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Frustration
9 years ago
I don't know why I feel the need to post this journal. I talk far too often of The Darkness that eats away at me. Far, far too often. Yet, I feel the need to write this, despite the fact that I can calculate that I will receive zero feedback on this entry.
When one feels a force coming within oneself so strongly that they have difficulty distinguishing themselves from their pure emotions and their conscious thoughts that they must transcribe whatever storm of words presiding within them at the moment as opposed to simply remaining silent, what choice do they have?
In short, I am beyond furious. The anger, hatred, and absolute DISTASTE that I feel is so powerful that I considered multiple times the merit of extinguishing another human life over simply taking lumps and moving on. I could have either beaten the literal life out of a human being with my bare hands, or walked away and slept, and wake the next day to repeat the process over again.
The question is; if I allow the process to continue, even with the substraction of my life ending anger, is it worth continuing the equation?
Is it not more expediant to end the cycle, albeit with my "life" in the hands of another authority? Or is it more productive to simply hold my anger hostage until it subsides, and allow a completely different machine to decide whether or not it is more cost effective for one cog in their grand machine to overtake another, whether it be through legitimate means or illegitimate.
Because I can assure you, the place I am employed at does not regard human life in romanticized terms. Human life translates into a singular thing, and that is the American dollar.
The quality of life is not a phrase they are familiar with. It sounds cliche, but all they care about is money. The bottom line is simply money. Not whether or not the cog in the machine is having fun, or living a good life.
So, is my restraint admirable, or simply submission?
When one feels a force coming within oneself so strongly that they have difficulty distinguishing themselves from their pure emotions and their conscious thoughts that they must transcribe whatever storm of words presiding within them at the moment as opposed to simply remaining silent, what choice do they have?
In short, I am beyond furious. The anger, hatred, and absolute DISTASTE that I feel is so powerful that I considered multiple times the merit of extinguishing another human life over simply taking lumps and moving on. I could have either beaten the literal life out of a human being with my bare hands, or walked away and slept, and wake the next day to repeat the process over again.
The question is; if I allow the process to continue, even with the substraction of my life ending anger, is it worth continuing the equation?
Is it not more expediant to end the cycle, albeit with my "life" in the hands of another authority? Or is it more productive to simply hold my anger hostage until it subsides, and allow a completely different machine to decide whether or not it is more cost effective for one cog in their grand machine to overtake another, whether it be through legitimate means or illegitimate.
Because I can assure you, the place I am employed at does not regard human life in romanticized terms. Human life translates into a singular thing, and that is the American dollar.
The quality of life is not a phrase they are familiar with. It sounds cliche, but all they care about is money. The bottom line is simply money. Not whether or not the cog in the machine is having fun, or living a good life.
So, is my restraint admirable, or simply submission?
Fox_Forrester
~foxforrester
It varies. A person who remains restrained in the face of opposition may be seen as strong. It depends on whether one does so to bide their time, or if they do so out of fear or submission.
