I'm at FC, it's saturday, and I'm feeling fucking bitter. Why? I dunno...I just feel so blah. For one thing, I have school on monday, so I have to leave sunday, which blows. Too...I think I realized why I always have a problem socializing at FC.

FC has an absolutely ridiculous population of artists, including those I've talked too online: Koda, Shuik, Glenn, Syniroth(sp?), etc, etc. There are even some non-artists, who I know are there, like Sohjin.

But here's my problem, and this applies mostly to the artists, I've got nothing. I don't think I can socialize with them, because I've got nothing in common with them. I went up to the creator's lounge late friday evening, and was sitting there, listening to everyone talk.

And I realized while sitting there, I had nothing to contribute to their conversation. Hell, I bet if I so much as tried to speak to them, I'd get weird looks, or they'd acknowledge me for a second, and go right back to talking to one another.

I hate it how people like Sohjin can sit there and chat up others, like best friends, and I'm sitting here like the odd man out. I listen to them discuss art trades and swapping sketchbooks. I can't fucking draw. I tried, I honestly fucking tried to draw. And I looked at it, and saw just how bad I was.

It's fine that Midekai is an artist. Even in he doesn't get mad comissions, he's an artist, and he's good friends with other furs, who happen to be artists, it's what they share in common. I'm not faulting him that, and I'm not mad at him for it. More like disgustingly jealous.

I just sit there, or wonder the con aimlessly. I was scolded for spending last FC sitting at the computers. Well, guess what, I volunteer for panels, get on the staff, and spend more time out and about. And what do I get? The same result as last year; and take a wild guess what that was:

Nothing.

That's right. FUCKING. NOTHING.

I basically spent most of con just wandering about, or, when I found people, they were already talking, and I just kinda sat there and stayed quiet. How do I be social with someone, with whom I cannot relate to? How do I talk to someone whom I want to socialize with, but since they're an artist, I cannot do so without somehow coming off as a fanboy. It's a lose-lose.

I went with Midekai, and met N (Nitrogen), last year. I remembered something he said to me a few weeks afterward, when I saw him online. This isn't word for word what he said, but it's about right:

"I don't remember people who aren't important."

Seriously, there were a few people, who saw my nametag in plain sight, and took almost a full minute before they realized who I was. I bet 20 bucks, if I was some artist, I'd be recognized right away.

Of course, I'm going to hear all sorts of people telling me where my logic or arguement are flawed. But honestly, I don't care. I honestly just want to leave right now. Pack up my stuff, and leave, all without saying a word. I bet no one would notice I'd even left.

Of course, the fact I just said that means someone will argue otherwise, but I know the truth. It's true, I'm not a memorable person, I'm not special, I've got nothing of merit. I'm just your average furry. And apparently the crowd I know doesn't care about the average furry.