Have to be up in 5 hours for work. This consistently earlier in the morning every morning shit work does is seriously wearing me down, much less the consistent 12 hour work days. When it began, I was told this was temporary. Half a year later we had 2 more join the position, nothing changed. They left nothing changed. Now I have four others in the same role as I am and I'm still doing the same damn thing.

This is frustrating because while I can ask for a day off every once in a while, I can't do anything consistent to work to better myself. Classes, as if that can possibly happen. Hell, gave up on seeing a therapist on depression because my schedule was such a random button I couldn't get an appointment. And the whole part of they get upset if you don't ask for time off in advance, but I don't usually know my schedule until the week before.

Seriously, how the hell do I find these jobs? How do I constantly keep getting more, significantly more, hours than my peers or anyone else I work with even when I don't particularly want them? Is the only way to escape them to finally give up the ability I've had to get up every day and drag myself in even when I don't have the energy to go to the store to get food for myself? Accept that I've fucked something dramatic up and put myself in a bad place? I don't know anymore...