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Holy shit, its been 9 days... An update of my life
16 years ago
I'm waiting for the day I feel a natural emotion.
Remember the days when I used to spam you with a combination of my emotional bullshit and memes?
Those were some good times
Er...
Not really.
Well, I guess it's time for some updates about my lame boring fail-life
Emotionally... I'm pretty depressed.
Not really suicidal or that, but... apathy is setting in.
I just don't care about my own life anymore... In a way that I would prefer it to end, but I don't have the energy to do it myself. My alienation is becoming much more... noticeable to me, I barely feel any connection to the people around me. My relationships with some of my old friends has gone down the drain, but I guess thats expected to happen after high school (though I didn't think it would happen so fast). I'm sleeping more and more, just not interested in being awake. Nothing really... satisfying happens. My tremors have been getting worse, disproving my parents theory that it was because of me not eating. My urge to have violent outbursts is also getting a bit worse (I don't actually have the violent outbursts... its just sort of like... I look at something, and have the urge to tear the fuck out of it, fling it across the room, etc.). I'm worried about the future, as always, not sure what's going to happen, all of that jazz. Worried about dying before I accomplish anything in life, worried that nobody will care when I die.
My doctor forwarded my referral to a psychologist in town and I got in, so I wont be having to travel 5 hours to go to a shrink. My first appointment is on the 16th. I really want some help, I don't want to be like this anymore.
Still lonely as fuck, as always. But, thats to be expected, I am back in Fort McMurray. My sexual drive is going up and down... periods of complete disinterest combined with periods of horniness. It's not very fun.
I'm also still jobless. I've handed out a ton of resumes and shit, to places that have said they were hiring, but I have not gotten any calls. I'm really pissed about that. I came back here to get a job and save up some money... and I haven't made a dime.
Now, some good news!
I'm getting my tattoo done today, I'll post up photos when its done. Hopefully it will be awesome.
Those were some good times
Er...
Not really.
Well, I guess it's time for some updates about my lame boring fail-life
Emotionally... I'm pretty depressed.
Not really suicidal or that, but... apathy is setting in.
I just don't care about my own life anymore... In a way that I would prefer it to end, but I don't have the energy to do it myself. My alienation is becoming much more... noticeable to me, I barely feel any connection to the people around me. My relationships with some of my old friends has gone down the drain, but I guess thats expected to happen after high school (though I didn't think it would happen so fast). I'm sleeping more and more, just not interested in being awake. Nothing really... satisfying happens. My tremors have been getting worse, disproving my parents theory that it was because of me not eating. My urge to have violent outbursts is also getting a bit worse (I don't actually have the violent outbursts... its just sort of like... I look at something, and have the urge to tear the fuck out of it, fling it across the room, etc.). I'm worried about the future, as always, not sure what's going to happen, all of that jazz. Worried about dying before I accomplish anything in life, worried that nobody will care when I die.
My doctor forwarded my referral to a psychologist in town and I got in, so I wont be having to travel 5 hours to go to a shrink. My first appointment is on the 16th. I really want some help, I don't want to be like this anymore.
Still lonely as fuck, as always. But, thats to be expected, I am back in Fort McMurray. My sexual drive is going up and down... periods of complete disinterest combined with periods of horniness. It's not very fun.
I'm also still jobless. I've handed out a ton of resumes and shit, to places that have said they were hiring, but I have not gotten any calls. I'm really pissed about that. I came back here to get a job and save up some money... and I haven't made a dime.
Now, some good news!
I'm getting my tattoo done today, I'll post up photos when its done. Hopefully it will be awesome.
remember this song:
...we got to try if it all goes wrong we walk
what song is that?
mmmmm youre giving me it hard...
let me think
damn the least thing i can come up is sex
that definitely isn't happening
book: veronika decides to die
for real, this book helped a lot of people when they felt like dying