Why does it feel like I let so many people down? I have only a certain amount of friends and I can only do so much but it feels like deep down inside I hate a little piece of myself and I can't seem to fix that at all.

I always day dream the worst of things to happen to so many people in my life and that can't just leave. I have not been able to control my feelings all quite too well. I have seemed like a disgrace and for my somewhat tantrums and sadness, my friends have tried to make me feel better by putting me more into the center of attention but that just makes me feel bad that I constantly complain about little stuff and you gotta embarrass me like that. It already hurts if I screw something up that you gotta point or announce me more. All that's really gonna do is just make me feel like you're only doing this out of respect and just being kind instead of actually showing some care and keeping this to a minimum.

Why can't I be normal? Why does it feel like I always drag my friends down to the peak where they either try to avoid me or try to just pretend to feel better when I try to recover? I don't know what to really say about all this anymore, I freaked out at more people than many think.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hqW4odgkyo