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this dream was too awesome to not copypasta
16 years ago
Here be things I say:
This one took place at my grandparents' house up in Medford (North-central Wisconsin).
I was living there with some other people/roommates, one of which was either a badger or a wolverine or possibly a combination of the two. Some incredibly ornery creature, anyway. And this badger beast was the head of the household very much like Frank, BLU's Pyro in this fic (http://danceflower.net/TF2chan/fanfic/res/527.htm) [TL;DR: basically leads through fear tactics and an iron fist).
Some way or another I managed to piss the badger thing off. I don't remember how exactly, I think it was something like I accidentally made a noise that woke it up, and it was out for my blood. Freaking the fuck out, I snuck off into my room and blocked the door. I could hear it coming up the stairs, snarling threats and throwing things. I went to the window, trying to think of an escape plan, when I see a familiar red laser sight aimed at the neighbor's barn.
I leaned out the window to see that Sniper's window below me was open, having his usual face-off with the 'enemy', so I hissed his name as quietly as I could, trying to get his attention, but to no avail.
He heard me, but was too far into 'the zone' to pay attention. Desperately, I search the room for something I could use in aid for breaking his concentration. The badger was near my door at this point, my legs getting that quivery jelly feeling from the fear and adrenaline. I found a box of cigarettes, went to the window, and dropped the pack into Sniper's line of fire. The badger's clawing at the door now. Sniper, his focus shaken, pops his head out the window to glare at me.
Frantic, I tell him in as low of a voice as I can muster that I need him to help me. As he agrees, the door behind me starts to splinter and break, so out the window I go, hanging onto the sill, praying to whatever deity that'll listen that the drop from the second story won't render me completely incapacitated.
I let go, and scramble into Sniper's room the second I hit the ground, hearing the badger's growls of rage at his lost prey. I turn to put the screen back into place, hands shaking and fingers fumbling at the clasps. The badger's outside now, standing at the sill, practically frothing.
I back away as it makes it's way inside, looking to Sniper for help. He grabs it by the scruff of the neck and is like, "You're afraid of this little bugger? I've seen dead water buffalo that are more threatening than this" as he's poking it on the nose. The badger proceeds to bite him, and he drops it in surprise. As he reaches for his rifle to shoot the belligerent animal, it scuffles it's way under the bed.
It stays under there, being awfully quiet. I question Sniper's worried expression, to which he states his concern for his dog (an Australian cattle dog, lawl) that was under the bed.
Cautiously, I lift the edge of the bed skirt, not wanting to startle the beast. I just see some general movement. "Shit," I whispered, "I think it's eating your dog."
"What?! She was my best hunting dog!"
Sniper gets on all fours, flashlight in hand, to see for himself what is going on under his bed.
He clicks the light on, and illuminates what is probably the most bizarre scene I've ever laid eyes upon, real, imagined or dreamed.
The badger is fucking his dog, wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora.
Rorschach enters the room, kneels down to see what we're watching in shocked horror, goes "LOL TRENCHCOAT ORGY" and proceeds to buttsecks the badger.
~FIN
I was living there with some other people/roommates, one of which was either a badger or a wolverine or possibly a combination of the two. Some incredibly ornery creature, anyway. And this badger beast was the head of the household very much like Frank, BLU's Pyro in this fic (http://danceflower.net/TF2chan/fanfic/res/527.htm) [TL;DR: basically leads through fear tactics and an iron fist).
Some way or another I managed to piss the badger thing off. I don't remember how exactly, I think it was something like I accidentally made a noise that woke it up, and it was out for my blood. Freaking the fuck out, I snuck off into my room and blocked the door. I could hear it coming up the stairs, snarling threats and throwing things. I went to the window, trying to think of an escape plan, when I see a familiar red laser sight aimed at the neighbor's barn.
I leaned out the window to see that Sniper's window below me was open, having his usual face-off with the 'enemy', so I hissed his name as quietly as I could, trying to get his attention, but to no avail.
He heard me, but was too far into 'the zone' to pay attention. Desperately, I search the room for something I could use in aid for breaking his concentration. The badger was near my door at this point, my legs getting that quivery jelly feeling from the fear and adrenaline. I found a box of cigarettes, went to the window, and dropped the pack into Sniper's line of fire. The badger's clawing at the door now. Sniper, his focus shaken, pops his head out the window to glare at me.
Frantic, I tell him in as low of a voice as I can muster that I need him to help me. As he agrees, the door behind me starts to splinter and break, so out the window I go, hanging onto the sill, praying to whatever deity that'll listen that the drop from the second story won't render me completely incapacitated.
I let go, and scramble into Sniper's room the second I hit the ground, hearing the badger's growls of rage at his lost prey. I turn to put the screen back into place, hands shaking and fingers fumbling at the clasps. The badger's outside now, standing at the sill, practically frothing.
I back away as it makes it's way inside, looking to Sniper for help. He grabs it by the scruff of the neck and is like, "You're afraid of this little bugger? I've seen dead water buffalo that are more threatening than this" as he's poking it on the nose. The badger proceeds to bite him, and he drops it in surprise. As he reaches for his rifle to shoot the belligerent animal, it scuffles it's way under the bed.
It stays under there, being awfully quiet. I question Sniper's worried expression, to which he states his concern for his dog (an Australian cattle dog, lawl) that was under the bed.
Cautiously, I lift the edge of the bed skirt, not wanting to startle the beast. I just see some general movement. "Shit," I whispered, "I think it's eating your dog."
"What?! She was my best hunting dog!"
Sniper gets on all fours, flashlight in hand, to see for himself what is going on under his bed.
He clicks the light on, and illuminates what is probably the most bizarre scene I've ever laid eyes upon, real, imagined or dreamed.
The badger is fucking his dog, wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora.
Rorschach enters the room, kneels down to see what we're watching in shocked horror, goes "LOL TRENCHCOAT ORGY" and proceeds to buttsecks the badger.
~FIN
I'm STILL snickering. It keeps coming back into my brain.