So I got a call from my mom this last thursday. My step-granddad is in the hospital for reasons (he's in his 90's) and my grandmother has some sort of dementia, so my mom asked if I could pitch in babysitting her. Would I? Yes. Do I want to? No. I'm not especially fond of my grandmother, but I do love my mother and I would do it to help her. But my attention span is a fickle bastard so I didn't end up calling my mom back until Monday. Well she called me back yesterday and while I won't say we argued, there were definitely harsh words. I would never hang up on my mom, but the moment someone starts to give me shit over the phone, I just shut down. You have something to say to me, you say it to my face. It's one thing if you literally have information I need to be given and aren't someone who can just come to my house or call me over to yours, but if you have some grievances to air then you can wait till we're in each other's presences. So me and my mom hung up without resolving shit. And I just ground my teeth as I drove around for the next hour, seething, because I am just getting SO goddamn sick of this bullshit

I am not a proud person. But I sure as shit believe that I'm a damn good person. I don't do drugs, I don't even drink socially, I've never committed a serious crime IN MY LIFE. I have a loving wife, a home, a car, I can hold down a job and pay my bills. I didn't get a college education, but that was by choice. I'm not especially successful, but I'm really fucking happy. Happier than she is, that's for damn sure. If she wants to be 'disappointed' and think that I 'dont have the right priorities' well she can just go fuck herself. She's one of the most negative, cynical, judgemental people I have EVER known.

Let's just forget about me having an almost-crippling case of ADD that I struggle with daily, that makes having hobbies so difficult that sometimes I just cry with frustration. That everytime my phone rings my social anxiety issues make me feel like a fire alarm is going off. That I sometimes have to psych myself up just to be around people I absolutely adore. I'm not a "family" person, and I never will be. I have zero desire to be like that. Maybe if I hadn't been raised to consider it some kind of perverse obligation to spend time with and interact with people that at best I have NOTHING in common with and at worst I more or less despise just because we share blood, I wouldn't be like this. But I really, truly, do not give a shit about my family, and moments like these just make it all the harder to pretend.

Just venting. Go about your day.