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Where To Find Me / Holy Shit Ground Control To Major Tom
9 years ago
General
Commissions: OPEN | Art Trades: Closed | Collabs: Never | Requests: 1000 Nopes
☆ l2edPanda's ToS ☆
☆ l2edPanda's Commission Rates ☆
☆ l2edPanda's Commission Queue ☆
☆ l2edPanda's Commission Info and Forms ☆
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We're back from Spain!
Holy smokes guys that site issue was a mess.
And because it's pretty likely it will stay a mess for a while, I'm going to be safe and redistribute my alternative site information. Furaffinity has been my most used art site outlet and I'm not completely turned off of continuing to have it that way, but I definitely want you guys to know (commissioners especially) where you can contact me or just see my stuff.
★ TWITTER ★
twitter.com/RedPandarama
[Personal sketches, WIP shots (of the artist's choice. Not the go-to for your WIP if you have requested one, I send those out privately), Doodles for artfriends, Personal life updates and statuses]
★ DEVIANTART ★
marxis.deviantart.com
[Mainly completed drawings, Fully SFW, Updated sporadically, More personal work than commission (not all commissions, even SFW, are guaranteed to be posted there) ]
★ TUMBLR ★
l2edPanda.tumblr.com
[Personal finished artwork, fanart, some sketches]
★ WEASYL ★
weasyl.com/~l2edPanda
[NEVER UPDATED- May change depending on circumstances here, posting it just for general knowledge]
★ EMAIL ★
l2edPanda[at]live.com
[I ask that only messages regarding commissions/trades/owed work be sent to this contact.]
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CURRENT EVENTS
So that brings us to the whole clusterfuck that happened here and what that means now.
I'm about to dedicate my first day back in the states to cleaning up just about everything.
I can't even remember what all I had posted in my gallery that got wiped because it had not been archived, but I'll consider reuploading whatever is in my files on my tablet computer once I access that later today. For now I'm posting this update from the boyfriendo's desktop since it's much easier to type on this setup.
For now, before sleep, I'm going to go through my notes and respond to things I was unable to previously. I'm also going to update the commission queue to add the YCH that was bought, as I think that's the only thing that isn't accounted for on the existing list. Once that is updated I'll go about some other things I have to do offsite. Today I'll be caught up on the phone with doctors, insurance agents, etc. So that may eat up a lot of potential time for getting work done- I'll also want to unpack and get grocery shopping in seeing as Evan and I have been away from home for a week and the fridge is looking pretty sad.
My schedule otherwise looks like this:
Monday- Off (Organize literally everything in existence)
Tuesday- Work
Wednesday- Off
Thursday- Zoo with friend, Grandfather's birthday
Friday- Work
Saturday- Little brother's birthday, Work
Sunday- Boyfriend's birthday
**I'll very likely be fitting in three adjuster meetings, a vet meeting, however many doctor meetings I'm asked to go to, whatever physical therapy meetings I'm asked to go to, etc in this week as well.
Monday- Off
Tuesday- Physical Therapy
Wednesday- Off
Thursday- Off
Friday- Work
Saturday- Work
Sunday- FRIENDS BIRTHDAY
6/6/16 - 6/12/16
Monday- Physical Therapy
Tuesday- Work
Wednesday- Off
Thursday- Insurance meetings
Friday- Work
Saturday- Work
Sunday- Off
PLAN: Work on traditional art during work days (before shift), work on digital art on off days/days with only appointments
My goal is to be working on art inbetween these things. I'm thinking that Wednesday will be a hardcore digital art day, whereas the days I'm working I'll probably focus on chipping away at FWA traditional work. This week is a little insane, what with all the birthdays and meetings and work packed in right after coming back from an international trip. So I'm hoping that the week after I'll truly be able to sit down and wrap these queues up, if not- at least make very big dents in them. Come Tuesday I should also have the next week's (or possible two) schedule so that I can map out artwork times around those days.
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[NOT ART RELATED, FINAL COURTESY NOTICE]
Despite all the chaos, I'm feeling at peace. I addressed something publicly that has been festering in my mind and making me rather nauseated to think about. I let it be known (again) that I do not want romantic attention/gestures/feelings from anyone other than my boyfriend Evan, nor do I want to be used by being called anyone else's girlfriend when I am in a very happy, committed relationship with Evan.
Unfortunately someone fantasized that my work, art, and writing is alluding to them in secret and suggesting that I care about them. This is not the case, the reality is that I draw what my commissioners ask me to draw and whatever personal art I draw is for me and me alone, not at all hinging on their interests or whatever else they imagined up. I am also the only one to thank for the business my art receives, as I alone was the one who developed my talent for a lifetime and posted it online- getting my own name out there. In time more and more people found me as I posted more art, and were so generous as to support my artwork. That's how 'popularity' works, not by some random nobody favoriting work and thinking the world is watching them with bated breath for what to find interesting. (not that I would remotely call myself popular, sidenote.)
A normal person would not think that such things had anything to do with them personally, but this person is clearly very lonely and desperate for somewhere they can belong or for some sense of importance. (I'd like to take a moment to compare their way of thinking- "if they didn't want to be stalked or have my interest, they shouldn't put out suggestive work that I feel is tailored to me" to the horribly twisted rape-excuse of "they were asking for it by what they were wearing". While this is not even on the same page as rape, that entitled, self-excusing way of thinking is very much the same)
It's no surprise that they give themselves such a pedestal though when it comes to my art, as they are so far gone they believe that big hit TV shows, movies, and pop culture icons are watching them for inspiration and use their 'ideas'. (What great ideas? I don't know.) It's as if the concept of 'coincidence' or just the obvious fact that there are billions of people in the world who all have repeating/similar ideas and tastes, doesn't exist in their mind. I could very well tell you the difference between sharing preferences in a world we all have to share and being outright used as an outlet for ideas - cue all the art theft issues I've been dealing with where others blatantly trace my work- that's what actually being used is.
They believe that people are watching them, often calling themselves a 'celebrity', they are so paranoid and oddly egotistical (not about their appearance, but rather some made-up grandeur idea of their 'vast importance') that they stretch imagination to actually think the people who hate them travel to visit them in person or physically stalk them. They even once met a random woman and immediately assumed it was my mother, despite the woman claiming she had a very young teenage daughter, while I am an adult woman. And of course, that's disregarding the absolute ludicrous idea that the mother of a person who hates them and wishes to be left alone by them would travel across country to speak to them. If I were that crazy and had their logic, I could point out any overweight man on the street and claim they were 'here in my town stalking me'.
The truth is, they are blocked and banned because I detest them. But sadly they are so wrapped up in their misinterpretations and delusions that they will never believe whatever fact is put out in front of them, because that is not the reality that they want to live in. They instead complicate their life and torture themselves by making up riddles and codes that aren't even there to begin with, getting involved in people's lives who want nothing to do with them. Looking for deeper meaning in the art people draw and connecting it to themselves. When in reality, it's not for them at all. It's just that simple.
Anyway, I could have not taken the time to write all that up but Evan and I have been talking about this. As my boyfriend, Evan is very angry that I've suffered because of this person's antics, but he suggested that I take one last moment before putting this all behind me to write out how unrealistic this person's way of thinking is- not to be ugly, but to potentially help them fix their life and perspective for future people they may meet. To 'give them answers' as they so often seem to be looking for them.
Because while I do hate this person, and ultimately want them to stop stalking my work (or at the very least, to stop falsely imagining that it has anything to do with them at all when it does not, the exception being posts like this where I ask them to leave me alone)- I do believe that there is good in everything. And that if this person can stop fantasizing over younger artist women online that block them and openly talk about hating them, they can focus his attention on finding someone who will actually care about them and they won't be so miserable anymore.
But I do hope they don't mistake this for any ounce of caring on my end. I don't have any mercy or second chances left for this person, which is saying a lot for me. I'm not proud that I hate them, as hate is never a thing to be proud of, but I am secure in the conclusion that I cannot hold out hope for them to respect me and leave me alone. Were they able, I may have been able to be on civil, neutral terms with them.
As it is, I'm done reading the disgusting romantic things they write about me. I used to check the writing now and then to document it as proof of unwanted romantic attention for a restraining order, (especially after I openly asked for it to stop months ago), but also in the hopes that they would have stopped so that I could stop hating them. But I've realized that this is beneath me, it is a waste of time to look for change with them. In an 'on the way out of the door' sort of gesture, I'm leaving this final bit of writing so that they may move on and find someone, because if they keep 'waiting to be with me' they are very much going to die alone. Because me wanting anything to do with them will never happen, much less any sort of relationship. And were I to ever see them anywhere near me physically, I would be calling the police immediately so as to be kept as far away from them as possible.
At this point, I have said everything that can possibly be said to them. Listed clearly what they've done that caused me to hate them, I've rejected their theories, asked to not be stalked and have my personal and commission work interpreted to their own personal gain, and ultimately- to be left alone. There's really nothing left to say. Some people would tell me that they don't deserve this clarity, but I have nothing to lose by wrapping up three years of feeling so anxious from their stalking and fantasies that I wanted to stop posting art online altogether.
I'm sure they'll go against my wishes and continue to creep on a younger girl they find attractive just because "they deserve a gf for all their 'hard work' ", but I'm not going to keep an eye out for their ranting anymore. I thought it would be uncomfortable, knowing I'm being written about openly but not knowing what exactly was being said- yet I feel free when I think about no longer involving myself. Because as soon as I stop giving a hoot and acknowledging the writing, they cease to exist- and will quite literally drift away into being just a bad memory from a disturbing time period.
Besides, if I'm asking them to stop stalking me, I should very well do the same.
Here's the end to a very long and unwanted era.
(So, leave me alone)
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END TRANSMISSION
FOR THE RESTA' YOU CUTE NERDS (literally everyone but that one guy) I'M SO HAPPY TO BE BACK HOME AND READY TO DIVE INTO WORK! Not just for commissioners, but for any of the amazingly sweet people who support me with watches too. Can't wait to start posting more for you hella noice peeps <3
l2EDPANDA,
OUT 
just to let you know that it was only
a roll back of a few days, unlike the
original week they had mentioned
previously (thankfully) so if you
hadnt uploaded anything or just a
few pieces of recent things - you
should be able to figure out what
needs to be reposted ;)
Really it's more a matter of inconvenience for someone like me who has carpal tunnel and doesn't want to have to write out the information section and click the filter settings again. It's a tiny thing, especially when I sit here and write out walls of journal text to get a point across, but I try to do things only once to save the strain on my wrist- it's actually a big reason why I don't upload everything I draw here and instead opt for places like twitter for super quick postin's xD
you are coming from, only ive never had
a guy to be my back up - so you are lucky
i do hope shit gets better cause some ppl
need a real hard swift kick to the head
to get things into their brain imo...
annnnnd i understand the pain. i have
carpal tunnel, tendonitis and arthritis
in both wrists an i write x.x given its
usually the minor of all of those but
when you combine em over time of
rapid use or severe cold >_< *hugs*
You could try to dictate it perhaps with
a good program or get evan to help on
some days <3
Or like me with some things if most of
it is repeating the exact same words
theres copy an paste from word :D
You'll always be good people and Evan is fantastic at his duty being your other half.
I almost want to apologize to everyone else for sounding like a broken record- I shouldn't have to have said any of this more than once. But now I can sleep well knowing I'm leaving all that behind, and that my poor watchers won't have to deal with the retellings of that painfully awkward and gross chapter in my life.
What's more, you're such a great person- I hope you know that! :>
Anytime, hon.
As for broken record, since you aaaare like that whole popular thing, means you're aware of it, and since you've said something about it that isn't a huge screaming rage that feeds the trolls, you actually get stuff fixed.
It also lets your friends remind you that you are not alone and will never be unspported when you ask or need it.
Selfishly, It lets me see you light up. That light makes the world and your creations all the more womderous to partake in.
in other news, im glad you had a nice trip to spain!! how exciting! i'd love to be able to go there at some point. i wish you the best of luck at sorting out the mess that FA made while you were out though x3 i can't wait to see all the arts :V!
Ps: a bit off topic, do you do profile icons?
rambling aside, you are a kind and generous person and you sharing the events that lift you up, those little windows into your life makes me happy and hopeful that those moments keep you smiling when times are rough.
/end ramble.
Glad you had an awesome trip and made it home safe <3
Glad to have you back, and super glad that you enjoyed your trip to Spain! Can't wait to see whatever might come out in the future. <3