Can I use racial ones?

as long as the moderators wont get on your case for em, I dont mind personally. just cuz everyone has fun with em

After World war two hilter kills himself and goes to hell. When he gets there hitler sees satan pulling on a handle. WHen Satan pulls the handle a giant trap door opens and 50,000 jews fall onto a giant frying pan and sizzle. Hitler thinking this was amazing walks up to Satan and says"Wow thats cool Do it again." So the Devil pulls the handle and another 50,000 jews fall onto the giant frying pan and sizzle. Hitler completly in glee asks the devil if he can have a go at it. Satan quickly nods and hands hitly the handle. When he pulls it 50,000 mexicans fall onto the frynig pan and sizzle. Hitler responds"HEY Where are the jews?" To which satan Replies"For every 100,000 jews you have to grease the pan."

Three men walk into a bar. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole thing unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

... ):

being a technical minded guy. that actually made me laugh pretty damn hard lol

Oh god yes. <3
Do... do I get a prize? o.o

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

How do you make an 80 year old woman yell FUCK!......

Put another 80 year old woman next to her yelling BINGO!



So a baby seal walked into a club......heh heh heh.....

There's four guys out to dinner. One of them excuses himself to go to the bathroom.

The other three gentlemen start talking about their sons.

The first gentleman says,"I'm so proud of my son and his successes. As a matter of fact, he bought himself a Ferrari the other day."

The second gentleman says,"Me too. My son has done so great for himself, he just bought himself a mansion."

"That's great,"says the third gentleman,"My sons business has been so good, he was able to buy himself his own personal jet."


The three gentlemen are congratulating each other on their sons successes as the fourth man returns from the restroom.

"What were you guys talking about?"asks the fourth gentlemen.

"About how successful our sons are,"says one man,"How about your son?"

"Well,"says the fourth gentleman,"My son is a go-go dancer."

"Oh my,"says one of the other gentlemen,"That's a damn shame."

"I'm sorry to hear that,"says another one of the men.

"I'm not sorry,"says the man,"My son is worth millions, and his three boyfriends have bought him several cars, a mansion, and his own personal jet."

ROFL!

a new york circuit court judge arrives at his courthouse about an hour late, his briefcase is mangled with strips of leather dangling loose and his sports blazer splattered with mud. so far his day is not going the way it should. he stumbles up the stairs forward and whats left of his briefcase opens and papers go everywhere.

fed up with his morning, he storms into the courthouse and into his chambers. the bailiff greets him and tells him that the only copy of the docket for the day was destroyed on the computers from a power surge.

after he pulls on his robe, he storms into the empty courtroom and drops himself in the big comfy chair behind his bench. "well.. bring in the first one," he grumbles. a man walks through the double doors at the back of the courtroom and approaches the bench followed by a second bailiff. "you'll have to pardon me. my morning has been a bit of a wreck. what's your case about?"

the man looks up at the judge and clears his throat, "i.. was ticketed for blowing bubbles in the park."

the judge was dumbfounded and scratched his temple as he looked over at the shrugging bailiff. the judge laid his pencil down on his notepad and leaned forward, "blowing bubbles in the park? ... there is no ordinance against such activity. bailiff, escort him to the secretarys office to expunge this from his record," and the judge handed the bailiff a slip of paper with a bunch of scribbling on it, "i am truly sorry for this waist of your time, sir." the man and the second bailiff exited the courtroom. "alright, who's next?"

the bailiff stepped down the gallery and called in the next case. a man wearing thick black glasses, a red-tipped white cane, and a german shepard guide dog walk through the swung open doors. the judge looked puzzled as the man and dog guided themselves to the front of the courtroom and stopped in front of the judge. "whats your name, sir?"

"Darel, your honor."

"Darel, you'll have to excuse my candor but this morning has been a bit of a wreck. i don't have my docket. could you tell me what brings you to my court room this morning?"

the man folded his classes and hung them on the pocket of his shirt, "well, actually my dog is why i'm here."

bewildered again the judge looked back at the bailiff and down to the dog happily panting away at his blindmans side. "your dog? whats his name?"

"Bubbles."

http://instantrimshot.com

XD!

I have to throw in an obama joke:

Dont misjudge the listeners:

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's rear."

Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his bar stool, then stomps out. He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer.

Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's rear too!"

Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the Face, knocking him off his bar stool again.

He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama Country?"
"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."

How about blonde jokes?

---

A blonde woman goes to the doctor and the doc comes back after doing some tests... He says, "Ma'am, you're pregnant."

The blonde looks shocked and asks, "Oh my God...is it mine?!"

---

A blonde owns two horses on some property in the country and has such a hard time telling them apart she consults her neighbor. "What can I do to help me tell them apart?" she asks.

Her knowedgeable neighbor responds, "Well, you could crop one's tail. That seems to work."

So the blonde does so, but shortly after that a small brushfire breaks out and burns the others horse's tail. Once again she cannot tell the two apart.

She consults her neighbor again. Her neighbor tells her, "Try clipping a notch out of one's ear. That's another good way."

She does so and for about a month it works very well, but while out riding there came an accident that caught the other horse's ear in a throny shrub and once again the horses seem too identical to tell apart.

So her neighbor finally tells her, "How about measuring them? Often times one horse is taller than the other."

And after these final words of wisdom, the blonde went out, measured her horses, and was pleased to find that the black horse was one inch taller than the white horse.

---

Why do blondes have bruises around their bellybuttons?

Because blonde guys aren't too smart either.

---

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

---

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair dyed so she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Okay, here's an old one from the Netherlands :

Three businessmen are sitting on a chartered flight - an American, a Frenchman and a Dutchman. They all have to visit the same three cities, and when the plane lands in their respective countries each feels like boasting.

"Ah, yes - America, I can already see the magnificent skyscrapers," says the American.
"Ah, bonne Paris, with the lovely Eiffel-tower, Notre Dame and le Louvre," says the Frenchman.

However, when the pilot announces the touchdown in Amsterdam, it's night and the weather is typically Holland; poor. The American and French businessmen snicker a bit since the Dutchman doesn't have a view to boast about, when he simply opens the window and sticks out his arm. "Yeah, this is definitely Amsterdam," he says in a voice of fond reminiscence.

The American and Frenchman both stare at him dumbfounded and want to know what made him say that by sticking his hand out the window.

"Simple, really; someone stole my watch."

ROFL that's one of the better ones I've heard in my lifetime

Yay! Glad to hear :) It was the only Dutch joke I could think of that wasn't ripping on either minorities or clergy in a major way (us Dutch do love ripping on others as much as we love ripping on ourselves :P), so glad you liked it :D

how meny foxes does it take to yiff in a lightbulb......................only two but god knows how they got in there

So Jesus, Moses, and the Dalai lama walk into a bar. And the bartender asks, "What is this, a joke?"

What do you call a gay masochist? A sucker for punishment.

What do you call a gay Irish couple? Henry Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzhenry.

How many characters from Dragonball Z does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes 50 episodes to do it.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third ducks.

Why did the thunderdrake cross the road?

Because he was horny.

Furries.

Thank you, and good night!

A young boy asks his father the difference between "potentially" and "realistically". Dad thinks for a minute and says to his son, "Ask your mother, sister, and brother if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars."

The boy asks his sister. "OMFG! Yes! I would totally sleep with him for a million dollars! He's so HAWT!"

The boy asks his mom. "Well, we could always use the money for your kids' college and he is handsome. Yes, I'd do it."

The boy asks his brother. "A million bucks? Sure, it's a lot of money."

The boy returns to his father and father asks did he find out the difference between "potentially" and "realistically"? The boy says yes. "Potentially" we have 3 million dollars on our hands. "Realistically" we're living with 2 sluts and a homosexual.

(no offense to you cock lovers )

OMFG that's so horrible and yet so funny at the same time!

Thank you

i'm a frayed knot.

You live in Idaho, surrounded by hoomans.