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I'm Ready To Give Up On EVERYTHING.
10 years ago
Im just ready to do this.
When I was in the hospital for Acute Kidney Failure part of me which I had died. I still think about it. Like "Why didn't I die? People would of been better off. Only my family will miss me, no one else really cared about me and I would die alone without someone to love nor someone to love me back in return."
It would of been perfect. I died and not even people on here would know or care.
All started in August
I have been going through so much lately.. From my ex breaking up with me and kicking me out to the curb. Having to find a place to live with cat/son last minute without a guy asking for sex in return. To finding a job. To not having a car because I junked my car to help my ex when we were together to get a car because his job required it. During all this mess I had completely forgotten to do traffic school, and forgot about a traffic trick so now I have my license suspended until I pay that ticket off and reinstate my license before I am even able to buy a car for myself.
September/October
Things started to look hopeful as i was able to find a place to leave, the gentleman was nice and said not too worry about paying him right then and there, but as soon as I got a job i had to start paying. I found a job, and started paying him. Everything was going awesome, I was working full time, i was making money.. then November 20th happened and I had to put down my son my cat my love of my life Cinder. I basically begged and told my Ex to come before I had to put him down because he was the only other person that had been with Cinder for the majority of his life. My ex later also took me to my mom's place that is 3 hours away so I can bury him next to my dog Rebelle. And that's when things with my health started to go down hill.
November/December
I got urinary retention first, where I was unable to pee at all and had to wear a catheter for 2 weeks, and during this 2 weeks I was in excruciating pain that no pain pill could remove. I had gotten a Urinary tract Infection due to the catheter and was Given Pyridium for pain, Ciproflaxin for the Antibiotic and Flomax which is given to older men to help urinate. When I went to the urologist and did the voiding test, it was early in the morning so when I got back to my friend's place I went straight to bed, and when I awoke I had to pee so bad, but super scared. Luckily I was able to go by myself.
The next day, I got paid, not a lot but enough, and I was feeling extremely awful, my ex had help me drive around to finish up some errands. I had chest pains, i felt nauseous. My Blood pressure was 160/100, I just feel gawd awful, so I asked my ex to take me to the ER. He stayed with me until I got admitted, but he had to leave because he had other things he had to do. So Im in the ER, they had taken chest Xray and blood work, and I had told them i was hungry so they brought me a sammich and something to drink. I ate like half the sammich and half the drink, I felt too sick to eat anymore. The doctor came in after looking over my blood work and told me that my kidney's creatinine levels were extremely high, to the levels of, Acute Renal Failure. And that's when I had called my mom, dad, sister and brother and let them know what was all going on. I got admitted to an actual Hospital.
During the 4 days I was in the hospital about 2 and a half of those days I was on a Renal Diet, and I had absolutely no one to come visit me. My Mother finally decided to screw her job and come stay with me for the last 2 days I was in the hospital so I wouldn't be alone. During my stay, it was difficult because I was on fluids/salines 24/7, as soon as one bag finished they put another one. They also had to keep track of how much urine i produced so they had to pee in a hat constantly and it was annoying to have a nurse or PCT come in, measure and dump it so I can pee again. I had gotten hardly no sleep because i had to get up every 1-2 hours to pee because of the fluids. I had gone through 6 bags of fluids while my stay in the hospital and I don't know how much water and sprite i had drank.
They finally gave me Zofran for the nausea and Pepcid because it seems I had acquired Acid reflux. And now I take it every night, because without it I feel terribly sick all the time, with my chest hurting and all that jazz. I still haven't been able to go to a doctor and get blood work done to do a follow up, because I haven't had the money to pay Uber to drive me or anything because my paycheck was only of 47 hours for 2 weeks. I had to pay rent and the money left over was hardly anything. I even took out a small cash advance from Amscot before i got paid because I had no money.
With all this I was so happy to go back to work, only to find more stress, emotionally, not work related. I was hoping to have an awesome time with someone for New Years Eve but it seems like I'll just be spending it alone, first time ever that I'll ever be alone on New years eve and it makes me extremely sad.
I want to tell you guys a little bit about me.
I am a very.. very.. vain person. To be completely honest. If I don't think you look nice, or once i find out you dont look nice I stop talking to you, or wont even approach you. There are exceptions of course. But.. I have notice this is the kind of person I am, I don't know why.. I am also pretty contradicting, I'll admit this, I'll admit everything. I don't anything else to hide, I am now an open book and you may ask me anything.
I'm also the type of person where if you're joking around, about something I don't know about and you say something kinda semi-serious. I WILL BELIEVE YOU, until you tell me other wise.
With all that said...
Please read my previous journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7276911/
I am not asking you to donate, I am more asking you to provide me signal boost. I am trying to sell my Nexus 7 and trying to save up money so I buy a new graphics tablet. I am also offering to be art slave for life if someone will buy me a new graphics tablet.
When I was in the hospital for Acute Kidney Failure part of me which I had died. I still think about it. Like "Why didn't I die? People would of been better off. Only my family will miss me, no one else really cared about me and I would die alone without someone to love nor someone to love me back in return."
It would of been perfect. I died and not even people on here would know or care.
All started in August
I have been going through so much lately.. From my ex breaking up with me and kicking me out to the curb. Having to find a place to live with cat/son last minute without a guy asking for sex in return. To finding a job. To not having a car because I junked my car to help my ex when we were together to get a car because his job required it. During all this mess I had completely forgotten to do traffic school, and forgot about a traffic trick so now I have my license suspended until I pay that ticket off and reinstate my license before I am even able to buy a car for myself.
September/October
Things started to look hopeful as i was able to find a place to leave, the gentleman was nice and said not too worry about paying him right then and there, but as soon as I got a job i had to start paying. I found a job, and started paying him. Everything was going awesome, I was working full time, i was making money.. then November 20th happened and I had to put down my son my cat my love of my life Cinder. I basically begged and told my Ex to come before I had to put him down because he was the only other person that had been with Cinder for the majority of his life. My ex later also took me to my mom's place that is 3 hours away so I can bury him next to my dog Rebelle. And that's when things with my health started to go down hill.
November/December
I got urinary retention first, where I was unable to pee at all and had to wear a catheter for 2 weeks, and during this 2 weeks I was in excruciating pain that no pain pill could remove. I had gotten a Urinary tract Infection due to the catheter and was Given Pyridium for pain, Ciproflaxin for the Antibiotic and Flomax which is given to older men to help urinate. When I went to the urologist and did the voiding test, it was early in the morning so when I got back to my friend's place I went straight to bed, and when I awoke I had to pee so bad, but super scared. Luckily I was able to go by myself.
The next day, I got paid, not a lot but enough, and I was feeling extremely awful, my ex had help me drive around to finish up some errands. I had chest pains, i felt nauseous. My Blood pressure was 160/100, I just feel gawd awful, so I asked my ex to take me to the ER. He stayed with me until I got admitted, but he had to leave because he had other things he had to do. So Im in the ER, they had taken chest Xray and blood work, and I had told them i was hungry so they brought me a sammich and something to drink. I ate like half the sammich and half the drink, I felt too sick to eat anymore. The doctor came in after looking over my blood work and told me that my kidney's creatinine levels were extremely high, to the levels of, Acute Renal Failure. And that's when I had called my mom, dad, sister and brother and let them know what was all going on. I got admitted to an actual Hospital.
During the 4 days I was in the hospital about 2 and a half of those days I was on a Renal Diet, and I had absolutely no one to come visit me. My Mother finally decided to screw her job and come stay with me for the last 2 days I was in the hospital so I wouldn't be alone. During my stay, it was difficult because I was on fluids/salines 24/7, as soon as one bag finished they put another one. They also had to keep track of how much urine i produced so they had to pee in a hat constantly and it was annoying to have a nurse or PCT come in, measure and dump it so I can pee again. I had gotten hardly no sleep because i had to get up every 1-2 hours to pee because of the fluids. I had gone through 6 bags of fluids while my stay in the hospital and I don't know how much water and sprite i had drank.
They finally gave me Zofran for the nausea and Pepcid because it seems I had acquired Acid reflux. And now I take it every night, because without it I feel terribly sick all the time, with my chest hurting and all that jazz. I still haven't been able to go to a doctor and get blood work done to do a follow up, because I haven't had the money to pay Uber to drive me or anything because my paycheck was only of 47 hours for 2 weeks. I had to pay rent and the money left over was hardly anything. I even took out a small cash advance from Amscot before i got paid because I had no money.
With all this I was so happy to go back to work, only to find more stress, emotionally, not work related. I was hoping to have an awesome time with someone for New Years Eve but it seems like I'll just be spending it alone, first time ever that I'll ever be alone on New years eve and it makes me extremely sad.
I want to tell you guys a little bit about me.
I am a very.. very.. vain person. To be completely honest. If I don't think you look nice, or once i find out you dont look nice I stop talking to you, or wont even approach you. There are exceptions of course. But.. I have notice this is the kind of person I am, I don't know why.. I am also pretty contradicting, I'll admit this, I'll admit everything. I don't anything else to hide, I am now an open book and you may ask me anything.
I'm also the type of person where if you're joking around, about something I don't know about and you say something kinda semi-serious. I WILL BELIEVE YOU, until you tell me other wise.
With all that said...
Please read my previous journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7276911/
I am not asking you to donate, I am more asking you to provide me signal boost. I am trying to sell my Nexus 7 and trying to save up money so I buy a new graphics tablet. I am also offering to be art slave for life if someone will buy me a new graphics tablet.
*hugs* I'm sorry I can't do more right now.