---

Been crazy busy with work, being sick, being tired, suddenly way more hours, way too many bloody noses a day, and a really unhealthy and needy and self-hating mate. He's prob my biggest worry atm, so I work way too hard to keep him happy and healthy and safe. He has no health insurance, no can we afford it, his teeth are falling apart chip by chip and he has painfully exposed nerves because of it. To top things off, his untreated anxiety has reached dangerous levels, and a girl manipulating him into fooling around with her through threats of suicide and harassing her (supposed ex) boyfriend to the point of hitting her intentionally to use him an others, has driven him to dangerous levels of over-stimulation and self-hatred, so I'm working my hardest to make sure he doesn't get any worse.

I know he might be a poor excuse to neglect my art and owed work to some of you, especially to any of you who've read my complaints about him, but I wasn't exactly in a high place myself at the time either. He's the most important thing to me in my life, and no one else helps or understands him like I do, so I'm all he has left for this stuff to boot, even if he doesn't feel he deserves me anymore. I don't know if any of you have been manipulated into intimate situations before, or even as far as rape, ESPECIALLY while in a relationship with someone incredibly important to you, but it's a very scarring experience, and just completely shatters whatever self-worth/self-love you currently have into suicidal levels... My true first loss of my virginity was where I was manipulated and blackmailed into sex with a friend with threats of suicide. It took years of this and in-and-out relationships with him to realize just how much it had destroyed me and turned me into his little puppet... I wouldn't wish this kind of treatment on my worst enemy, it's just disgusting...

Honestly I hate the woman who did this to him far more than I had ever thought was possible within my entire being, I not only wish the worst befalls her but I wish I could be the one to deliver it to her... Not only is she a carbon copy of the man who took me for 7 years of my life, but she KNEW my mate was happily with me, and waited till we were having some struggles to strike to try and tear us apart. I pray she lives in terrible pain for the rest of her disgusting life. I'm only glad that I was able to take him back and out of it before he wound up stuck with her for possibly as long as I was stuck with my ex-friend, or worse even longer. He ignored me after I found out about her because he hated himself so much that he didn't want to plague me with him anymore... I had to calling him crying intensely saying that I still wanted to be him, and he was only convinced I'd truly be happier with him after I continued to say so after he told me all the details about what exactly happened with her. What's worse is that she works with him and even with different shifts she's managing to stalk him with only barely missing him each time, so he still has to deal with her until she finally gives up. Ugh she's even using his BFF to get to him, because he hasn't told him about what happened yet out his anxiety making him paranoid af.

Sorry for the rant lol... ANYWAY YEAH... I'll try to pump out more owed stuff soon. Just please be gentle and patient with me until then. ; w; <3