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something alittle heavy on my mind
9 years ago
Aeiou
and it isint just lately neither...this has been a thing that's been hurting me for years
many years
maybe decades at this point
im the friend you never think about.
whenever friends have gone out places to eat, I'd only find out as they were getting into their car and there wasnt anymore room.
friends going out to bowling or minigolf or themeparks. i'd only see them as they drove off.
and this isint just my few dear IRL friends either. oh its online too..
big group commisions with "all my friends" im not there
big blogs saying how much all my friends mean to me...my icon is no where
no one ever approuches me for doing joint commisions...its always with everyone else on my friends list, and i never get any replys when i ask about it...
lately a friend drew something that we talked about alot, that i was super into, and am still super into~ and poured some love into creating something cute we could both enjoy... a somewhate barely related peice done by someone else gets credited and not a thought is spared to me...
a friend that has promised lots of happy dressup time...oh this other friend of ours gets it...but i just get a massive slap in the face.
this is something i've delt with for years and sometimes i wonder how much worth i actually have as a human being (protip for rad gamers : it isint alot)
i know im going to get three people saying "oh dont let that get you down" and "get better soon"
yeah that is going to hurt too.
many years
maybe decades at this point
im the friend you never think about.
whenever friends have gone out places to eat, I'd only find out as they were getting into their car and there wasnt anymore room.
friends going out to bowling or minigolf or themeparks. i'd only see them as they drove off.
and this isint just my few dear IRL friends either. oh its online too..
big group commisions with "all my friends" im not there
big blogs saying how much all my friends mean to me...my icon is no where
no one ever approuches me for doing joint commisions...its always with everyone else on my friends list, and i never get any replys when i ask about it...
lately a friend drew something that we talked about alot, that i was super into, and am still super into~ and poured some love into creating something cute we could both enjoy... a somewhate barely related peice done by someone else gets credited and not a thought is spared to me...
a friend that has promised lots of happy dressup time...oh this other friend of ours gets it...but i just get a massive slap in the face.
this is something i've delt with for years and sometimes i wonder how much worth i actually have as a human being (protip for rad gamers : it isint alot)
i know im going to get three people saying "oh dont let that get you down" and "get better soon"
yeah that is going to hurt too.
i litteraly have one person on steam. who only bugs me when a game is on sale and she wants me to buy it for her
i hope we can see each other on messenger more often though.
i get the loneliness pretty bad because i just work like....literally all day~ 14 hours, start at dawn finish at dusk
and then journals like this happen...but...our cute cake thing is so wonderful and i thank you so very much for baking me into such a silly red velvet vixen ♥
I really can't wait to see Red Velvet in the delicious cakey flesh
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7359461/
but still...thank you so much *crux hugs*
If it's any consolation, even though we don't know each other IRL (though I would totally love to!), you're one of the few people on here that I actually get excited to see a comment from.
And I've actually drawn you a few pieces of gift art that are sitting in my WIP folder on my desktop. I'll finish them soon. :3
it always makes me happy when i hear my comments brighten others' days
kinda why i want to be more active costumeing , performing, makeing videos, animations, videogames
i do it all to see someone smile