...to Brazil again tomorrow morning.

Quite frankly, if I'm able to get on that plane without freaking the fuck out, it'll be a bloody miracle. I should probably have some of my anxiety meds along with me.

I hate flying. I don't like heights, and I am *shamefully* vulnerable to the fearmongering in the news... Not that I let it inspire racism; rather, it just tends to induce paralytic fear - hate crimes against groups I belong to or care about make me want to hide. And the proliferation of hate and associated crime, especially in the last three weeks, has been particularly awful for me.

I find limited refuge in the things that used to keep me going; largely because there's always the dread of return when I'm done. Ambition is similarly limited... but I survive in order to realize it. Steps only happen when I'm not looking, it seems, though... so at best, I'm keeping my head down and staying focused.

...and at worst I stall out in a corner. But I'm working on that.