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I learned some interesting things
9 years ago
This past weekend my dad came down to see me and it was so fucking wonderful; I haven't seen him in abut 4 years and I am happier than I can put to words that I got to hang out with him, my stepmom, and my love together all weekend.
Yesterday we had lunch and started talking about my mother and what she has done over the years and...I'm beyond words. I never knew she was THAT vile. She and my grandparents tried to use me as a pawn, and for a short time they succeeded during my impressionable middle school years. When she and my father were married she would harass him over anything that didn't happen exactly how she wanted it. I grew up learning that they divorced because he lied to her about bills and shit and I had grown up resenting him for that because my mother brainwashed me telling me that I should never trust him about anything. Turns out that yes he lied but he did so to get some peace, which I totally understand. Not to mention the bills he lied about could have been paid by here when he was international and paying online wasn't a thing yet. While I knew for a while now that my mother tried to manipulate me to hate my father, I never realized to just how much of an extent. When I would go to his house for visits, she would call me all the time and tell me stuff that was waiting for me when I got home (gifts, food, trips, etc.) and that would make me sulk until I left (mostly while I was young). She would intentionally send me up there with homework when I could have gotten it done when I got home. She would even try to micromanage my visits up there by telling my dad what he and I should do when I visited and make them entirely museum oriented (don't get me wrong I love museums but that's not the point). She interrogated me when we would drive home and yell at me when I couldn't remember something. One time she yelled at me for giving my dad a big hug in front of her. She discouraged any open affection towards him and would yell at me when I would talk positively about him half the time. She and my grandparents tried to fight him in court all the time and would make complete asses of themselves to the judge (hard to explain what exactly they would do in words), every time they made the judge take my dads side more. She withheld me from my dad and broke visitation law all the time, my dad had the chance to send her to jail numerous times and only didn't because he didn't want to fuck me over with sending a parent to jail (honestly if he had I would have hated him at the time so even more reason for him not to have done that). Any time my dad would do something that mildly upset me or her she would demonize him like nobody's business. He sold a car he promised me to my stepbrother and my mother twisted that into him not loving me , when in actuality he didn't want to give me the car anymore because it was falling apart and was dangerous. After that was when mother told me that I didn't have to see him anymore because of my age and I was so brainwashed and upset that I did just that. I started to forgive him as time passed and developed a neutral feeling of him. When I started at the university I wanted some psychological help because I was horribly depressed and anxious so my mother called him if I was still covered on my stepmoms insurance. While she asked that and she was told "yes, all psych vists are free everywhere- get her help" she also asked if, at 18, he would still pay child support too help with my college. Now, over the years she had told him that she was putting money aside from child support for school. He told her no because, ironically enough, she had lied to him but that if I moved up there that he would happily cover all my schooling costs. When she told me the story, she told me that my dad said "you're 18, you're on your own" and that I couldn't get help because of him. Didn't even mention anything else. She made me hate and resent him until last fall over a complete and utter lie just so I would hate him.
My maternal famil spent my whole childhood using me as a pawn so I would hate my dad and love them because "family is everything, nobody but your family will always be there but your family!" Of course that meant except your dad. They played off themselves as cinnamon rolls that did nothing wrong. They USED me and MANIPULATED me my entire life just to spite my father. I was part of a petty be vengetta towards him all because my father refused to take my mothers bullshit when they were married.
There are no words for how much I hate them. If there was any possibility of me forgiving them, it's gone. I have never want people to die painfully more than now. I've never wanted to harass Nd torture people more than now. If I ever see them again, I'm not going to puke in fear anymore. If they approach me I I'll tell them to stay away. If they don't I will defend myself physically and show no remorse. I don't care if it's my uncle my mother or even my grandmother. They'll be on he floor. And I will be smart about it, I will record me telling them to go away and what follows so they can't play victim. I hate them. I want nothing but the worst for them for the remainder of their vile little lives. I want them to get cancer. I want them to get mugged. I want them to suffer for what they did to my father, for how they used me.
Sorry for the vent, I don't have anywhere else I can put my feelings because this is a bit much for Facebook and Twitter
and here i was thinking some of the most horrible stuff could be bulling
in school and family members betraying your trust
i would never guessed all the things they/she has done when I was around