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If you care to read. (Mental Breakdowns)
9 years ago
These are taken from my facebook.
I am too broken to be fixed.
Too vain and picky to be loved.
Too contradicting to be understood.
I am too much of a burden for anyone.
I am not some hidden jewel or a diamond to shine.
Time will not fix me, I am simply just not one that anyone should carry.
I will never be loved unconditionally.
Though I've had dreams of having two children i doubt that will never happen.
I am always struggling alone... I know my ex cares somewhat about me that's why he looks at my facebook a lot. Just wish he would stop being such an ass and reply back to me.
I just want to pay this ticket off and get myself a vehicle so i can live in my car and be able to save up money. Atleast then I will have a vehicle and dont have to worry about having to take uber or asking people to drive me places. And living out of my vehicle should be fine, i'll just ask a friend if I can shower at their place. And Im good!
**
**
I bet you that my ex is loving the fact that im just doing horrible.
I bet you everyone is enjoying the fact that i'm doing horrible.
I bet you that everyone enjoys the fact that I have multiple break downs.
I bet you that every dislikes the fact that I am an attention whore.
I bet you everyone dislikes that im a contradiction.
I bet you ...
I am vain. I will use you. Don't ever trust me.
Why do I use people? Because I get used as well. I have been used for 3 1/2 years and mentally abused for 7 1/2.
I have been taken cared of and I have taken care of someone.
I need money.
I need attention.
These are the 2 things I want and need, if I don't receive both then well Im just a walking wreck.
**
**
Between the lack of no replies of concerning something of importance.
Losing games in League.
Lack of motivation.
Lack of money.
Lack of everything in this fucking shit hole.
Why am I here again? WHY AM I THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON STRUGGLING WHY THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO FUCKING DO?
Why do I even keep trying? My mom, my dad, my sister my brother my exes... ALL ARE DOING BETTER THAN ME?
And my most recent ex is doing better than me THANKS TO ME, but do I get any sort of appreciation? And thanks? And gratitude for his accomplishments and achievements? NOPE, Im just seen as some fucking bitch that DID absolutely nothing and made his life a living hell.
Wtf am I suppose to do.... I get no credit, i get no appreciation, I get no gratitude, I get nothing. from anyone from no one from nothing.
I am one person in a billion, I'm not needed, Im not wanted I am the person you don't want to be with. I am just here be used and then tossed asside.....
**
**
So I'll be changing my name, and when I change my name I cannot change it back for 60 days.
I haven't decided on a name for myself yet.
I have several Male characters.
Zeth Tristar
Axel Tristar (This is what I went by sometimes in middle school)
Tray Masaki
Kurenai Blood
Luther (no last name)
Kami
Where these are ones I've used, role played with, written or drawn the most.
**
**
I think i would be considered Gender Fluid.. Maybe? idk..
Recently ive been thinking of finding a way to flatten my chest so I can start looking and dressing like a guy.
I used to do this a lot in middle school and even had thoughts of going through a sex change.
In highschool that's when I accepted being female and the perks it has sometimes.
But a lot recently i've been thinking about being a boy again.
I know a lot of my past lives were male, so I have a very high male mentality. I believe if you started to treat me more like a guy versus a girl i think i would be more comfortable.
**
**
Been ranting a lot on here so I apologize, but only way to get things off my chest.
Rant start
"Get over yourself I don't have to reply to you!"
When it concerns something important I suggest you do, and stop thinking you're high shit and stop acting like a child.
Children, be like a responsible adult, respond back to messages that might be deem important.
Rant end
**
**
Things I need -
Get ticket paid off with assistance of Richard
Reinstate my license.
Get a Vehicle
Things I would like -
New HDD/SSD (Needing a major upgrade on this)
New Process (From i5 to i7)
Extra RAM
Possibly invest in a better Video card? Or SLI my current one.
Upgrade my DSLR from 10mp to 18mp.
Buy ONE new lens for my camera.
Buy a speed flash attachment.
The computer parts can be a Need/want
Even though all the computer stuff sounds absolutely awesome, I need a car first.
**
**
Aren't guys swell?
Have one guy that I found out has been providing me false images of himself and now he cant man up to me and be like "Yeah sorry Im just to shy to show my real self" like dude seriously man the fuck up and stop being a pussy, not mad at you for providing me false pictures, i kinda feel sorry for you and pity you, just come forward and stop being a damn pussy.
And then I have another guy who is a Man Child, who has no appreciation for the help other people do for him. Gives no thanks to anyone, will glare at you then find something wrong when you try to talk to him and figure out why he did something and then try to turn it around and blame everything at you. Never admits that he is wrong or has ever done wrong, and will always put up a false act infront of people to make him seem like some sort of angel good guy. Sure he has good intentions and such, but deep down he has no consideration for the help and sacrifices some people have done for him.
ugg.. I believe guys are A LOT MORE complicated then girls are seriously!
**
**
Ugh having to deal with this frustration is well above me. Don't know how I go through this. The lack of appreciation of 3-4 years. The lack of decision making the lack of seeing everything I've done, multiple times I have made sacrifices.. I have every right to guilt trip them, every single fucking right
I am too broken to be fixed.
Too vain and picky to be loved.
Too contradicting to be understood.
I am too much of a burden for anyone.
I am not some hidden jewel or a diamond to shine.
Time will not fix me, I am simply just not one that anyone should carry.
I will never be loved unconditionally.
Though I've had dreams of having two children i doubt that will never happen.
I am always struggling alone... I know my ex cares somewhat about me that's why he looks at my facebook a lot. Just wish he would stop being such an ass and reply back to me.
I just want to pay this ticket off and get myself a vehicle so i can live in my car and be able to save up money. Atleast then I will have a vehicle and dont have to worry about having to take uber or asking people to drive me places. And living out of my vehicle should be fine, i'll just ask a friend if I can shower at their place. And Im good!
**
**
I bet you that my ex is loving the fact that im just doing horrible.
I bet you everyone is enjoying the fact that i'm doing horrible.
I bet you that everyone enjoys the fact that I have multiple break downs.
I bet you that every dislikes the fact that I am an attention whore.
I bet you everyone dislikes that im a contradiction.
I bet you ...
I am vain. I will use you. Don't ever trust me.
Why do I use people? Because I get used as well. I have been used for 3 1/2 years and mentally abused for 7 1/2.
I have been taken cared of and I have taken care of someone.
I need money.
I need attention.
These are the 2 things I want and need, if I don't receive both then well Im just a walking wreck.
**
**
Between the lack of no replies of concerning something of importance.
Losing games in League.
Lack of motivation.
Lack of money.
Lack of everything in this fucking shit hole.
Why am I here again? WHY AM I THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON STRUGGLING WHY THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO FUCKING DO?
Why do I even keep trying? My mom, my dad, my sister my brother my exes... ALL ARE DOING BETTER THAN ME?
And my most recent ex is doing better than me THANKS TO ME, but do I get any sort of appreciation? And thanks? And gratitude for his accomplishments and achievements? NOPE, Im just seen as some fucking bitch that DID absolutely nothing and made his life a living hell.
Wtf am I suppose to do.... I get no credit, i get no appreciation, I get no gratitude, I get nothing. from anyone from no one from nothing.
I am one person in a billion, I'm not needed, Im not wanted I am the person you don't want to be with. I am just here be used and then tossed asside.....
**
**
So I'll be changing my name, and when I change my name I cannot change it back for 60 days.
I haven't decided on a name for myself yet.
I have several Male characters.
Zeth Tristar
Axel Tristar (This is what I went by sometimes in middle school)
Tray Masaki
Kurenai Blood
Luther (no last name)
Kami
Where these are ones I've used, role played with, written or drawn the most.
**
**
I think i would be considered Gender Fluid.. Maybe? idk..
Recently ive been thinking of finding a way to flatten my chest so I can start looking and dressing like a guy.
I used to do this a lot in middle school and even had thoughts of going through a sex change.
In highschool that's when I accepted being female and the perks it has sometimes.
But a lot recently i've been thinking about being a boy again.
I know a lot of my past lives were male, so I have a very high male mentality. I believe if you started to treat me more like a guy versus a girl i think i would be more comfortable.
**
**
Been ranting a lot on here so I apologize, but only way to get things off my chest.
Rant start
"Get over yourself I don't have to reply to you!"
When it concerns something important I suggest you do, and stop thinking you're high shit and stop acting like a child.
Children, be like a responsible adult, respond back to messages that might be deem important.
Rant end
**
**
Things I need -
Get ticket paid off with assistance of Richard
Reinstate my license.
Get a Vehicle
Things I would like -
New HDD/SSD (Needing a major upgrade on this)
New Process (From i5 to i7)
Extra RAM
Possibly invest in a better Video card? Or SLI my current one.
Upgrade my DSLR from 10mp to 18mp.
Buy ONE new lens for my camera.
Buy a speed flash attachment.
The computer parts can be a Need/want
Even though all the computer stuff sounds absolutely awesome, I need a car first.
**
**
Aren't guys swell?
Have one guy that I found out has been providing me false images of himself and now he cant man up to me and be like "Yeah sorry Im just to shy to show my real self" like dude seriously man the fuck up and stop being a pussy, not mad at you for providing me false pictures, i kinda feel sorry for you and pity you, just come forward and stop being a damn pussy.
And then I have another guy who is a Man Child, who has no appreciation for the help other people do for him. Gives no thanks to anyone, will glare at you then find something wrong when you try to talk to him and figure out why he did something and then try to turn it around and blame everything at you. Never admits that he is wrong or has ever done wrong, and will always put up a false act infront of people to make him seem like some sort of angel good guy. Sure he has good intentions and such, but deep down he has no consideration for the help and sacrifices some people have done for him.
ugg.. I believe guys are A LOT MORE complicated then girls are seriously!
**
**
Ugh having to deal with this frustration is well above me. Don't know how I go through this. The lack of appreciation of 3-4 years. The lack of decision making the lack of seeing everything I've done, multiple times I have made sacrifices.. I have every right to guilt trip them, every single fucking right
Boiken
~boiken
I wish you and I lived in the same state.
EluDemon
~eludemon
:( I wish I could do more.
