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A victim of American Prudishness
9 years ago
A lot of Americans are becoming uncomfortable with their bodies. It is even worse with kids and in the modern day many kids don't even shower after gym class because they are too scared of being nude in front of each other. Despite the fact that not showering after gym is very unhygienic teachers can't force them to shower anymore because they are afraid that the one of the kids' parents will file a lawsuit against them. A lot of guys will use a towel to hide themselves when they are changing in the locker room and will even shower in trunks.
FurAffinity has many people from around the world. I am sure that someone from a culture where showering after gym class is still mandatory would read this and I wanted to give some context. Now to talk about me.
For my entire life I have been uncomfortable with my body. Later on as a teenager I was terrified of pre-martial sex and I believed that masturbation was a terrible sin that I could not stop. I can blame it all on two things. My parents and my religious background.
At one point when I was a child and I was on spring break I had the desire to be naked in my room with the door closed. My sister went to a different school with a different break and I can't remember where my brother was at the time. He was either too young to be involved with anything or attended the same school. That left me alone in the house with just me and my mother. I told her that I was going to take a nap and I went in my room and stripped nude and put my clothes in a pillowcase. I don't remember if I did this on multiple days or if it was only one but eventually my mom then entered the room and caught me.
I was in my bed at the time and I quickly pulled the covers over myself. She came up to me and pulled the covers off and became deeply confused and concerned that I was nude. I could not explain myself and she lectured me about not taking my clothes off.
This really angers me off as an adult because by her definition it is wrong to sleep in the nude. Later on as I was getting older I started to notice pleasure out of dryhumping my bed. I was discovering masturbation and later on that was how I jerk off even to this day. I have used my own spit as lubricant with the traditional self-handjob method but most of the time I dryhump my bed.
Recently I figured out that I should not be jerking off that way. Don't worry about me hurting my junk because I am looking into other options. My main goal was to grow another foreskin since that will be a natural lubricant. Until then I'll find another way. Let's get back on track
On nights I started to take my clothes off as I was laying in bed and I put my clothes in a pillowcase. I used additional layers of blankets at the same time. Unfortunately my father came in and fought me to pull the covers off. He then left silently and I put my clothes back on. He soon came back and he had me follow him to his room. He was interrogating me and I did not know what to say and he gave up and sent me back to bed.
On a later night I left my shirt on and left everything else in my pillowcase. The exact same thing happened again and it shocks me that my parents could not figure out that I was sexually discovering myself. I told them that I was rubbing myself and they believed that I was suffering from a rash or something.
I don't follow a religion anymore because I am not sure if it is believed that people who have pre-martial sex or masturbate are going to hell. I definitely thought this in the past and that along with what happened in the past has scarred me.
I recall going on a trip to a creek a couple of years ago. For many years I wanted to try skinny-dipping and I did so at that creek. I snuck away from our camping site in the early morning and I was the only one at the creek. It was very relaxing but I felt like I would be punished if one of my parents where to catch me.
As an adult I am comfortable being naked if I am all alone. In present day I sleep in the nude and I spend a lot of time in my dorm or in my bedroom surfing the web in the nude (I was even nude when I wrote the first draft of this journal). This does not stop the fact that I am still not comfortable with being nude with others.
I was and probably still am uncomfortable with doctor exams at the point where my genitals are being checked. In the past when I have share a room with other guys I hide under covers when we change clothes. I was not even comfortable changing in the room with my own brother and I kept going into the bathroom every morning back when we shared a room.
I was never an athlete and I took gym over the summer in high school. What I am saying is that I have never build up a tolerance for public showering. There was one instance before high school when I was on a camping trip where my father forced me to join him in an open room but that was only one time and it did not help. As an adult I get anxious when I have changed in a gym locker room and when I am anxious like that I get an erection.
I used to believe that I having issues with myself because I lost my foreskin. That might be the case but I am afraid that I will still be uncomfortable with myself after I have another foreskin. My parents don't even know that I have issue with my body and there is no way that I can talk with them. I am in college so I have a lot of studying to do and I am not in any immediate danger but I need to eventually find a way to get rid of this terrible irrational fear.
FurAffinity has many people from around the world. I am sure that someone from a culture where showering after gym class is still mandatory would read this and I wanted to give some context. Now to talk about me.
For my entire life I have been uncomfortable with my body. Later on as a teenager I was terrified of pre-martial sex and I believed that masturbation was a terrible sin that I could not stop. I can blame it all on two things. My parents and my religious background.
At one point when I was a child and I was on spring break I had the desire to be naked in my room with the door closed. My sister went to a different school with a different break and I can't remember where my brother was at the time. He was either too young to be involved with anything or attended the same school. That left me alone in the house with just me and my mother. I told her that I was going to take a nap and I went in my room and stripped nude and put my clothes in a pillowcase. I don't remember if I did this on multiple days or if it was only one but eventually my mom then entered the room and caught me.
I was in my bed at the time and I quickly pulled the covers over myself. She came up to me and pulled the covers off and became deeply confused and concerned that I was nude. I could not explain myself and she lectured me about not taking my clothes off.
This really angers me off as an adult because by her definition it is wrong to sleep in the nude. Later on as I was getting older I started to notice pleasure out of dryhumping my bed. I was discovering masturbation and later on that was how I jerk off even to this day. I have used my own spit as lubricant with the traditional self-handjob method but most of the time I dryhump my bed.
Recently I figured out that I should not be jerking off that way. Don't worry about me hurting my junk because I am looking into other options. My main goal was to grow another foreskin since that will be a natural lubricant. Until then I'll find another way. Let's get back on track
On nights I started to take my clothes off as I was laying in bed and I put my clothes in a pillowcase. I used additional layers of blankets at the same time. Unfortunately my father came in and fought me to pull the covers off. He then left silently and I put my clothes back on. He soon came back and he had me follow him to his room. He was interrogating me and I did not know what to say and he gave up and sent me back to bed.
On a later night I left my shirt on and left everything else in my pillowcase. The exact same thing happened again and it shocks me that my parents could not figure out that I was sexually discovering myself. I told them that I was rubbing myself and they believed that I was suffering from a rash or something.
I don't follow a religion anymore because I am not sure if it is believed that people who have pre-martial sex or masturbate are going to hell. I definitely thought this in the past and that along with what happened in the past has scarred me.
I recall going on a trip to a creek a couple of years ago. For many years I wanted to try skinny-dipping and I did so at that creek. I snuck away from our camping site in the early morning and I was the only one at the creek. It was very relaxing but I felt like I would be punished if one of my parents where to catch me.
As an adult I am comfortable being naked if I am all alone. In present day I sleep in the nude and I spend a lot of time in my dorm or in my bedroom surfing the web in the nude (I was even nude when I wrote the first draft of this journal). This does not stop the fact that I am still not comfortable with being nude with others.
I was and probably still am uncomfortable with doctor exams at the point where my genitals are being checked. In the past when I have share a room with other guys I hide under covers when we change clothes. I was not even comfortable changing in the room with my own brother and I kept going into the bathroom every morning back when we shared a room.
I was never an athlete and I took gym over the summer in high school. What I am saying is that I have never build up a tolerance for public showering. There was one instance before high school when I was on a camping trip where my father forced me to join him in an open room but that was only one time and it did not help. As an adult I get anxious when I have changed in a gym locker room and when I am anxious like that I get an erection.
I used to believe that I having issues with myself because I lost my foreskin. That might be the case but I am afraid that I will still be uncomfortable with myself after I have another foreskin. My parents don't even know that I have issue with my body and there is no way that I can talk with them. I am in college so I have a lot of studying to do and I am not in any immediate danger but I need to eventually find a way to get rid of this terrible irrational fear.
Best thing to do is to keep at it and don't give up. Cliche, yes. But sometimes it is the right thing.
If my parents still shamed intact me as a kid then he would have still have a body issue problem. Intact me probably would have found out about circumcision at a much younger age and worst case scenario he would have believed that something was wrong with him. However in the best case scenario he would be proud to have it and he would tell people who bully him (which is unlikely anyway) to go fuck themselves.
What did happen has happened and I am looking forward to the therapy session and getting more skin grown.