ive been upset for a long time...most of my friends on msn and aim know that...ive tried to get it across to them so they weren't left out...and so that i would possibly have someone to draw a little support from when i need it...which now feels like its all the time...call me selfish...you wont be the first...

Anyway...on Wendesday it was really bad...was in a ton of pain...and my dad and i got into a fight about my chores...which ended in him removing the internet from the house for several hours...

Without my friends to talk with...i kinda lost it...grabbed one of the fishing knifes i had been given as a present several years ago...and sliced at my arm....ive got about 23 nicks on the bottom of my arm...there healing fast but they do still hurt

For those of you that read this and are thinking to tell me never to do it again...trust me...i dont plan to. Ive talked with my parents who threatened to take me to an insane aslyum if i did it again...and now i have to talk with my uncle whos a doctor...not psychologist but a doctor...to see if i should see one.

Oh...and ill keep trying to write stories...even though they all suck ._. its the only thing i have left unbeaten to death.

long journal is long.