this past week has been kind of awful

for a lot of reasons



as you all knew, I had the first bit of stuff done to actually fix my tooth, which ended up being hella painful because they had to do a surgical extraction of the root of the tooth, so yay pain killers, and we were supposed to go looking at a new stove, but my family has decided that that's an expense that's just out of everyone's budget so that's not gonna be happening for a while... At least I do know a good chunk of no-cook recipes, or stuff that can be done in a crock pot, microwave, or sandwich press...


but that's all sort of not the big part of everything being shitty.

Earlier this week, my partner of 4 years pretty much point blank told me they didn't 'love' me anymore, and had plans to be moving out in about three months. We'd just moved into our current place mid november, a condo, something permanent that we OWN, something we've been working for the past four years, and now I'm going to be trapped here. Alone. And over the past week, even though they still 'want to be friends', I've been pretty much shut out, living in the living room, and the only time they talk to me is if they're heading to the kitchen for food. I'm so fucking wrecked right now, I don't know what I did. They don't want to talk about it, and I don't know what's brought all of this on, and I'm just so fucking lost. Everything I've worked for, everything I've been living for has fallen apart around me and there's nothing I can do right now to pick up the pieces. They've made their decisions. They've already made plans to move out. They're pretty much all set in what they want to do with their life, but I'm left in the dark and stuck where I am because my name's on the lease.

I don't want to be here in this condo by myself and the silence here feel like it's starting to drive me crazy.

The only silver lining to this all is that I MIGHT be having a friend move in around the same time to help lighten the bill load and have another body in the house... but it's still months away, and I just really hate everything right now...

Now, i've been trying to work through it and just... carry on, cause I do not like mixing personal stuff with online stuff, but I'm really down right now, and pretty much all motivation has gone out the window. I'm going to be still trying to get things finished today, but I don't know If I can actually promise all of them will be finished before christmas. I'm going to be prioritizing gift pictures over other stuff.


Other than that, I really don't want to talk about stuff right now. With anyone. It's all the same looping circles and bringing up the same shit over and over. I'm not going to do anything stupid, so please don't worry about that kind of thing, but I'm just... really out of sorts... The last week, my life has pretty much gone to hell, and while I do try to look on the bright side in most situations, there really doesn't seem to be any bright side I can find right now...

I'm sorry, you guys.