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[VENT] A furnace without a fire
9 years ago
http://sapphirecrook.tumblr.com/pos.....without-a-fire
I guess 'brush, not an artist' is a more apt description.
Might do a collage or something again soon.
"
((I really don’t like me all that much.
According to other people, I’m good at programming, writing, I have a knack at drawing and I’m quite good at impersonating people.
But for all the skills I accumulate, I have nothing I WANT to do with any of it. Rare is the fey mood I have an idea I want to realize that isn’t handed down to me by another creative mind. Unlikely is the chance I’ll ever do something without being told expressly to do so.
For all the ability and talent people project onto me, I should be able to pull of a rocking RP blog, but none of it matters without a creative drive. A desire to see something that is, by an acceptable degree, my own original idea.
This comes up in my IT course to. This semester we were ‘allowed to integrate our own projects into the cirriculum’.
It was the most humiliating moment of my life, because I had no ideas of my own and the idea I could fabricate in the five minutes I had was trash. I still got the credit, but it was a trash idea. You could see the teacher shaking their head.
It’s not that I have no discpiline. I’ve been building that for a while now, to the point I actually study more than most people around here do. But creatively, I fall short. If a decision can be reduced to rational weighing I can usually figure it out.
I colour in the boxes, only when told to, and when asked to go outside teh box I wonder where, how, when, why.
It doesn’t help that a bunch of artists I look up to draw up these crazy worlds and ideas. Not always 100% original, but they gave it a solid try and it FEELS original. It feels fresh. Inspiring, new.
The lack of RPs and requests to draw ideas from just makes it worse. I feel like quitting. Just dropping it all and giving up. Yet I don’t want to. I see the progress I’ve made and I feel the chance that I can do something I’ve long since paid people to do.
I dunno. Maybe my problem is just a need to ditch the UT fandom, but I don’t want to. I like it here.
I just feel lost.
I feel like I want something but I don’t know how I want it. I want a creative pursuit but I have nothing to pursue.
I can’t sustain on my rare ideas. Followers drop off too quickly between my moods. RPs happen to rarely to keep a stream of doodles going. Asks are too sparse to plug the gaps.
I just need some sleep right now.))
"
I guess 'brush, not an artist' is a more apt description.
Might do a collage or something again soon.
"
((I really don’t like me all that much.
According to other people, I’m good at programming, writing, I have a knack at drawing and I’m quite good at impersonating people.
But for all the skills I accumulate, I have nothing I WANT to do with any of it. Rare is the fey mood I have an idea I want to realize that isn’t handed down to me by another creative mind. Unlikely is the chance I’ll ever do something without being told expressly to do so.
For all the ability and talent people project onto me, I should be able to pull of a rocking RP blog, but none of it matters without a creative drive. A desire to see something that is, by an acceptable degree, my own original idea.
This comes up in my IT course to. This semester we were ‘allowed to integrate our own projects into the cirriculum’.
It was the most humiliating moment of my life, because I had no ideas of my own and the idea I could fabricate in the five minutes I had was trash. I still got the credit, but it was a trash idea. You could see the teacher shaking their head.
It’s not that I have no discpiline. I’ve been building that for a while now, to the point I actually study more than most people around here do. But creatively, I fall short. If a decision can be reduced to rational weighing I can usually figure it out.
I colour in the boxes, only when told to, and when asked to go outside teh box I wonder where, how, when, why.
It doesn’t help that a bunch of artists I look up to draw up these crazy worlds and ideas. Not always 100% original, but they gave it a solid try and it FEELS original. It feels fresh. Inspiring, new.
The lack of RPs and requests to draw ideas from just makes it worse. I feel like quitting. Just dropping it all and giving up. Yet I don’t want to. I see the progress I’ve made and I feel the chance that I can do something I’ve long since paid people to do.
I dunno. Maybe my problem is just a need to ditch the UT fandom, but I don’t want to. I like it here.
I just feel lost.
I feel like I want something but I don’t know how I want it. I want a creative pursuit but I have nothing to pursue.
I can’t sustain on my rare ideas. Followers drop off too quickly between my moods. RPs happen to rarely to keep a stream of doodles going. Asks are too sparse to plug the gaps.
I just need some sleep right now.))
"
