Every time I make plans, plans for friends to visit, plans to go places. Why? Every time I do, they fall apart just before it happens.... I had so much fun planned for this july and aug. Just some examples. I was going to have an old friend come to visit, canceled because they got a ticket. Was going to see some friends this weekend who flew into a near by town, cancelled. Was going to earn lots of cash for harvest to plan out my vacation. Oh wait, cancel that too, it rained.


It seems that trying to plan ahead for me always ends up failing.... this is why I get anxious, this is why I am nervous. I feel like I don't do things soon, then they will fall to pieces. It is always something out of my control and so my 'live for the moment' and rushed attitude is a result of many failed attempts because of time. God damn I am sad now... the two examples both got announced today...