i could undo all the fucked up shit i've done to hurt the people i've loved in my life.

i don't want them back in my life if they don't want to be, but i wish i could tell so many people that i'm sorry; that i'm this way because i've been hurt so much in the past; that, by and large, it was never anything any of them did.

i lived a childhood of abuse, both domestic and from supposed "friends". my longest relationship pre-transition was one where i was exploited emotionally and sexually, and expected, implicitly, to be The Man in the relationship. i never wanted that. i never signed up for that.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm so fucking sorry.