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Stepping out of the shadows.
9 years ago
I texted the biofather....I told him everything. I told him all I was unable to say in words.
It hurt....typing it all out and then sending it was very painful. I sat in the bathroom for 10 minutes racked with guilt and pain.
Then my phone rang....it was him...
He told me he was hurt that I couldn't tell him something. And that he accepts my decision, he used SON and male pronouns an excessive amount but...but there was no scream or yelling. I am certain someone had told him and he had time to digest it because his words seemed rehearsed but for the first time I am hiding from no one.
I am free, that former life and title can finally die....that is me no longer and never do I have to wear that mask again.
Tears stream down my face as I type this but I am finally able to breathe freely and be me.
Tera Rubi Noctem
It hurt....typing it all out and then sending it was very painful. I sat in the bathroom for 10 minutes racked with guilt and pain.
Then my phone rang....it was him...
He told me he was hurt that I couldn't tell him something. And that he accepts my decision, he used SON and male pronouns an excessive amount but...but there was no scream or yelling. I am certain someone had told him and he had time to digest it because his words seemed rehearsed but for the first time I am hiding from no one.
I am free, that former life and title can finally die....that is me no longer and never do I have to wear that mask again.
Tears stream down my face as I type this but I am finally able to breathe freely and be me.
Tera Rubi Noctem
It is very difficult to talk to anyone about anything that is a part of you that is seen as a "Taboo". I always tell friends that they should remember how nobody ever chooses openly to feel, or be, something that would cause grief. There's also the truth in how that aspect of yourself is only one part of what makes a greater whole. *Snugs*
Wearing a "Mask" is what I did for many years. Pretending not to be blind and further trying to hide my interest in diapered, cartoon animals. However, once I was finally able to take the mask off, I felt so much better. I had such an increased sense of purpose, self-confidence, and acceptance. I still have days where I wish people could understand me, or be more accepting. Fortunately our friends here, and elsewhere, are good at reminding us that they love and appreciate our whole selves and need not hold back on what makes us who we are.
Congratulations again on attaining such a milestone towards a better tomorrow, my friend. I'll always be here rooting for you and cheering you on as you become the best you that you can be. :)
Wearing the mask for so many years began to eat away at me but i am thankful to say it never destroyed who I am.
I will keep striving to be the happy little ball of floof I am and I hope everything is going super well for you <3 <3