It’s been a long wait, darlings. But finally, there is something on 👑’s page almost worth writing about. Almost. Meager material at best, but I will try to fill in the bare spots. Now I know what you are thinking, but I have been very good about keeping these journals to a minimum. Too good. So let’s see if we can make a mountain out of this mole-hill.

Actress Sharon Stone once famously said: “Men are frightened by a vagina and a point of view.” This is true. Personally, I think people should be more frightened by a teenager and a set of car keys. Yes, darlings. It seems our Queen has been involved in a car accident. A real one, not the flaming wrecks normally featured on her page. It seems our Queen was galavanting about on a treacherous piece of road high in the hills above Monaco, when she missed a curve and plunged to her death on the rocks below. Oh wait. I’m confused. That was the Queen of Hollywood, Grace Kelly, now known as Princess Grace of Monaco. Well, formerly known as Princess Grace of Monaco. Now she’s just… the LATE Princess Grace of Monaco. (The long persistent rumor is that her teenage daughter, Princess Stephanie, was the actual driver. This would go a long way into explaining why Stephanie survived the crash and her mother died.)

Speaking of late, the Artist currently known as our Queen will not be known as our late Queen. As least not today. Be assured, she is a survivor and will not be joining the ranks of deceased royalty such as the Artist formerly known as Prince, the King of pop, or the Queen of hearts, Princess Diana. Our survivor details her harrowing account:

“We were slammed into at a dead stop by a couple of teenagers not paying attention to the road. The Scion is badly damaged and going to the shop tomorrow, and we're HOPING it can be repaired in time to make it to Anthrocon.

I will find a way to make it no matter what. Right now we're just not certain if we'll be making it in MY car, and if we can't bring the hatchback I'm going to be limited in what I can bring. We're trying to work out the logistics right now, I'll keep everyone updated as I know what's going on.

I'm fine. Neck and shoulder hurts, but I'm resilient and I'm hoping it's just a minor twinge that'll go away. Luckily, we got hit from behind.”- 👑

I’m not sure what is so lucky about being hit from behind. I’ve been hit from behind (and not in a good homoerotic way) and I did not find it to be lucky at all. But who am I to judge another person’s tragedy? (Keep your snarky comment to yourself.) Picture it: A black suv registered and insured in New York. Inside: One New Yorker, one Bostonian, one from Washington DC. Driving through Vermont. (Heading to Bernie’s house, btw.) Waiting at a stoplight. Hit at full speed by a lost Denverite busy reading a fold-up map. Felt like a Mac truck hit us. Argument on the roadside. Hospital stop. Police station stop. Our car’s insurance did not extend outside of New York. Insurance paid for nothing. Court case took seven years.

Hardly the only accident I’ve been in. Our Queen mentions her “scion” being hit by teenagers not paying attention. Sure, I’ve also been there. Hit on the side by two snotty girls with bad intent. Like all teenagers, they didn’t give a f*ck. The only thing they cared about was being… late. I was driving an audi at the time. I named it “Klaus”. Klaus was never the same after that. I don’t know what a scion is. If it’s anything like the time someone pulled up to my call box in a kia, thinking I would open the gate for them, then I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss.

I realize all of my travails pale in comparison to our Queen’s latest drama. Especially since the high-speed pursuit of life, liberty, and furry porn is involved. Lateness is the issue and our Queen does not want to be late. Rest assured that she will not be late, late, for a very important date. Namely Anthrocon. She will find a way to make it no matter what. Nothing will stop her from her appointed rounds. Neither accident nor injury will separate her from your love. No obstacle formed against her will succeed. Ain’t no mountain high enough. Ain’t no valley low enough. Ain’t no river wide enough to keep her from you. The powers of heaven shall be shaken and earth shall be moved if necessary. All to avoid disappointing you furries. I can’t even make it to the bank and the drug store on the same day. Bless her dear young heart.

I truly do wish her a fast recovery from her neck and shoulder pain. I realize how irritating it is to have a pain in the neck that just keeps lingering on and on despite all efforts to ignore it. Here’s to hoping that minor twinge will just go away. But if it persists, the Artist formerly known as Prince has some great little pills for that… oh nevermind.

Love, -D.