FA+
Shop
Im sick of it !
10 years ago
General
Again im having one of those days when I feel depressed but today im angry as ever. I simply *sigh* I don't know im angry because I feel like I have no purpose at all....I have no talents no skills nothing to make me someone that people will remember or at least want to remember...
Sounds confusing I know but I really don't know who or were to talk about this stuff because my family is not an good idea to communicate this kind of stuff plus they would not understand. So im taking easy an simply tell why im pissed of right now. Same subject is the drawing, again I'm at the bottom when it comes to this but I know that no matter the skills, no matter the ideas or the websites were to post them...I will always remain like I don't exist. People who were lucky enough to get noticed right from the beginning they manage to get high and I mean really high, but for those like me who started small and got better but still remain the same underdogs...well God have mercy..
And fuck ! I don't understand how those people manage to be what they are now, is either that they have high drawing skills or they do animations, fandoms, or they manage to create an character/species the people seams to love them...HECK I DON"T GET IT ! I got troubles over the years trying to create an species and those fucking ,,popular'' artists makes an doddle and call it an species and voila !...
Ok im going to change the subject to an other because I don't wish to make an fucking novel here.
So after I think a lot on simply giving up in drawing but then it come to my mind ,,If I don't draw anymore...what do I do now ?'' I love playing games so why not spending my free time, and play some games...oh wait I got an problem there to...I got a few games but thing is that I already played them 1000 time (600 been Undertale ) anyways I get bored and left out whit nothing else to do...now some of you may ask on why not buy other games ? (I say buy because is hard to find good games for free ) well I can buy but...I can use online money that means I can't use pay pall or any card, codes etc to transfer money also because I don't have an bank account or an credit card.
Even trough im old enough to do that but im tight up...by my parents...yep there so hate when it comes to money - online- games, and pretty much on what ever I like...For mom if is not about clothes, school or any of this stuff then she dose want to hear. Anyways most of my childhood and life was in control of my parents, ok they do care about me im there only child but dam it I sometimes im an different person around them, they don't understand me they don't like my ,,true personality'', my drawings they kip comparing me whit others that are a lot smarter...ahhhh I really hate them sometimes...and that's about 5 times a week...
An other thing that crawls on my backs is my future...im worry that after I (try to ) pass my final exam, I will not know what to do next...I want to go to collage but...what kind of ? Well I biggest dream of all is to become an movie director (or anything similar to it maybe an cartoon designer ) anyways, I know that my ideas, my imagination may bring the entertainment of watching movies to an higher level and believe me from what movies they made in 2015....got please the new ones be better (and think about this that Marvel and DC may not be here forever so is good to have some back ups ) ok ok I go away from the subject again.
Im afraid that I may end up whit an shity job, whit an unhappy life and even alone...So im very scared about this and angry at the same time...WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE !?
I simply see no purpose for me...I got no skills no talents to get me somewhere im also stuck in Romania whit no possibility to go somewhere to discover an learn more...my parents kip me tight up and even my own hobbies are not helping me !
*screams* Im sick of everything ! And the only reason I post this here is because I have no were else to because im out of existents and nobody cares ! Deviantart only want fandoms and enjoyable quality , Furrafinity want only porn and vore (im still wondering how tumblr is but that's for later ) so im posting this here whit the hope that someone may take me serious on what I said today...
And in case this journal was confusing or anything you can ask questions because to be honest I respond better trough questions...
Sounds confusing I know but I really don't know who or were to talk about this stuff because my family is not an good idea to communicate this kind of stuff plus they would not understand. So im taking easy an simply tell why im pissed of right now. Same subject is the drawing, again I'm at the bottom when it comes to this but I know that no matter the skills, no matter the ideas or the websites were to post them...I will always remain like I don't exist. People who were lucky enough to get noticed right from the beginning they manage to get high and I mean really high, but for those like me who started small and got better but still remain the same underdogs...well God have mercy..
And fuck ! I don't understand how those people manage to be what they are now, is either that they have high drawing skills or they do animations, fandoms, or they manage to create an character/species the people seams to love them...HECK I DON"T GET IT ! I got troubles over the years trying to create an species and those fucking ,,popular'' artists makes an doddle and call it an species and voila !...
Ok im going to change the subject to an other because I don't wish to make an fucking novel here.
So after I think a lot on simply giving up in drawing but then it come to my mind ,,If I don't draw anymore...what do I do now ?'' I love playing games so why not spending my free time, and play some games...oh wait I got an problem there to...I got a few games but thing is that I already played them 1000 time (600 been Undertale ) anyways I get bored and left out whit nothing else to do...now some of you may ask on why not buy other games ? (I say buy because is hard to find good games for free ) well I can buy but...I can use online money that means I can't use pay pall or any card, codes etc to transfer money also because I don't have an bank account or an credit card.
Even trough im old enough to do that but im tight up...by my parents...yep there so hate when it comes to money - online- games, and pretty much on what ever I like...For mom if is not about clothes, school or any of this stuff then she dose want to hear. Anyways most of my childhood and life was in control of my parents, ok they do care about me im there only child but dam it I sometimes im an different person around them, they don't understand me they don't like my ,,true personality'', my drawings they kip comparing me whit others that are a lot smarter...ahhhh I really hate them sometimes...and that's about 5 times a week...
An other thing that crawls on my backs is my future...im worry that after I (try to ) pass my final exam, I will not know what to do next...I want to go to collage but...what kind of ? Well I biggest dream of all is to become an movie director (or anything similar to it maybe an cartoon designer ) anyways, I know that my ideas, my imagination may bring the entertainment of watching movies to an higher level and believe me from what movies they made in 2015....got please the new ones be better (and think about this that Marvel and DC may not be here forever so is good to have some back ups ) ok ok I go away from the subject again.
Im afraid that I may end up whit an shity job, whit an unhappy life and even alone...So im very scared about this and angry at the same time...WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE !?
I simply see no purpose for me...I got no skills no talents to get me somewhere im also stuck in Romania whit no possibility to go somewhere to discover an learn more...my parents kip me tight up and even my own hobbies are not helping me !
*screams* Im sick of everything ! And the only reason I post this here is because I have no were else to because im out of existents and nobody cares ! Deviantart only want fandoms and enjoyable quality , Furrafinity want only porn and vore (im still wondering how tumblr is but that's for later ) so im posting this here whit the hope that someone may take me serious on what I said today...
And in case this journal was confusing or anything you can ask questions because to be honest I respond better trough questions...
However, you need to have confidence in yourself and what you do. Most especially in things you enjoy or wish to. That's an important step.
You got time to figure out what you want to do, but you shouldn't let such thoughts consume you.
Comparisons do indeed suck, especially when it is directly to oneself.
But, you shouldn't look at it in the negative. Use it as fuel and drive to get better, because you can and you will.
Some might have had an easier time, but there's no doubt that the more you do something the better you'll get. Trust me on this.
Exploring and learning new things, not being afraid to take up different ideas and techniques will help you evolve and there will always be people who will be willing to help you along the way or give support.
Don't let such thoughts consume you, you'll do fine. You seem like a smart, bright individual.
You'll find your place and what you'll enjoy in time.
You just gotta remember to keep that chin up and looking forward~
I felt hopeless and such
Just know that you arent going through this alone
Also make sure that you make sure you have confidence since you are your own biggest supporter