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Frustrated, Depressed, Needing Support
9 years ago
General
So I have been almost afraid to really and truly vent for a long time on FA. But right now, I pretty much have hit rock bottom and I don't see myself going any lower, so why the hell not...
I love this site, I really do. There is community here and sure, some people bitch and hate for both justified and unjustified reason, but regardless, FurAffinity will have been a part of my life for 10 years come July. I know I bitch occasionally, I've even been attacked by someone who "champions" Freedom of Speech that I use the site as a personal Facebook and need to shut the fuck up. Whatever, it is what it is.
About two months ago, I received a note out of the blue from someone I used to care about greatly but hadn't spoken to in nearly two years. What followed was a list of lies and accusations resulting in his conclusion that I was the single worst person on FA and that the world would rejoice when I was gone for good and people could live without fear of me. I was given a list of seven victims. Four as still very close friends of mine (one is even my mate) and laughed at the accusations. The other three are some of the most verbally abusive and hateful people I've ever encountered, and everyone I asked about shared the same opinion of them. Yet the speaker and these other seven people were my sole responsibility and I was a horrible person and scum on the bottom of the rock. I believe this situation has resolved itself, but regardless of apologies and understandings, the pain is still there and it still hurts.
I tried to set up a fun little trip with two people I greatly cared about last year. It turned into a disaster because one of them insisted on including his mother. I had reasons against this, both personal and logical, but despite my repeated attempts to compromise, it failed. I tried again this year, and this time, the mother was a problem. She hated my parents for being angry at her for the way she treated me. She knew I was gay so I was just a dirty faggot trying to steal her son away. And I was a bad influence trying to get her son to spend all his money that he should be saving to go to college (even though I've tried to get him to NOT spend $3000 on adoptables). So it ended in failure again. She gets her way, I still care about my friend, but again, I hurt.
Moving off the internet, I work with a fellow manager named Tequila (obviously, this is a cover name but her real name is actually an alcoholic beverage). She is a hateful, immature, little woman. If she doesn't get her way, she threatens to quit. If she doesn't like an employee, she will go after them until they quit or do something she can fire them for. And she hates me. She seriously has an issue with seeing me happy. She's came in three times in the month I've had my kitten and detailed to me how she plans on murdering a defenseless baby animal just to hurt me. The year I've been here, it's been one issue after another, and my superiors will do nothing about it. Just ignore her, they say. She's just being stupid, they say. Well I come in today and she's caused one employee to quit because she just kept cutting his hours every single day. She's got another one wanting to quit because she just took a day for no reason away from that employee and gave it to another employee. So I called her and wanted an explanation. After I tell her she was wrong, she lays in to her "Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck this job" and yes, I lost my temper. It's really hard not to. Now, for the hundredth time, she's threatening to quit and she's literally blowing up everyone's phone to say she's quitting. I know who's going to get fucked in this situation regardless of the outcome. It's going to be me, it's always me, every time I don't let her get her way, I get fucked. And it hurts.
Everything kind of hurts right now. It's just like one incident after another after another. Maybe I really am a horrible person and the world will be better off without me. Who knows, maybe we'll get to find out soon enough....
I love this site, I really do. There is community here and sure, some people bitch and hate for both justified and unjustified reason, but regardless, FurAffinity will have been a part of my life for 10 years come July. I know I bitch occasionally, I've even been attacked by someone who "champions" Freedom of Speech that I use the site as a personal Facebook and need to shut the fuck up. Whatever, it is what it is.
About two months ago, I received a note out of the blue from someone I used to care about greatly but hadn't spoken to in nearly two years. What followed was a list of lies and accusations resulting in his conclusion that I was the single worst person on FA and that the world would rejoice when I was gone for good and people could live without fear of me. I was given a list of seven victims. Four as still very close friends of mine (one is even my mate) and laughed at the accusations. The other three are some of the most verbally abusive and hateful people I've ever encountered, and everyone I asked about shared the same opinion of them. Yet the speaker and these other seven people were my sole responsibility and I was a horrible person and scum on the bottom of the rock. I believe this situation has resolved itself, but regardless of apologies and understandings, the pain is still there and it still hurts.
I tried to set up a fun little trip with two people I greatly cared about last year. It turned into a disaster because one of them insisted on including his mother. I had reasons against this, both personal and logical, but despite my repeated attempts to compromise, it failed. I tried again this year, and this time, the mother was a problem. She hated my parents for being angry at her for the way she treated me. She knew I was gay so I was just a dirty faggot trying to steal her son away. And I was a bad influence trying to get her son to spend all his money that he should be saving to go to college (even though I've tried to get him to NOT spend $3000 on adoptables). So it ended in failure again. She gets her way, I still care about my friend, but again, I hurt.
Moving off the internet, I work with a fellow manager named Tequila (obviously, this is a cover name but her real name is actually an alcoholic beverage). She is a hateful, immature, little woman. If she doesn't get her way, she threatens to quit. If she doesn't like an employee, she will go after them until they quit or do something she can fire them for. And she hates me. She seriously has an issue with seeing me happy. She's came in three times in the month I've had my kitten and detailed to me how she plans on murdering a defenseless baby animal just to hurt me. The year I've been here, it's been one issue after another, and my superiors will do nothing about it. Just ignore her, they say. She's just being stupid, they say. Well I come in today and she's caused one employee to quit because she just kept cutting his hours every single day. She's got another one wanting to quit because she just took a day for no reason away from that employee and gave it to another employee. So I called her and wanted an explanation. After I tell her she was wrong, she lays in to her "Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck this job" and yes, I lost my temper. It's really hard not to. Now, for the hundredth time, she's threatening to quit and she's literally blowing up everyone's phone to say she's quitting. I know who's going to get fucked in this situation regardless of the outcome. It's going to be me, it's always me, every time I don't let her get her way, I get fucked. And it hurts.
Everything kind of hurts right now. It's just like one incident after another after another. Maybe I really am a horrible person and the world will be better off without me. Who knows, maybe we'll get to find out soon enough....
Sorry if that sounding a lil malicious and hateful of me but she seriously needs to be taken down a peg, that kind of attitude is NOT for the workplace.
*hugs tight* I have my phone if you need me hun, headin to work myself shortly.
You know, if she is actually threatening you like that, you CAN go to the cops. Killing pets is actually illegal, and the fact that she is threatening to kill your bab to hurt you can get her in a lot of shit. If you can manage it, maybe prop your phone up on a counter with it recording while shes flipping out like that so you have proof of her inanity to give to your bosses? I managed that with one of my coworkers once. It was pretty classic.
Either way, you should just let the bitch quit. You guys survived just fine before her and you will survive after shes gone. Yeah itll be hard for a while, but youve made it this far.
As far as that moron in the notes goes, anyone on his list who actually matters found everything he said to be hillarious anyways. Trolls gonna troll. You're ok, hun. You got this :)
I really do hope things get better for you soon, again you seem cool to me and anyone who accuses you of such opposite are just trolls and the REAL scum, don't feed into their hate. *hugs*
*Hugs* ;-;