I wish I could fully open up... I wish I could tell people what's going on in my head, I'm not attention seeking, I'm not trying to follow a trend, I need help... Except I can't accept help from anyone... Because I just laugh it all off an joke about it... When inside I'm dying... I trashed my room trying to find teh one thing that makes me feel somewhat alive an I still can't find it, maybe it's for teh good cause who knows what would have happened... I want to say my animals an my friends an a certain someone makes me want to keep trying... But in all honesty they don't anymore... I just feel more an more weak around them... Like I'm one big lie... Putting on this face that I'm happy an I'm strong... An I'm no where near that. I don't know whether to say goodbye to people an disappear or stay or stay but say nothing... I don't have a clue what to do anymore an as each day goes it gets worse. I refuse to take tablets they make me worse an I don't want people going "oh there's another person sponging off teh nhs costing us millions with "depression"" I can't take them even if I wanted too because my throat closes up whenever tablets go near me thanks to numerous failed attempts at killing myself lol... I'd kill to be that happy Teto I was over a year ago... That person that walked around with ears an a tail on an not cared what people thought, that person that stood proudly an walked his dogs, now I'm scared to even leave my room incase I hurt someone or say/do something wrong :'(