowed to feel like you do without owing anyone an apology, and you are allowed to take whatever time you need to get back to yourself, sweetie. :)



Reading what others have posted here was really encouraging. I'm feeling pretty similarly, lately, too.

At this point I'm just...afraid. Afraid to open up. Afraid to be happy again. Afraid to even attempt because it seems once everything is good, it just gets ruined all over again and I find myself in the same dark place as before... like I belong here or something.

Oh no, I know this feeling too well. I'm sorry you have to deal with it too. When it sets in it's so hard to have hope, and at least for me sometimes even trying to have hope when I'm in that place is just like lifting something heavy and having it collapse on top of you.

You don't belong there, nobody belongs there, but I know how hard it can be to feel otherwise. Something I've been learning is during those really hard moments... sometimes you have to sit with them, but sometimes you can do that without making it worse or feeding that awful spiral of negative thoughts and just latching onto the fact that you don't always feel like this and that relief can come again. It's honestly not something you can always talk yourself out of, so coping with distraction until you're stable enough to fight back and solve problems isn't bad. Until you get out from under this, take care of yourself--don't beat yourself up if you can't make your deadline. You've already gotten a lot done and you're being accountable and communicative from what I've seen, so at this point nobody can fault you. It's really hard not to feel guilty about that stuff, but for real. Depression's just as real as being physically sick, and you definitely can't be blamed for it, so please take care of yourself as if you were, and try to feel as much empathy for yourself as you would a friend in the same situation.

We haven't in a while, but I'm also here if you want to talk-- I like to think I'm pretty ok for tossing ideas around, but I could also just listen if need be!