So I was rather quiet this weekend on all fronts, kinda that way every year sons father's day. I can't really celebrate it and it is more of a day to mourn. It also serves as a reminder that here in just a bit over a month on the 24th of July is my birthday, and 3 days after that marks the day of my father's passing.

I make this journal in hopes that my birthday won't just pass quietly by like it has for 9 years since it is so close to a less than enjoyable event. I want to plan something, maybe a party? I don't know, it's all somewhat alien. Hell I don't even get gifts anymore after my 18th and I think part of it is I don't ever talk about it, even my relatives have stopped asking me what I want, just handing me some cash and their birthday cards. Which is nothing bad, I just hate asking others for stuff because I feel like a mooch. But in all honesty, everyone can say happy birthday, and that's all I get. Not many have shown much else.

This journal may sound like self pity, and it probably is . But I'm a bit down and don't want to just sit around on my birthday when I will be hitting this low point again. I would really love a present, something with meaning in it, not just bunches of "happu birthdays" which die away in the same day.