Hey everyone! It’s now been 2 years ever since I got banned from dA…I often seem to look at pics on my iPod touch from me dA era and get myself filled with nostalgia…wishing those days back…wishing and wondering when I’ll be unbanned from deviantART, or if I’ll ever get unbanned. I’ve made a promise never to violate the rules of the site EVER again and still…no. I have made a couple of personal songs/poems about being banned form dA. I have never really bothered to post or share them with anyone, including my family. I kinda keep them so I can just…I guess to sulk in my own suffering. Deep inside, I want to be back on dA, and enjoy the easy interface. I feel as if I may get unbanned, yet at the same time I feel as if I’ll never be unbanned…I really I don’t know if I could EVER handle that truth…back in those days, I would go through a hard day at school, with something to look forward to. That “something” was the ability to get on dA and chat and roleplay, as well as add submissions to my favorites, as well as submit my own stuff and receive feedback…comments…growing closer with my friends that I made on there…roleplaying with them…I would just sit there and reload the message center until I got a reply. If nothing, I would sometimes take that time to reply to a visitor message over on Serebii forums. Sometimes, a roleplay on dA would inspire an idea for a story…and someone on there I roleplayed with did just that. I told him this and he was interested. Now he says that he doesn’t even remember me…which is one of the things that not only makes me hurt a lot on the inside, but put a thought into my head. “What if no one remembers me? What if they don’t even care about me? What if they have changed too much? What if they aren’t even active anymore?” That’s what its made me think about a lot. Even then, I’d still post the stories that dA ISTSELF inspires me to write. Back when I was browsing vore stories and pasting them into my notes app on my iPod, it gave me some ideas for stories myself in my “half sleep” mode, which is before I fall asleep and think about things and how it goes along. I do this every night until I fall asleep, and when I DO fall asleep, I don’t even realize it! The fact that dA’s interface and looks of the site and stories posted on there makes me wanna submit some of my old stories that have been in my head ever since those days. Posting these stories on other sites just won’t feel the same at all to me…it HAS to be through dA AT LEAST. This is one of the reasons why I haven’t submitted ALL of my stories that has been on dA, mainly the stories that have sequels or more multiple parts, including “Yeno Meets Yena”, and “The Slave”, both of which I never submitted or even finished what needs to finished still on them. That is still true to this day, but one reason for this could be the fact that I would just rather focus on ONE particular story until I finish it, although it wasn’t always like that...I think. I seem to want to focus on 1 thing until it’s done, and since my latest work has consisted of nothing but just working on “In the Claws of Trust” for the past year and a half, I haven’t focused on much else. How exactly can I do that and STILL remember how my other ideas for all or most of my other stories go? I actually have no idea how I manage to do so, but I just…do. No matter HOW much I wanna type down a new idea for a story I get through some method, I bottle it in my mind until I get this story done, although I AM sorta lazy and fall asleep quite often, or something.
Anyways, no matter what, dA just seems to bring back those memories…the golden era of my online life, even when I was first suspended. The ONLY restriction I had was my lack of a PC of any sort, since the school Mac couldn’t do much, and I had no VPNs or chrome extensions to bypass the firewall. But now, since I have my very own laptop, and hopefully Microsoft Word soon, I’d be able to enjoy dA to its fullest…except for the money issues I have, and no premium either. If I am to ever get unbanned, I’d the buy me the 7 year premium membership. I know it as “Till hell freezes over. (7 years)”. I have 11 dA points to this very day, meaning they never got used. I was hoping to use them at some point but…I never got to. Just talking and thinking about dA points and the vast amounts of fanart and gifts and memories that could be made and adored by users makes me feel…so nostalgic! It just makes me regret what I did…but now with desktop access, I could use the notes system to do the adult stuff. To be able to experience the beautiful art people post, and comment on it and make artists smile…to be a part of that beautiful community again…would just be…I don’t know how to put it into words, but I DO know that it would make me feel like my life is good again, cuz even with the few good things that’s happened to me in the past 2 years, it doesn’t come anywhere close to all the pain and suffering I’ve had to deal with…and you’ve seen the journals that I’ve posted, here on FA…many of the are about life and suffering. Back on dA, journals were mostly used for seeking RPs. And when I was down, roleplaying would cheer me up. But now, the problems I seem to have leave a mark on me, since they don’t go away. And when I search Google images for just about anything, the majority of the images are from deviantART, which just adds to my suffering cuz I cannot comment or even fav a submission.
I know I've been rambling on about my own suffering today, but those who have read everything up to this point, I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to do so. It means a lot to me. But I don’t wanna hear ANYTHING about making another account, cuz that is against the rules and wouldn’t be the same as having my old account. Hugs are NOT gonna solve this problem. If anyone out there is willing to help me out with my whole dA dilemma, I would be forever in your debt, although I have nothing to offer whatsoever. If there is more than one person wanting to help out…well…then I guess I would say this…

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Now, a quick update on life right now: I'm going to have to work my lil psychic tail off if I want to even GET an iPhone. Grades:
As and Bs = NEW iPhone SE
Bs and Cs = USED iPhone 5S
Cs and Ds = Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zippo. No phone whatsoever.
As for Microsoft Word on the personal laptop, I have absolutely NO idea.

Again, if you have read everything up to this point, I really appreciate it VERY much. There’s more I wanna say, but I think I've done enough now…unless I could clear something up with the dA staff…but I haven’t really the courage to do so… *curls up and sucks on a thumb and/or tail, holding a plushie in my arms as I cry myself to sleep*