Beyond trying to get my art done, I've been trying desperately to apply for a form of free health insurance to be able to check myself in and get a diagnosis on my depression; but it turns out my job pays me over $300/month too much to qualify for free health insurance, so I would hafta get a premium insurance, and here the lowest premium I qualify for is 160/month. I can't pay such a premium, so I can't afford to get the medical attention I need to be healthy and happy.

I've been trying to get more art done, but nothing's sticking, or I lose all energy, or I lose all value and end up stopping. I keep seeing my queue list and knowing it's not going down at all just furthers my lack of value. And with my manager seriously planning on destroying my life by demoting me into a worse position; there's very little point at looking at any positives in my life, as they hold no candle to what is being deemed important.

I'm not quitting art, or FA, or anything like that; but all the things I've been trying to do just keep failing time and again; I keep telling myself to set up a stream, I don't; I plan out what to draw next, no drive or energy; I plan out all the things I need to say to my manager, and they fall on deaf ears. I'm just so done with life that I know I'm depressed, but my managers and life isn't going to acknowledge it unless I get it diagnosed; but I can't get it diagnosed if I don't have the insurance, but I can't get the insurance because my job pays too well, but it's not good enough for me to afford rent by myself and hafta rely on my brother living with me to sort this all out, but nothing is getting saved up.

I'm gonna try and get something done, doubt it will go anywhere though.