Well, I've been sort of lame & quiet for about a week now. I've been resting.
Had a day early last week, where I was so upset I couldn't get out of bed.
I sat & cried & shook for hours until the afternoon.
I had heart palpitations & was in an extremely anxious state.
I had trouble breathing, & my chest was tight for a few days.
Yes, I've been having times like these since the beginning of last year
No, they're not terribly regular.
Yes, I am now aware of what's causing (partially @least) my issues.
No it isn't simultaneous timing w/female hormones.
Yes, I am trying to fix it.
I still made myself go to work after because it's more stressful to find a replacement.
No I did not seek professional help, nor do I think I need to-
Unless I get worse (which I don't know but I doubt) I won't be seeking
any, aside from me trying really hard to treat myself better.
More respect, more breaks, more protecting myself & not tolerating as much bs.
I am feeling much better but I don't really want to talk about it.
Why post this journal then?
Telling people I lost my shit is hard, I am trying to make it easier
& not associate this with shame & weakness, negativity.
Talking about this in person is almost not an option as it makes me feel like I'm
going to bring it on again. It brings the uneasiness back & it's hard to get rid of.
I just want this to pass so I can get on with my life.
A little wiser, still learning & relearning other things.
Iam trying to be better.
I am sorry for the delay on all fronts, but in this case
There was nothing I could do.
I can never see it coming & then it hits me like a falling fucking piano
& the repercussions last for days & after fighting it off for so many days
before I don't have the strength to do anything but hide & recover.
I am sorry. I honestly thought this wouldn't happen again.
Now I don't know what to think
Except I'm glad it didn't last as long this time.
I am feeling better already & am continuing with art
& my schedule.
Thanks for listening ~