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Sad. /vent/
9 years ago
General
WARNING : DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE SADNESS OR IF SADNESS IS A TRIGGER WORD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
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Im just sad.
I know I should be happy. I have great friends, an adoring boyfriend who isn't crazy as fuck like my last.
I eat food, I go have fun with my boyfriend and get tons of love, I have a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep.
When im alone I just feel sad.
Voices in my head telling me im not good enough to be happy, or im not good enough for anyone to love, or that people wouldn't miss me if I was gone, thinking that what my friends and my boyfriend says are all just one big giant lie, and that they dont truthfully love or care about me.
Sometimes I believe them because in reality, its just my voice telling myself im not good enough.
My past has sure made me feel like im not the best person, the people i've hurt, the people who have used and abused me.
I don't really know what I should do anymore.
I don't want to die, but honestly I wish I could just be gone for a short period of time to see if people do mean they care for me or that they love me, even when im gone.
Im sorry this got depressing..
I don't deserve anything I have. 
Im more just, blank and empty than complete sadness, and I know im not the only one out there who feels this way, and I do appreciate all of the things I have in my life and all of the happy moments.
I just hate being alone. Physically and mentally. Im so dependent on others for my own happiness, im just sad and blank when I have nobody ya know?
Once I get to thinking I start over analyzing everything, which makes me doubt that people care about me and love me, which 90% of the time its just all in my head and people actually 100% care and love me. I get myself into so much mess because of how I think and feel when im alone. People really shouldn't leave me alone for too long, my brain is evil.
And of course I have people in my life who are always there for me, but not when they are asleep, and I know its not their fault, I almost never go to bed unless im on the edge of passing out. I feel like there is so much time wasted when im asleep, or im going to miss something amazing while being asleep.
im weird sorry. And you hang in there too <3 Thank you for talking to me, I feel a little better ;u;