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Harassment/Stalking Advice [Mental Illness Trigger Warning]
9 years ago
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_____________________________ - ⚓ - _____________________________This journal is solely for the benefit of those who have dealt/are dealing with uncomfortable situations. They do not have to be identical to this one for you to be eligible to receive help or for your case to be taken seriously. Any discomfort caused to you by another directly, especially after you request for it to stop, is not to be taken lightly. You deserve to feel safe, comfortable, and to have your wishes and boundaries respected. HOWEVER I HAVE TO MENTION THAT THIS JOURNAL IS NOT ABOUT ART, It's merely pertaining to an issue that I was given some clarification on recently and I thought I would share.
IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS HARASSING YOU OPENLY, DON'T IGNORE THE SIGNS. I did for way too long, and recently found out some surprising information about my three-year long struggle with what I originally thought was just some random idiot. The following is a bit about something I've chosen look into recently to make me feel like there's a decent barrier between me and a stalker, and what the officer I spoke with thinks is causing all of this trouble. (mental illness trigger warning ahead)
My family was urging me to get a restraining order against the stalker after I stopped reading what they were writing about me. They could tell that I was uncomfortable and tense, so I explained the situation to them. We met with an officer to go over the details of the case before the formalities of going to court for paperwork, and he told me that the stalker sounds like a textbook paranoid schizophrenic, who is harboring erotomanic tendencies. I looked up both of those things, and it really fits the bill.
Essentially, schizophrenia is not just 'hearing voices' or being violently psychotic.
It's usually caused by childhood abuse or trauma.
Paranoid schizophrenia symptoms ("schizophrenia with paranoia"):
(I only listed the ones that match this case, auditory hallucinations are common but not always present)
-Grandiose delusions (exaggerated belief of one's own power, intelligence, skills, social status, wealth, identity, value, etc / Delusions that unrelated events/comments/actions/gestures are towards them, of being a celebrity, of having themselves or their work referenced or used by many others, of exalted birth, of being chosen for a special mission, that they have a relationship with a famous person. or that someone is in love with them)
-Inappropriate social behavior/reactions
-Psychosis (losing touch with reality)
-Suspicion of others (so severe that any social situation is very uncomfortable for the schizophrenic- the anxiety and fear they have makes it almost impossible to function normally around others)
-High anxiety
-Irritability
-Withdrawal from friends and family
-Difficulty managing/understanding emotions
-High, unreasonable aggression when faced with a negative or unwanted situation
-Obsessing over/ maintaining at least one delusion
-(Results of untreated schizophrenia) Becoming unemployed, homeless, imprisoned, or more likely to be the victim of a crime
-Oversleeping/insomnia (irregular sleep patterns)
(pulled from http://www.helpguide.org/articles/s.....and-causes.htm)
-Delusions of persecution – Belief that others, often a vague “they,” are out to get him or her. These persecutory delusions often involve bizarre ideas and plots (e.g. “Martians are trying to poison me with radioactive particles delivered through my tap water”).
-Delusions of reference – A neutral environmental event is believed to have a special and personal meaning. For example, a person with schizophrenia might believe a billboard or a person on TV is sending a message meant specifically for them.
-Delusions of grandeur – Belief that one is a famous or important figure, such as Jesus Christ or Napolean. Alternately, delusions of grandeur may involve the belief that one has unusual powers that no one else has (e.g. the ability to fly).
-Delusions of control – Belief that one’s thoughts or actions are being controlled by outside, alien forces. Common delusions of control include thought broadcasting (“My private thoughts are being transmitted to others”), thought insertion (“Someone is planting thoughts in my head”), and thought withdrawal (“The CIA is robbing me of my thoughts”).
Now erotomania is usually connected to schizophrenia, and is described as a form of paranoid delusion originally described by de Clérambault as 'having a phase of hope followed by a phase of resentment'
The schizophrenic usually develops this disease from a deep rooted sense of worthlessness, of being unloveable, or of having other hideous qualities to their personality or appearance. In a desperate attempt to salve their lonely, unsatisfying existence, they latch onto a stranger- usually one who does not want the attention or affection- and becomes disturbingly obsessed with them.
The victim of the delusion, with whom only a brief or no acquaintance exists, is someone inaccessible to the schizophrenic. They are likely someone of higher status, or someone the schizophrenic has seen on television, or online. (A 'famous' person) In many cases, nothing has been done by the victim to stimulate or encourage the romantic behavior. The victim is at first unaware of the obsession towards them, but is later likely to be embarrassed by telephone calls, messages, and amorous advances.
-Schizophrenics often believe that it is the victim of their delusion who is more in love with them than they are with him/her. They take great pride in this. They may feel that the subject cannot live happily without him/her.
-Schizophrenics may believe that the victim of their delusion cannot make his/her feelings known because of various reasons - for example, difficulties in approaching them. A secret plot. Or some other unrealistic scenario.
-This type of delusional disorder may lead to stalking or other potentially threatening and dangerous behavior. The police may get involved in trying to keep the schizophrenic from pestering the victim but this may be perceived as a paradoxical sign of affection.
-The schizophrenic may continue to pester the victim and may develop delusions of persecution following the delusions of passion.
-The schizophrenic will disregard any facts, ignoring the reality of the situation. This usually includes them overlooking the victim's requests for them to stop or leave them alone. The schizophrenic begins to see the person not as a person, but as an object they are fixated on.
-They may also be violent against those they believe stand in the way of their delusional love.
http://metro.co.uk/2015/10/22/when-.....ealed-5454973/
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psy.....dia/erotomania
http://mymultiplesclerosis.co.uk/st.....ve-compulsive/
Essentially, this man is so lonely that he desperately clings to this false reality (psychosis) that he matters at all to anyone in the world, and what's more- he actually believes that someone who hates him (me) actually cares about him in secret, and that we are 'going to be together one day'. So secure in his delusions that he calls me his 'girlfriend' when I am very clearly already in a relationship with Evan, something all of you probably know more than you'd care to know- what with all my lovey things I draw or write about Evan.
He explain away any facts and truth of the situation to look past what's real and towards how he wishes his life would pan out.
Can you imagine being someone so lost? So far gone that you literally spend your life obsessing over someone who is out of your league, uninterested in you, and already committed to another relationship. You waste years ignoring the facts and their demands to leave them alone, just to keep fixating on them and your fantasy that they will leave their relationship for you.
Many of these people lead miserable, unsatisfied, hopeless lives because they simply will not let go and find someone who actually reciprocates their feelings.
And as such many of them die alone, as is the case with the woman who believed the King of England was in love with her just because she loved him and she believed that him moving the curtains of the castle throughout the day was a reaffirming sign of his affection for her.
Or the man who was in love with the Queen, and stalked around her for years with no return for his misplaced affections.
Erotomania/paranoid schizophrenia is even referenced in the show 'Orange is the New Black'- with Lorna. Who stalked and obsessed over a man who she had only gone on one date with. She built up the dream that they were a couple, eventually that they were engaged, until she found out that he was getting married to his actual fiance and admitted that she had a real problem. Saying that she was 'crazy'.
It's pretty sick, and while it is a severe mental disease I do not pity those who use their disorder as an excuse to write off the harm they cause others.
____________________________________________________
MOVING ON TO MY MAIN POINT,
Because I've made the decision to let go of the nausea and disgust I have for this situation (although it is hard to not feel uncomfortable), I would normally not post an article like this publicly. From this point on, I've planned to handle my repulsion of this person privately- which gets easier each day that I stay away from the creepy things that they may write about me. However, this post is not for my sake- it's not even for the sake of asking the stalker to stop harassing me.
I have had many people contact me both publicly and privately claiming that they have either had the misfortune of encountering situations like this in the past, or that they are currently struggling with anything from stalking to abusive behavior.
Up until now, I thought the stalker was someone of at least average intelligence who was just selfish and misogynistic. Turns out, the type of person I've had to deal with is a dead ringer for a severe mental disorder. You always hear the term 'schizophrenic', but rarely have I seen it in action. What's more, they are letting their disease go unchecked, and harming another person (me) with their resulting carelessness.
So please, PLEASE people- if you are struggling with something like this do NOT underestimate it.
The officer was very concerned when I began to get into the details, and showed him some of the inappropriate writing that was made about me. He almost seemed a little chiding towards me for not addressing this sooner, because it can lead to very dangerous situations. Overall though, he was extremely sympathetic and encouraged me to get a TRO before pursuing a more permanent means of restraint against someone so out of touch. I'm very lucky in that I don't have to live anywhere near this person, and how that- in the event they ever attempted to make contact with me, I would have not only the law on my side but a large support system from my family, friends, and boyfriend. (Not to mention the self defense I am now sure to keep on my person, something the officer was relieved to hear but did emphasize how he hopes it never comes down to that) As it unsurprisingly turns out, mental illness or not you are still held accountable for breaking the law. And a person who is delusional is expected to follow the same rules as anyone else. You'd think it would be very simple to understand, accept, and abide by someone telling you 'leave me alone'- but clearly we were giving them too much credit.
Anyway, let me not make this about my situation.
If anything, let me use my situation as a means for hope to those of you who feel like you have no way out with people like this. You do, even if it seems hopeless. Keep your chin up, count your blessings (trust me, they're there), and don't let them drag you down. They'll keep trying, but you have some say in all of it. Even if it makes you feel awful, even if it gives you horrendous anxiety and frustration, they are just an outsider desperately wanting to get in. Wanting to get to you, or get you, whichever- and they are acting out because they can't reach you. And so long as you stand tall, they never will.
Ok folks, there's my mamabear rant for the night. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and know that you're worth the help you may need.
P.S. A big THANK YOU to those of you who have been around supporting me through this! Your words of encouragement and sympathy do not go unappreciated. Especially the few of you who privately asked if I wanted you to 'take care of this guy'. I can't know for sure what you mean, but I have kept from giving out his account name- not because I don't think he deserves one hell of a lecture from anyone wanting to give it, but because he's fucking crazy and will probably only take the attention and make himself out to be some sort of celebrity or throw himself a pity party. Y'know the whole deal, abusive people pretending to be victims rather than own up to their crap. Ironically what he claims everyone else does to him, but that's denial for you. Point is- you guys are the BEST. And while I unfortunately can't say this is resolved, you can't fix crazy. So the best I can do is what I've resolved to do and that is to wash my hands of this whole mess. But before I finally do that, I did want to post a warning/encouragement for others dealing with stalking, harassment, abuse, or whatever other unwanted attention from someone.
l2EDPANDA,
OUT
**Oops edit: thank you for the advice!
Like if it was like this, I'd find it pretty easy to read and access,as all the text is well paced together and the eyes aren't having
to move so far to reach the next line. I don't know if that's a
universal cognitive reading issue though!
If it was like this, I have to run the sentence all the way down the screen, really really really far all the way down the page like whoa it's all the way to the end, I literally had to check how many characters can fit into a screen (over two lines in the comment/smaller box!)
Damn girlie.. he's been at it for 3 years too long. I'm really sorry you had to go through this. Psychosis this bad is fairly rare (and when it ocurs, it is usually caught and medicated) and it's just so shitty that you had to go through all of this. Best of luck to getting your restraining order and to (hopefully) putting all of this behind you :(
we're all here for you. Not only do you have the support from your family and friends, but you have 6K+ watchers who are here for you as well. <3
stay strong; keep on keepin on.
But anyway, you're 1000% right, I'm so lucky to have so many amazing peeps in my life. And what's more, Halloween season is coming up and I'm about to bust that door down YEEEE (Kinda sorta wanna draw our ladies in Hogwarts robes with a halloweeny feel to it- like falling leaves or picking pumpkins by Hagrid's cottage I-IF THAT'S OKAY OOPS)
ffffFFFFFFFF I AM SO EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN UGH. The Harry Potter Marathons, The Pumpkin Patch picking, THE AWESOME COSTUMES AND FEEL TO THE AIR uuuhhnnnhhh. Autumn is my favorite for many reasons.
OH GOD HAGRID'S COTTAGE PUMPKINS. I'm getting loving memories of the prisoner of Azkaban. Those pumpkin fuckers were HUGE.
I mean, I'd be 1000% okay with you doodling our ladies any time. I trust your skill and style and I may have a heart attack of love.
I've been waiting for your Halloween themed commissions to open up again anyways so I can buy them all.
So regardless of what you do, you'll be drawing stuff for me at some point in the near future B)
I understand if you don't think so but I mean it could be for the best.
But thanks for sharing this because if it was me I'd be to afraid to even do anything.
Yeah no, they DEFINITELY need help. Unfortunately, they probably won't get it because their delusions are the 'easy way to go' to fool themselves into not seeing how alone and unloved they are. If they were to get their act together, fact the facts, stop obsessing over me and find someone who actually wants them- I'd be happy for them. (And especially happy that I don't have a gross old man stalking me), but only they can fix their situation- and I doubt that will ever happen.
Doesn't much matter though, I am finally at a point where I know that I can't let one nasty person ruin how I feel about all people. I'm so incredibly lucky and I've really taken that for granted up until now. I HOPE you don't have anything like this going on, but if you do- PLEASE know you have people who love you and want you happy/safe, and never feel like you can't stand up for yourself. It's not easy, but you're worth it.
That's good that you aren't letting anyone get in your way of what truly matters !! I really admire that a lot about you! For right now though I don't have any stalkers and I'm hoping I'll never have any . BUUUT if something ever comes up I'm definitely going to read this Journal again to figure out what I'm going to do and not panic.
now, to clarify, that doesn't excuse it or justify it. he's still gotta stop. but it's completely out of his control.
All I know is either way he should still get help . Even if it doesn't work out in the end.
I do hope he gets some kind of help. Because of how dangerous he can get especially if he finds someone knew to obsesse over that he could get his hands on.
The important thing to remember is that, if you are dealing with a person like this, do not baby them, pity them, or think their illness gives them an out for their behavior. It is a reason, not an excuse. Do not demonize them, but do not write it off either. You are not the bad guy for seeking help, even if you think you're being overly sensitive. It is always better to be safe and sorry, and if youre feeling guilty or scared, thats a sign to seek help.
They will only repeat the delusional version, their fantasy version, which likely is something along the lines of 'We are dating in secret'- which is absolutely not true. But no therapist is going to know that there is an underlying issue when their only source is the patient who suffers from deep psychosis.
And I may have felt like I was being too harsh if I had said this before without warning, but after years of asking them openly and bluntly to leave me alone (and providing plenty of evidence that I am not interested and furthermore- am committed to a relationship that does not involve them) I have grown impatient and unsympathetic with their refusal to treat another human being as a person, not as an object of obsession. It means so much to hear your unbiased opinion on the matter, especially for how factual and unemotional it sounds. While this is an emotional topic for me, you are absolutely right in the fact that I cannot let this person walk all over me, but I also cannot ignore the fact that they are acting out of a very serious mental disease. Some of which is beyond their control- but that's just something to consider when I start to get angry at them, not something to write off their actions or make excuses for them.
I very much appreciate your input and straightforward advice!
I have been the victim of a stalker and abuse, but not schizophrenic. The guy had some major delusions, but it was more ego-centric and manipulative than anything else. He finally stopped bothering me a few years ago once my husband (then-fiance) approached him and told him to fuck off or it would reach his superior officers. Considering they're both military, the threat to the guy's livelihood hit home more than his want to manipulate people to do shit for him, so he finally got spooked away.
Dude, I'm just a person who doodles online and had a creepy old man get obsessed with me. The real people who rock are the people like you who inspire me to keep on keepin' on! ;w; You dudes are literally my rock, and even when I wanna give up like a huge baby, you're all the reason that I don't. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on this, I know it's not an easy or short read, and it means the world!
I certainly hope this guy gets help or something, it's gone on for much too long now.
Stay strong, man, we're all here for you ;;
Stay strong!! We're all here for you :)
Really glad you found help in police. As long as mentaly ill people are aware what they are doing, they are judged by the same laws and regulations. And if they are not aware, they get locked up.
Super creepy, uncomfortable, pretty much everything you've mentioned.
And this shed alot of light for me so thank you for writing this, really.
I know I need to do something soon, I mean, it's already out of hand considering the guy called my boyfriend AT HIS JOB to say sick, disgusting things targeted at myself.
And that guy went through alot of trouble to even find my boyfriend...his numbers and he told him on the phone about his kids. Something he definitely would not know if he wasn't stalking.
And the creepiest thing about it was what my boyfriend said he started the conversation with "I know you but you don't know me".
Classic, delusional stalker.
Best wishes and if you feel like it, keep me updated. I'd gladly lend an ear and some advice if I can.
Fast forward to today when another co-worker was talking about where she lives and Paul pipes up with "Did a guy named Bill live there?"
"Yeah, that's my dad"
"and was he a substitute teacher at ____?"
"He sure was."
"He saved my daughter's life."
It's a strange thing what sickness can do to a person, and what personal strength and fortitude can do for another, and even stranger how fate can entwine to where two people who had never met before can end up working at the same place years and years after an event that is in both their lives.
It's good to have things to refer to and to look at to know when it's time to get the law on your side.
*hugs* all the best to you! Be strong, and thank you for your help <3