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Anxiety and stuff
9 years ago
Ok so ive had a few questions recently asking about my anxiety and social problems. So I thought I should just do a quick journal about it so people can maybe understand how it affects me. I am sorry though im not thet good with words when trying to express how I feel so please bare with, ill try my best to make sense.
My anxiety pretty much hits me as soon as I walk out the door of my house, I guess the best way to describe it is the feeling of dread. If I get into any crouded area it feels like you're trapped, like you're inside a box and just can't get out. Sometimes it even gets hard to breathe. In other situations like in a shop and there are a few people in there, you kinda feel like you're being stared at. It feels like they are staring at you and judging how you look (they probably aren't). Its a really scary feeling and you feel vaunrable. But friends do help. My friends mean the world to me.
A few examples of where anxiety got to me:-
Last year in June (I think) I went to meet a friend at Stafford. From where I live its about an hour and a half away by train. I was on my own so as soon as I got on a train I felt really really trapped, so I found a spot where there wasn't many people. It was an area next to where the train cars link, there's no seats so I sat on the floor. About half way through the journey a couple of people decided to stop in the same part I was in. I was ok for a few minutes but after a while I started feeling really trapped and just wanted to escape. They'd done nothing wrong. I ended up bursting into tears and I just made the whole situation awkward. (Luckily they didn't see and they got off the train at the next station). I did end up having such a lovely day with my friend and it was super worth it.
Another incident though was November last year when I went drinking with a group of friends. I was in a bar quite late at night but it was my turn to get the drinks.I got to the bar and ordered the drinks. While I was waiting a random girl in there tapped my shoulder, I turned and looked at her and she said "You're really ugly, You look revolting". Ipretty much immediately felt sick and stuck there. As soon as I got the drinks and sat down I couldn't actually stay much longer. I went home soon after and wasnt actually able to leave my house for a few days. Not even just to go to the shop.
Its a hard feeling to overcome, especially on your own. When it hits hard you just want to drop everything and run home to where its safe. I am also very self conscious. I feel like I look really unattractive, I always wear coat when I go out just to hide my arms even if its 25°C and more. Im honesty really disgusting. So when someone does point it out in public, (and its happened a few times) It just makes you want to lock yourself in your room and never come out.
There's a little more I want to say but im really struggling to put it into words. I maybe should write things out before putting things on here :P
Anyway thanks so much for reading this, I hope you're doing well and I hope you're having a wonderful day. ♥
My anxiety pretty much hits me as soon as I walk out the door of my house, I guess the best way to describe it is the feeling of dread. If I get into any crouded area it feels like you're trapped, like you're inside a box and just can't get out. Sometimes it even gets hard to breathe. In other situations like in a shop and there are a few people in there, you kinda feel like you're being stared at. It feels like they are staring at you and judging how you look (they probably aren't). Its a really scary feeling and you feel vaunrable. But friends do help. My friends mean the world to me.
A few examples of where anxiety got to me:-
Last year in June (I think) I went to meet a friend at Stafford. From where I live its about an hour and a half away by train. I was on my own so as soon as I got on a train I felt really really trapped, so I found a spot where there wasn't many people. It was an area next to where the train cars link, there's no seats so I sat on the floor. About half way through the journey a couple of people decided to stop in the same part I was in. I was ok for a few minutes but after a while I started feeling really trapped and just wanted to escape. They'd done nothing wrong. I ended up bursting into tears and I just made the whole situation awkward. (Luckily they didn't see and they got off the train at the next station). I did end up having such a lovely day with my friend and it was super worth it.
Another incident though was November last year when I went drinking with a group of friends. I was in a bar quite late at night but it was my turn to get the drinks.I got to the bar and ordered the drinks. While I was waiting a random girl in there tapped my shoulder, I turned and looked at her and she said "You're really ugly, You look revolting". Ipretty much immediately felt sick and stuck there. As soon as I got the drinks and sat down I couldn't actually stay much longer. I went home soon after and wasnt actually able to leave my house for a few days. Not even just to go to the shop.
Its a hard feeling to overcome, especially on your own. When it hits hard you just want to drop everything and run home to where its safe. I am also very self conscious. I feel like I look really unattractive, I always wear coat when I go out just to hide my arms even if its 25°C and more. Im honesty really disgusting. So when someone does point it out in public, (and its happened a few times) It just makes you want to lock yourself in your room and never come out.
There's a little more I want to say but im really struggling to put it into words. I maybe should write things out before putting things on here :P
Anyway thanks so much for reading this, I hope you're doing well and I hope you're having a wonderful day. ♥
I think you are very brave for putting up with all of this