So lately if uve been reading these journals (really don't blame u if u haven't they are of me pure ranting an being bleh haha) I've not been sleeping properly, nowts changed there :')
My head keeps spinning with loads of different thoughts,
A certain girl
Transitioning
Money
Friends
Family
My animals (because lately they've been ill)
Life
Goals
Basically everything :')
I've come to teh conclusion tho that I genuinely have no idea what I want outta life heh... Like say before Christmas I had a pretty good idea, I wanted to fully transition, be with a certain girl, sort myself out an get a job, sort myself out an be able to go an make new friends, spend more time with my family, maybe even have my own sort of family... Now I'm questioning everything, do I want to transition an risk becoming a totally different person, cause although I act like it, I'm not actually that bad I do care about people an try an help them as much as I possibly can... Do I want this certain girl, because all I seem to do is hurt or be hurt an sometimes it feels like they don't care or want me or need me or whatever... Do I want friends? Majority of them only want me when it suits them bar a handful of people, u guys know who u are an I bloody love u for sticking by me even when I'm an emotional wreck like this :') do I want to be around my family more? Like all they seem to do is back stab an bitch an moan an lie an cause so much damn drama an all I seem to do is run around for them an not expect anything back but I'm always in teh wrong, I know most families can be like this an it's kinda a teenage thing but literally I'm not even kidding this is my family, I've been told this by numerous friends. Sometimes I just feel like getting whatever money grabbing my kids an running, except I wouldn't know where to go or what to do or anything an it wouldn't be fair on my cats or dogs for that matter. As for my own family... Ain't gonna happen haha there's people out there that actually like me... Like like like me... (Too many likes going on here sorry :')) but because I love this one girl... I don't think it's fair if I go into a relationship while I'm still in love... I have my pack, my kibbles, novel, pimple, snormal, witsuka, squee, Kato an zoom zooms... They're my life.. I wouldn't be here without them I don't think they realise that I need them more than they need me lol (names are their nicknames that's why they're so weird)
Think ima shut up
Totally realised that these sleepless nights are turning me into an emotionally blabbing blob :')