Not gonna lie, this is me taking my anger out on my short-comings because of a resent event that ignited a whole strain of rage inducing thoughts. But I'm going to do it anyway because even when I'm not upset at myself this still ticks me off. And that my fuzzy friends, are people who whine about their cowardice and fear when I'm just as scared as they are, knowing that they will do better than I will.

So let me set up situation here...I'm siting next to this girl who panics about everything (she's been in another one of my classes before). She panics about presentations, exams, pop quizzes, and yet she manages to ace every single one of them. And then there's me, not expressing my fear or my lack of confidence in myself even though I've always had a history of not doing well on tests (thankfully presentations are quite the opposite for me). I have anxiety that would probably kill a man from the amount of stress I feel when midterms or finals come around, yet I have accepted this fact that I probably won't do as well as others and I will take it on the chin no matter what kind of grade I get. This girl who constantly complains to me and acts like she's about to fail the class has no idea that I'm just as scared as she is. She has no idea how much I've struggled through my whole life when it comes down to tests and yet this over-achieving bookworm dares to whine at me for some reason...and it just makes want to kick her teeth in.

I wish she would keep that crap to herself. I don't need to be reminded about myself every time I'm about to dig into my memory for the answers to something I'll most likely forget. I wish I had the confidence in myself to not worry but even when I over-prepare I still feel terrified that it's not enough, that I'm going to fail anyway. She has no right to feel insecure and then pass it along to people who are just as scared as she is.

EDIT: I know this journal may be petty to you but I didn't write it to appeal to anyone or your ethics. This is simply a release for myself.