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Fuck 2015.
10 years ago
General
Ugh. 2015 was the worst year ever.
Started out promising enough, like they all do. I thought I might actually get a shot at working on an ambulance this year. Nope. Still never moved up and still never given a reason for it. I tried getting into the fire department, but didn't make the cut. I feel okay about that because I at least know why, and it's something I can fix. I have no idea what I could have been working on on the EMT side this whole time, because I never got to test myself. My EMT cert will expire soon and since I've gotten zero real experience since I've gotten it, I'm probably just gonna give up on it. Not really worth renewing at this point.
I quit Sears in May. BLFC was awesome. I started working at the county jail after that. Thought it would be actual EMT work, but the closest I got was sticking needles in people for blood draws. Horrible place to be medical staff, too. Understaffed, overworked. Pressured to do a rush job on our work, and work through breaks. Possible OSHA violations. Not really a safe or healthy environment. The pressure and stress got so bad I came close to having a mental breakdown. After that, in October, I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety on top of my OCD. I quit a month later.
I got a new car in September. It's about the only good thing that came out of that job, and about the best thing to happen for me in general in years. I paid it off earlier this month, so it's fully mine now. I took it on a trip to California not long after I got it and saw Foo Fighters play live. I also built up a nice LaserDisc collection and bought a PS4. But because I quit the jail when I did, I didn't really have much money for the holidays. I had a nice Christmas, but I couldn't buy any decent gifts for anyone I care about, and I feel awful.
New Year's Eve I went to a party hosted by some of the local furs and the fucking local newscasters botched the countdown and completely missed it. I hope to God that's not some kind of omen. 2014 kinda sucked. 2015 said "oh, you thought that was bad? HAHA, FUCK YOU."
Now FC is coming up. I'm still really hoping to go and I even preregistered for it, but honestly, I still have no solid plans in place, and nowhere to stay while I'm there. The only way I'm guaranteed to go currently is to drive myself and then camp out in my car, so that's what I'm gonna do. I'm so tired of never leaving home. Work was basically the only thing that consistently got me out.
After January, I really can't think of anything to look forward to in 2016. I'm so full of anxiety now and my self-confidence is basically gone. If I can get a job that doesn't make me hate myself I'll consider it a successful year.
And because I do it every year...
Favorite albums:
Radiohead - "OK Computer"
Nine Inch Nails - "The Fragile"
Slipknot - "Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses"
Coldplay - "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
Audioslave - "Audioslave"
Songs:
Moby - "Porcelain"
Audioslave - "Shadow on the Sun"
Mazzy Star - "Look on Down from the Bridge"
Nine Inch Nails - "Dead Souls" (Technically a Joy Division song but whatever)
Muse - "Starlight"
Com Truise - "She Melts"
Coldplay - "God Put A Smile Upon Your Face"
Foo Fighters - "Learn to Fly"
STRFKR - "Slow Dance"
Soundgarden - "Black Hole Sun"
Started out promising enough, like they all do. I thought I might actually get a shot at working on an ambulance this year. Nope. Still never moved up and still never given a reason for it. I tried getting into the fire department, but didn't make the cut. I feel okay about that because I at least know why, and it's something I can fix. I have no idea what I could have been working on on the EMT side this whole time, because I never got to test myself. My EMT cert will expire soon and since I've gotten zero real experience since I've gotten it, I'm probably just gonna give up on it. Not really worth renewing at this point.
I quit Sears in May. BLFC was awesome. I started working at the county jail after that. Thought it would be actual EMT work, but the closest I got was sticking needles in people for blood draws. Horrible place to be medical staff, too. Understaffed, overworked. Pressured to do a rush job on our work, and work through breaks. Possible OSHA violations. Not really a safe or healthy environment. The pressure and stress got so bad I came close to having a mental breakdown. After that, in October, I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety on top of my OCD. I quit a month later.
I got a new car in September. It's about the only good thing that came out of that job, and about the best thing to happen for me in general in years. I paid it off earlier this month, so it's fully mine now. I took it on a trip to California not long after I got it and saw Foo Fighters play live. I also built up a nice LaserDisc collection and bought a PS4. But because I quit the jail when I did, I didn't really have much money for the holidays. I had a nice Christmas, but I couldn't buy any decent gifts for anyone I care about, and I feel awful.
New Year's Eve I went to a party hosted by some of the local furs and the fucking local newscasters botched the countdown and completely missed it. I hope to God that's not some kind of omen. 2014 kinda sucked. 2015 said "oh, you thought that was bad? HAHA, FUCK YOU."
Now FC is coming up. I'm still really hoping to go and I even preregistered for it, but honestly, I still have no solid plans in place, and nowhere to stay while I'm there. The only way I'm guaranteed to go currently is to drive myself and then camp out in my car, so that's what I'm gonna do. I'm so tired of never leaving home. Work was basically the only thing that consistently got me out.
After January, I really can't think of anything to look forward to in 2016. I'm so full of anxiety now and my self-confidence is basically gone. If I can get a job that doesn't make me hate myself I'll consider it a successful year.
And because I do it every year...
Favorite albums:
Radiohead - "OK Computer"
Nine Inch Nails - "The Fragile"
Slipknot - "Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses"
Coldplay - "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
Audioslave - "Audioslave"
Songs:
Moby - "Porcelain"
Audioslave - "Shadow on the Sun"
Mazzy Star - "Look on Down from the Bridge"
Nine Inch Nails - "Dead Souls" (Technically a Joy Division song but whatever)
Muse - "Starlight"
Com Truise - "She Melts"
Coldplay - "God Put A Smile Upon Your Face"
Foo Fighters - "Learn to Fly"
STRFKR - "Slow Dance"
Soundgarden - "Black Hole Sun"
even then the most obvious is often the hardest to see.
no one can take away what you know
and there are always other directions to look.
I hope that this coming year will treat you much better dude. You're a good worker and it'll pay off soon. Just gotta keep on keeping on. :)
NIN FTW