we were rivals.
we plyed tug of war over the precipice with our fear, self loating and doubt
betting on the others resolve
or lack thereof
a well orchestrated pissing contest to see who could fall apart first
whod sink fastest
and hit bottom
and shower and smash and shatter, liquify and coalesce and ooze and sink deep in the dirt by osmosis
shoots, tendrils and root
self destruction in its purest form
"i am death incarnate."
dejection anthropomorphized
self-inflicted ultraviolence: all ours for the taking.
"i suggest a truce....."
3 bullets in a six shooter
middle finger, sit, spin and strap in
click your heels together three times
say bloody mary, betelgeuce and recite macbeth lines
dont wish me luck
dont give a fuck
wish for the abstraction of "home" and let the chips fall wheye they may.


we played hopscotch on the brink
we walked abreast on the corpse road
freedom is emphatically not caring
anymore
im more apathetic than you
cats and dogs
parlay
we breached the peace and goad [sic[k]) for broke and breathed in the night itself and slept the day away and slowly exhaled............
gas
flatulence
diarrhea
carbon monoxide
methyl isocyanate
....and oh, brother, the hate.
....passed around the room in a nitrous ballooonn
in a mobius strip like everythings rosy while inside were stifling and screaming
we used our vocal cords to dump toxic waste bi-products
curdled milk, dark matter, ink blotter, poison pen, hypodermic bio-toxic sludge, the spots on the sun:
theyre kinda pretty if you look at 'em long enough.........
it was over before it started, and it ended

all tooo soooon.

is this fate? or a bad cosmic joke??
this was just getting good
is the bearded lady upstairs getting a kick, a dick, a blast, some hash, a bad acid flashback?
maybe having a ball, a gas , a bowl, a power-nap, a riot, not enough fiberr in her diet?/
the crematorium is pumping, throbbing, surging, spewing ash: almost alive
like Dog ashed and missed the tray, pouring tears of acid rain
but the smell was pleasing
vx nerve, agent orange, prozac, colonel mustard, phosphene, ritalin, zyclon b
swirling the snowglobe like a little dead girls goldfish circling the commode
im getting deafer and deafer by her hysterionic war cries
her resonant dissonant sardonic last laugh that echos through time, a deafening roar
empty space, white noise, grey matter, stygian black hole: its the kiss of indifference thats harder to bear than scorn
i fill the void with shiny objects, pretty colors, catboys, drugs, booze and porn
and crystalize the pink part of my lungs with can after icy can of dust-off (if i breathe and freeze enough, i might reach absolute zero.)
im in an icebreakers commercial!!!1
everything and nothing and the pattern that holds it all together, i see it, i found it
i lost it. goddamnit, oh shit, fuck it, forget it....
i can catch the re-run on the next can

facemelter, chippie, bender
watchmaker analogy
clockwork universe
golems and demiurgus
stormtroopers whistleblowers and game theorists
the mirror is smeared with glass
......its a bit cloudy in here.
write the wrongs, sing "no-redemption" songs, smear the will with red lipstick and coke
rivulets sanguine, the color of seconal capsules
fingerpainting
"how do i love thee? let me count the ways......"
the shit pouring out of me day after day after day after day


.........that red, red kroovy on tap
ill see you at the korova tomorrow.
or ill see you in hell or in your nightmares, or in your shell shock catatonia, but either way:


ill be seeing you again


real soon.