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The sad story of my christmas - every year.
10 years ago
Maybe you saw it on Facebook, Skype, or maybe my journal here. But, I finally had my birthday; on the 30th December.
And this day, each year, sucks in one or another way.
Today, I will introduce you to the faith that you get when you have an end-of-the-year birthdate.
So, aside from all my private problems that I am carrying with me (being sacked from my apprenticeship, for instance), I have a problem that repeats itself over and over, each year, same day. And that is, that on the date of my birthday, everybody is gone. The problem is an easy one: not even a week before my birthday is christmas eve. Many people celebreate with their families and friends, hang out together or maybe go to church with their relatives. It is a great day for many - me included. But then, six days later, there is a seventh to come, and that is new year's eve. That means: big parties, big things to do. Buying the fireworks, picking clothes for the party, buying the goods for a party and preparing the environment for said party. It all usually falls short on the 30th. My birthday.
Each year that the clock ticks midnight and I am a year older, I usually get a few messages from my closest or bestest friends. Or once I even got one from a bot... it was funny, gonna let it have that. But other then that, thats it. My mother and father visit me - or used to knock me awake with some cake at midnight when I lived at their place - and then we talk, talk and talk. Oh, and we eat cake.
Usually, everyone else is gone. For instance, when I was bakc at my old school in Friedberg, my friends lived a minimum of two hours off. Plus, we were too young to go alone by train or bus, mainly because our parents wouldn't let us due to our visual impairment. That meant, that we relied on our lovely parents - who, unfortunately, didn't want to drive through the mud and ice that was usually present on the streets. And as a result, nobody could come.
Most of the time, it would be around mid-janurary that school would start again, and then people would remember I had birthday:
"Oh wait, wasn't your birthday on the 30th? Sorry I forgot to send my best wishes! I was (...)"
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there on your birthday, but my mom said, (...)"
"Yeah, my parents made me prepare the silvester party, so I couldn't come, what a bummer..."
Every. Freaking. Year.
But there is more. Here, you may think I sound greedy or unhappy or something, but I am not. Because as a second outcome, I don't get presents. Weird of me to say that, right? But its true.
Let's take for instance person X whose birthday is somewhere in July. This is usually mid-summer here in Germany. Person X can invite his friends and they bring little goodies. Or, if you think online, some of his artist friends or story friends or whatever draw him a teeny tiny happy birthday giftcard or something like that.
But since everyone is gone in my case, I don't get anything. So each year I simply bought something for myself and searched for a reason to be happy on that day and celebreate something at least, to forget how lonely my birthday actually is. This year, unfortunately, this was incredibly hard and failed in the long run. Allt he problems of this year that have piled and stacked up and together have reached a climaxing point for me.
I lost my apprentice ship.
I had to move out of my old village.
Lots of my friends graduated last year and are mostly gone.
And I have some other problems that I can not disclose. But frankly speaking, I am actually astornished by how long my psyche has held together.
But try celebreating a lonely birthday with nothing else but your laptop, a gaming console, and your code.
... i made me a little present box in ASCII art ...
i know this is an unusual journal for me, but I just needed to write this down and out somewhere. It's...lonely here. Even the people I was talking to a lot are currently gone and unreachable, and the circle from all the previous years will continue. Oh well...
And this day, each year, sucks in one or another way.
Today, I will introduce you to the faith that you get when you have an end-of-the-year birthdate.
So, aside from all my private problems that I am carrying with me (being sacked from my apprenticeship, for instance), I have a problem that repeats itself over and over, each year, same day. And that is, that on the date of my birthday, everybody is gone. The problem is an easy one: not even a week before my birthday is christmas eve. Many people celebreate with their families and friends, hang out together or maybe go to church with their relatives. It is a great day for many - me included. But then, six days later, there is a seventh to come, and that is new year's eve. That means: big parties, big things to do. Buying the fireworks, picking clothes for the party, buying the goods for a party and preparing the environment for said party. It all usually falls short on the 30th. My birthday.
Each year that the clock ticks midnight and I am a year older, I usually get a few messages from my closest or bestest friends. Or once I even got one from a bot... it was funny, gonna let it have that. But other then that, thats it. My mother and father visit me - or used to knock me awake with some cake at midnight when I lived at their place - and then we talk, talk and talk. Oh, and we eat cake.
Usually, everyone else is gone. For instance, when I was bakc at my old school in Friedberg, my friends lived a minimum of two hours off. Plus, we were too young to go alone by train or bus, mainly because our parents wouldn't let us due to our visual impairment. That meant, that we relied on our lovely parents - who, unfortunately, didn't want to drive through the mud and ice that was usually present on the streets. And as a result, nobody could come.
Most of the time, it would be around mid-janurary that school would start again, and then people would remember I had birthday:
"Oh wait, wasn't your birthday on the 30th? Sorry I forgot to send my best wishes! I was (...)"
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there on your birthday, but my mom said, (...)"
"Yeah, my parents made me prepare the silvester party, so I couldn't come, what a bummer..."
Every. Freaking. Year.
But there is more. Here, you may think I sound greedy or unhappy or something, but I am not. Because as a second outcome, I don't get presents. Weird of me to say that, right? But its true.
Let's take for instance person X whose birthday is somewhere in July. This is usually mid-summer here in Germany. Person X can invite his friends and they bring little goodies. Or, if you think online, some of his artist friends or story friends or whatever draw him a teeny tiny happy birthday giftcard or something like that.
But since everyone is gone in my case, I don't get anything. So each year I simply bought something for myself and searched for a reason to be happy on that day and celebreate something at least, to forget how lonely my birthday actually is. This year, unfortunately, this was incredibly hard and failed in the long run. Allt he problems of this year that have piled and stacked up and together have reached a climaxing point for me.
I lost my apprentice ship.
I had to move out of my old village.
Lots of my friends graduated last year and are mostly gone.
And I have some other problems that I can not disclose. But frankly speaking, I am actually astornished by how long my psyche has held together.
But try celebreating a lonely birthday with nothing else but your laptop, a gaming console, and your code.
... i made me a little present box in ASCII art ...
i know this is an unusual journal for me, but I just needed to write this down and out somewhere. It's...lonely here. Even the people I was talking to a lot are currently gone and unreachable, and the circle from all the previous years will continue. Oh well...
If you wanna hang out in skype or so, just poke me...im virtually always there o.o
*hugs back.*