FA+
Shop
Ghosts from the Past. Vague Journaling Ahead.
9 years ago
General
I'm sorry. When I tried to reach out, when I put my hand out to help, you ignored me and pretended I didn't exist, like I am just some small stain on your past of no real consequence. You turned a blind eye to everything, turned away the opportunity to at the very least learn the signs I spent years uncovering. Now, I find out you're monitoring my other accounts, and have scraped up the nerve to ask me if I know about anything that might've slipped past you...
I'm not gonna make this easy for you, sorry. No one made it easy for me, I tried to be supportive of you in the past, a virtual stranger, and it didn't do any good. A piece of my heart hurts for you, but I am not going to bring that shit back into my life again and let it take me over. I had to play the constantly on-edge, paranoid, painfully vigilant bitch for far too many years. I became obsessed with digging up dirt... and there is always more dirt. I will not help to dig this grave when it is one that I know will and should be dug without any "help" from me.
There will never NOT be something going on, because it has been happening for TOO long, on and off, with a lot of the SAME people. The lies will NEVER stop. The occasional wasp you swat away is nothing compared to the hornet's nest constantly buzzing beneath the stairs. This beast you've made a pact with insists that you will never find peace until you drive it away for good. I'm sorry, but now that's a lesson you need to learn on your own, in your own time, like I did. You chose that path knowing good and well what monsters are capable of. You chose it knowing the very foundation of your pact was built on pain, lies, selfishness, and misplaced trust.
The only little advice I will leave for you if you happen to find this? Watch the cellphone. It's always on silent or vibrate. That screen tilts away all the time, is shut off or placed face down when you come near. It's "the only thing that's mine" = lie. "I'm protective because my parents used to always try to take my things from me" = lie. It can't be handed over for you to borrow without taking 5-10 minutes to "do something" first? You're given the passcode and weeks later you find it's been changed?
I'm all out of silver platters.
I'm not gonna make this easy for you, sorry. No one made it easy for me, I tried to be supportive of you in the past, a virtual stranger, and it didn't do any good. A piece of my heart hurts for you, but I am not going to bring that shit back into my life again and let it take me over. I had to play the constantly on-edge, paranoid, painfully vigilant bitch for far too many years. I became obsessed with digging up dirt... and there is always more dirt. I will not help to dig this grave when it is one that I know will and should be dug without any "help" from me.
There will never NOT be something going on, because it has been happening for TOO long, on and off, with a lot of the SAME people. The lies will NEVER stop. The occasional wasp you swat away is nothing compared to the hornet's nest constantly buzzing beneath the stairs. This beast you've made a pact with insists that you will never find peace until you drive it away for good. I'm sorry, but now that's a lesson you need to learn on your own, in your own time, like I did. You chose that path knowing good and well what monsters are capable of. You chose it knowing the very foundation of your pact was built on pain, lies, selfishness, and misplaced trust.
The only little advice I will leave for you if you happen to find this? Watch the cellphone. It's always on silent or vibrate. That screen tilts away all the time, is shut off or placed face down when you come near. It's "the only thing that's mine" = lie. "I'm protective because my parents used to always try to take my things from me" = lie. It can't be handed over for you to borrow without taking 5-10 minutes to "do something" first? You're given the passcode and weeks later you find it's been changed?
I'm all out of silver platters.
