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An inconvient furry truth
10 years ago
So here is how my day went. I got up and went to work. Then I remembered I was the on-call person for today which meant I was working 10 hours instead of eight. I think thankfully managed to snag lunch at Panera and finished up my day getting home around a quarter after six at night.
About an hour after I get home and start doing game development stuff, friend A telegrams me and asked me if I want to talk. I get to a stopping point with my work and then I call him up. The first thing I hear from the phone is him sobbing and speaking in a very shaky voice. I ask him what the matter is and he tells me that him and his new squeeze are very likely to break up within the next day or so. This would not be so bad if they had not just met in person and he was still where friend B is miles away from home.
Over the course of our conversation I help him calm down and I tried to comfort him as best as possible. This also strikes a chord with me as I have been the veteran of many failed relationships. Some have been my fault, some have not been my fault, some are the case where we still don't know why we broke up in the first place but we did. It did make me realize something, however. At least in my experience, getting to know somebody online and falling for them before you even meet in person is a recipe for disaster. Whether or not you have a backstory with this person, when you meet in person it's like you're starting over from date number one again whether the mind realizes it or not. You're actually seeing this person for who they are and they're not hiding behind a computer screen.
I finally calmed him down to the point where he was ready to go to bed and was not going to hurt himself, but it got me thinking. There is a certain tranquility to being single. Yes there are spots of loneliness, but you deal with them as they come at least in my situation. As most of you know last year in March I broke up with my most recent ex-boyfriend and he moved back to California. I went through a period of six months with nothing but depressive and anxious thoughts after that, barely being able to function in daily life yet somehow by a miracle holding it all together.
It was harder on the both of us because we were actually engaged to be married. There were a lot of flaws with our relationship that we did not talk about until at least a year later. We had poor communication and bottling everything up inside just made things go to hell that much faster. I have had lots of relationships in the past where the other guy just gets tired of me or couldn't handle what state of mind I was saying at the time we were together. I kept pining and yearning to be with someone thinking that I needed them to complete me.
That old maxim holds true all so that when you stop looking for love somehow everyone comes out of the woodwork and starts wanting to be with you. They keep trying to butter you up then dish out all sorts of compliments to you. I don't want any of that. I am fine being in solitude right now on my own. Well I'd be this way forever? Who knows. But as a song I once heard said "if love is lined with broken hearts then I don't want any parts" Holds true. I don't need someone to be happy because I can create happiness on my own. I don't need someone to supplement me socially or financially. I have a job where I am perfectly capable enough of earning enough money to buy a house for myself and go from there.
On the other hand though I can also understand why a lot of these relationships and cyclical behaviors happen. No one wants to feel alone and I will flat out admit that not everyone has things as nice as I do right now, nor might they have the maturity to handle life or the presence of mind. I wish I could say those situations are just remedied by using mind over matter or just snapping ones fingers and has the whole world set right, but seldom is that the case.
All I can really do right now for my friend is just be that: a good friend. Eventually his heart will heal and it will take some time, but at least it can make me feel good knowing that I am there for him. I just hope you doesn't do anything irrational in the meantime.
About an hour after I get home and start doing game development stuff, friend A telegrams me and asked me if I want to talk. I get to a stopping point with my work and then I call him up. The first thing I hear from the phone is him sobbing and speaking in a very shaky voice. I ask him what the matter is and he tells me that him and his new squeeze are very likely to break up within the next day or so. This would not be so bad if they had not just met in person and he was still where friend B is miles away from home.
Over the course of our conversation I help him calm down and I tried to comfort him as best as possible. This also strikes a chord with me as I have been the veteran of many failed relationships. Some have been my fault, some have not been my fault, some are the case where we still don't know why we broke up in the first place but we did. It did make me realize something, however. At least in my experience, getting to know somebody online and falling for them before you even meet in person is a recipe for disaster. Whether or not you have a backstory with this person, when you meet in person it's like you're starting over from date number one again whether the mind realizes it or not. You're actually seeing this person for who they are and they're not hiding behind a computer screen.
I finally calmed him down to the point where he was ready to go to bed and was not going to hurt himself, but it got me thinking. There is a certain tranquility to being single. Yes there are spots of loneliness, but you deal with them as they come at least in my situation. As most of you know last year in March I broke up with my most recent ex-boyfriend and he moved back to California. I went through a period of six months with nothing but depressive and anxious thoughts after that, barely being able to function in daily life yet somehow by a miracle holding it all together.
It was harder on the both of us because we were actually engaged to be married. There were a lot of flaws with our relationship that we did not talk about until at least a year later. We had poor communication and bottling everything up inside just made things go to hell that much faster. I have had lots of relationships in the past where the other guy just gets tired of me or couldn't handle what state of mind I was saying at the time we were together. I kept pining and yearning to be with someone thinking that I needed them to complete me.
That old maxim holds true all so that when you stop looking for love somehow everyone comes out of the woodwork and starts wanting to be with you. They keep trying to butter you up then dish out all sorts of compliments to you. I don't want any of that. I am fine being in solitude right now on my own. Well I'd be this way forever? Who knows. But as a song I once heard said "if love is lined with broken hearts then I don't want any parts" Holds true. I don't need someone to be happy because I can create happiness on my own. I don't need someone to supplement me socially or financially. I have a job where I am perfectly capable enough of earning enough money to buy a house for myself and go from there.
On the other hand though I can also understand why a lot of these relationships and cyclical behaviors happen. No one wants to feel alone and I will flat out admit that not everyone has things as nice as I do right now, nor might they have the maturity to handle life or the presence of mind. I wish I could say those situations are just remedied by using mind over matter or just snapping ones fingers and has the whole world set right, but seldom is that the case.
All I can really do right now for my friend is just be that: a good friend. Eventually his heart will heal and it will take some time, but at least it can make me feel good knowing that I am there for him. I just hope you doesn't do anything irrational in the meantime.
